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“I know it wasn’t you. And I know it wasn’t Jagger. Look,” I say, ready to make my peace, “I need you guys to help me. Starting with getting me out of trouble with Mrs. Evans. Her classroom is a mess. I know we’re not friends, Crew, but you have pull here and connections. I can’t be afraid someone is going to pop out around every corner.”
He bites the corner of his lip. “I can talk to Jagger, but I don’t think it’ll fly with Neo. He’s pretty hell-bent on showing how much he hates you.”
“Yeah. No kidding.”
“Which leads me to a question of my own.” He tips his chin, eyes glued to mine. “What happened between you two in class?”
I’m taken aback at the question and really don’t think it’s necessary to divulge any information, but I am temporarily trying to get in his good graces. “Probably just another one of his games.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “That wasn’t a game, but even if it was, why would you willingly participate?”
I exhale a heavy breath. “I don’t know. I really don't, Crew. I guess it felt like a game to me. Neo was trying to get a rise out of me and I wanted to show him he wouldn’t.”
It’s the truth. When it started, I had every intention of controlling the situation, but as things progressed, I lost control and Neo won.
“How’d that work out for you?”
There's nothing I hate more than the feeling of defeat, but admitting it is a very close second. I roll my lips together, eyebrows raised. “Not well.”
Crew runs his hands down his face, then his fingers move to his temples and he rubs them aggressively. “Scar. Scar. Scar,” he tsks, shaking his head, “what am I going to do with you?”
My shoulders rise and I force a smile. “Help me.”
There’s something so different about Crew right now. No aggression. No ill-intent. The more I watch him, the more I see glimpses of reform in his eyes. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Crew carry any emotion that wasn’t anger. Dare I say, he’s reminding me a lot of the Crew I used to like?
He angles his head in the direction he came from. “I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”
I nod in response, following his lead.
We walk the trail, side by side, in silence. But the quiet is so loud in my head, and I hate this feeling inside me. Not the fear of the unknown or the wonder of who’s stalking me. It’s something more, something bigger. It’s the pull toward Crew. All of our memories hit me full force. The smell of snow mixed with the scent of his skin. Heat flowing through my body, even when it’s cold as hell. The feeling of safety and knowing I have someone in my corner when I want to cry. I missed him so much, even when I hated him. And now, he’s here, and sometimes, I still miss him.It’s so stupid.I’mso stupid.
I wish I could convince myself that everything he’s done is because of Neo’s hatred for me, but I felt Crew’s malicious hands on me. I heard the vile words spill from his mouth. Words meant to burn me. Hands that wanted to harm me.
We reach the dorms, and Crew turns to face me. “I’ll talk to Jagger, but I can’t make any promises. Things are sort of rocky with the guys right now.”
I nod, sorting through the scrambled emotions I’m feeling. I want to ask him why he does it—why he lets Neo control him the way he does. I need to know if he really wants to hurt me or if he just wants me to think he does. I have so many unanswered questions, but I go with the hardest of them all, because it feels like I’m asking him to choose. “Do you think it’s Neo?”
If he says no, it’s because his loyalty lies with him, whether wrong or right. Because the truth is, Crew shouldn’t know unless it is, in fact, Neo.
If he tells me he doesn’t know, I'll know exactly who I’m looking at right now. Not the stranger who’s taunted me for the last year and a half. I’ll be looking at Crew Vance—the guy who held me up when all I wanted to do was fall down.
Crew swallows hard, his throat bobbing. His tongue sweeps across his lips and he wipes the melted snow from his forehead. “I really don't know, Scar.” He shrugs his shoulders and walks back the way we came, with his head down.
Well, that was unexpected.
ChapterTwenty-One
CREW
Sometimes reality slapsyou in the face and you don’t feel an ounce of pain. That seems to happen to me a lot. To the point that it’s barely recognizable, so I ignore it and continue on with my life.
Other times, it hits you so hard the breath is knocked out of you. An imprint is made that won’t soon fade. You’re left with the constant reminder of the way things should have been.
I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know who’s got my back, who’s by my side or who’s walking three steps ahead of me.
Neo’s my boy—my best fucking friend. We’ve done everything together for as long as I can remember. He, I, and Jagger never fought. Not like this. Neo was never one to open up about his emotions, but after Maddie’s accident, he became angry and he made it known. He wants someone to blame for everything he’s lost and it’s not just about his sister—it’s his mom and his dad, too. While his dad is still here, he’s barely here. After the death of his wife, Sebastian started drinking more, which makes him unstable and unpredictable. I know Neo gets the worst of his anger, and I hate that for him.
But why should we all suffer along with him? Does it make me a bad friend for not wanting to? I tried to help Neo when he shut down. Jagger and I both had. But it didn’t do any good, so eventually, we both stopped trying.
