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Six days after Teddy’s “death,” Lucas walked in on me on the bathroom floor. I was a mess. Tears flowed like a river down my face, and my heart ached so bad. I never knew how I would recover. Lucas picked me up, tipped my chin high, and told me, “Let it all out. Scream and cry. Beat the walls, break the vases. Do whatever you need to do to feel better, but leave it in this room. You’re in charge now and held at a higher standard. You can’t be weak—you are the queen.”
At first, his words pissed me off. How was I supposed to run things when I just lost my lover, let alone be expected not to cry. Not to feel. My favorite thing, it seemed, was to take my anger out on him. To use him as my own personal punching bag. So I reached up to hit him, but he caught my hand.
When his hand wrapped around mine, something clicked. Something changed. I don’t know if it was the mere touch from a man, the longing for Teddy, or the fact I was so angry I didn’t know what to do. But whatever it was drove me forward. I pushed my body into him and crashed my lips to his. At first, he didn’t stop. He let his tongue swirl with mine and pushed his hands through my hair. But then like someone poured a glass of cold water on him, he broke away. His whisper stung as he muttered something about not being able to do that to Teddy.
After that, I still let him hold me. I needed his touch. I needed someone to calm the shakes, someone to make the pain go away, and for some reason, Lucas was that person. We agreed to never cross that invisible line again, but we still kept our routine.
Every night he would come into my room and hold me as I sobbed, but the next morning he would leave before I woke. It was our own dirty little secret that wasn’t even really that dirty, but we both knew it was wrong. Even though we never took it to the next level, never let our lips explore one another’s again, it still wasn’t right. Maybe somewhere deep down in my subconscious, I knew Teddy was alive.
We never spoke about our nights together. I was too ashamed of myself. As forhim? I often wondered what it was for him, but he too kept our secret. No one ever knew. Just him and I. Whatever budding feelings that were starting to grow between us would be pushed away and ignored. I chalked it up to nothing more than grief, and it all seemed like a perfect plan. It all went well until I realized he and Julius were hiding something. Quiet phone calls abruptly ended when I would walk into a room. Randomly sneaking away at odd times. And the final blow… knowing Teddy was alive while I wallowed and did my best to run the shit show he left me.
Anger threatens to explode out of me, but I do my best to push it down. I start pacing the room, wearing a trail into the carpet, when the door opens and Teddy walks in.
“Monkshood?”
My eyes catch his, and suddenly all of the anger is replaced with guilt. “Why?” I question, doing my best to suppress the guilt licking at my stomach, making me feel sick, as I look down.
The question is more to me. Why did you do it, Charlie? You’re so angry with him for lying, but isn’t that what you’re doing?
I shake my head, silencing my internal thoughts as I bring my eyes back to his, waiting for his answer.
He scrubs his hand down his face, then finally opens his mouth. “I did what had—”
I hold my hand up and cut him off. “Don’t. I want the truth. You owe me that much.”
I watch as his eyes narrow into slits like he’s debating on what to tell me. “I thought if I faked my death, whoever is running the cartel would show themselves and we could finally get answers.”
“Well, did they?” I ask. As angry as I am, with him and myself, I still want to find the answers to my dad’s murder. I want to end whoever took him from me.
He closes the gap between us, and his hand reaches towards my brow. His fingers grasp a strand of my hair, and he gently pushes it behind my ear. “Please just let me love you tonight. I’ve missed your touch.” He skims his hand over my collarbone. “Your scent.” He leans in and inhales next to my hair. “And your lips.” Before I realize what is happening, he presses his lips to mine lightly, almost testing the waters to see what I’ll do.
The electricity that’s been enough to power skyscrapers still bounces between us and sets every nerve ending in my body on fire. My knees turn to putty as his tongue flicks over my own, giving me the slightest taste of him.
I want to get lost in the escape he’s willing to give me, but I still have questions, and I still want answers.
I pull away from him and shoot my eyes to the floor. “I can’t, Teddy.”
When I raise my head again and meet his stare, I shiver. The coldness radiating from his eyes is chilling. “Have you just moved on, is that it?” he questions. “Or is it the fact I’m not Lucas?”
His words hit me somewhere deep where it hurts. I pause my reply and take a step back to study him. I’m not the only one that has changed. His changes are slight, but I can see them clear as day.
Dark stubble coats his chin and cheeks with small bits of gray peppered within sparingly. His eyes that used to burn so bright are now almost dull and lack the vivid blue I love so much. As my thoughts race, I can see he’s waiting on me to speak.
“What are you talking about?” The words come out horse, almost like my mouth doesn’t want to comply with my lie. It knows what I’ve done.
“I saw the exchange between you both. He looks at you—” He rakes his hand through his hair roughly, cutting himself off, before tugging it loose and punching the air.
“He looks at me like what, Teddy?” I step closer and circle the beast that inhabits the man I love.
“He looks at you the way I look at you, Charlie! Are you so blind you can’t see it?”
Another jab to the painful spot deep down in me. “I—” I cut myself off because I’m not even sure what to say.
“But you know what’s worse than that?” He steps forward, running the back of his hand along my face and down my collarbone again. “You look at him the same way.”
Something in me shatters, and that deep painful place comes floating to the surface of my chest. I react on impulse and slap my hand across his face. “How dare you!” I whisper-shout, and suddenly, the beast is no longer caged.
Teddy moves quickly, stepping forward so his body is pressed against mine, and wraps his hand around my throat. He turns me around to face him and backs me against the wall. Normally it would excite me, but this time there is nothing exciting about it. My shoulder blades dig into the wall painfully as he pushes against me. His hold tightens on my throat, letting his short fingernails bite into my soft skin.
“Make no mistake of who I am, Charlotte,” he says through clenched teeth. “I tried to be soft and understanding when I brought you here, and I’m afraid it’s given you the wrong image of me.”
His hand tightens around my neck as black spots paint my vision.
“I don’t fucking share. You are mine and only mine. If I catch you with Lucas, I will kill him while you watch, then fuck you in his blood. Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness, Monkshood.”
He shoves me harder into the wall before releasing me and stepping away. He straightens his suit jacket, rolls his shoulders, then exits the room quietly.
I sink to the floor and hold back the screams that so desperately want to escape me. Finally, I have met the man everyone fears, and I have no doubt in my mind that he would kill me.
