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The lights of the room are dim and my vision is foggy. Something or someone is there. As I move closer, the silhouette before me flickers like the reel of an old movie. I try to process who or what is standing before me. Suddenly, I’m met with a touch. It’s a familiar feel. His hand twitches on my cheek, and my thoughts race. The touch of his strong hand kindles memories of passion, but is this real?
I move my palm over his and press it harder into my face, willing myself to believe I’m not crazy. “Teddy?” I question on a whisper. My voice is shaky and weakens with the sound of his name.
“My beautiful Monkshood. I’ve missed you.”
I almost melt at his words. A voice so raspy, so deep. A voice I’ve missed so much. I let myself soften in his loose hold for a moment before reality, the reality I’ve been living, comes crashing back.
“You’re dead,” I state, stepping away. His movements mimic mine as he follows me back down the steps. One stride after the other, his steps imitate my pattern, almost stepping on my toes, until my back is met with resistance. I turn to see Lucas standing behind me.
I can hardly face him. His appearance is somewhat solemn. His head hangs low, and his once balled fists now fall to his sides loosely.
“You lied to me,” I fume. My sense of disbelief quickly gives way to anger.
He doesn’t try to argue or explain his actions to me. He knows he’s been caught, and there is no point.
“Why?” I croak out. It’s a question to both Teddy and Lucas. Technically, they both lied to me.
“I did what had to be done,” Teddy says coolly, feeding me the same line he has a million times before. Lucas, on the other hand, doesn’t speak. He continues to appear defeated and portrays somewhat of an emotional indifference.
Although Teddy’s answer irritates me, Lucas’s silence cuts deeper, leaving an exposed wound. After everything he and I have been through, I expected more from him.
I raise my hand and ball my fist before sending it flying into his nose. His body sags slightly to the side after the impact, his head staying dipped low.
“You fucking lied to me!” A scream from deep within forces its way from my mouth.
A dark chuckle bubbles from his throat as he stands back straight. Blood drips from his nose, down to his chest, coating the thin gold chain around his neck and his crisp white button-down.
He wipes his nose with the back of his hand roughly before tilting his head back, looking at me down the bridge of his nose. “Julius knew too. And Carl. And him.” He points behind me, no doubt, to Teddy.
“I reported back to him with how you were doing, how you were running things. He knew you were a mess too!” he yells, shaking the bones inside my body with something that can only be described as fear.
I’ve never heard Lucas lash out. Sure, I’ve seen him mad, but I’ve never seen him like this. His body is twitching, his eyes are dark, and his chest is heaving a mile a minute, but it doesn’t stop me. It only fuels me to continue.
“The difference between you and them”—I jab my finger over my shoulder, pointing at Julius by the door, Carl lingering to the side of the steps, and Teddy right behind me—“is that I had more trust in you. Julius doesn’t talk. Carl seems like he couldn’t give a fuck less, and Teddy was dead for all I knew! You’re the one I trusted the most. You’re the one—” I cut myself off before I can spill the words.
“I’m what?” Lucas presses, tilting his head to the side with a grin and wicked gleam in his eyes.
“Fuck you,” I whisper, shoving his body away from mine.
When I turn back around, I’m met with Teddy’s chest. I glance up catching his eyes but quickly look away when I see the confusion swirling within. I sidestep him and stomp back up the steps, pausing in front of Julius.
He makes no attempt to stop me as I slap himacross the face. I glance at Carl and see him widen his stance. I flip him the bird, then charge inside, slamming the door behind me before any of them can follow.
A lot can change in a matter of weeks. People grow, people die, and the hands of a clock never stop moving. Much the same, my life has had a staggering transition over the past four weeks.
When my dad was murdered, I thought my life couldn’t get any worse. I was left alone in the world with no mother to speak of. An adult orphan.
Until Teddy.
He started out a monster, and I never expected to want his help. I never expected to see him in a new light. And I most definitely never expected to fall in love with him.
When he died, or faked his own death rather, I realized my life could get worse. The only man I had given my heart to was gone. I fell so hard and fast for Teddy even though he and I were never destined to be together. We came from different worlds, had different beliefs. Two separate trains in danger of derailing yet going a million miles a minute down a dead-end track. Complete opposites of one another but still so perfectly right together.
My being was completely crushed the night that he died. The grief came in waves, disrupting my sleep, stealing my appetite and thoughts alike. My heart had become stale. It was mutilated into a bloody, mangled organ, and to be honest, I didn’t even recognize it. It didn’t even beat the same way.
Until Lucas.
I sink against the bedroom door as I close it and let the memories of the last few weeks flip through my mind. The memories I’ve tried to suppress, to forget. I tried so hard to take away their power to prove to myself that I could move on. But they linger in the back of my mind like dusty books on a shelf. Their pages are sharp and sting like a paper cut, yet here I sit, opening their cover.
