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His eyes bore into mine with rage. “Don’t try to talk about things you know nothing about. And don’t try and piss me off because you don’t know any other way to express your own anger. He hurt you in the worst possible way, so we taught him a lesson. Why are you so fucking mad about that?”
Suddenly, my heart fissures because I already know the answer. You’d think by now the stupid thing would learn its lesson, but it hasn’t. “I love him, Lucas. I hate that I love him, but I fucking love him.”
He huffs. “You love him? Do you think he even loves you?”
That’s a question I haven’t even bothered to ask myself. “I—” I cut myself off, trying to figure out the answer. “I don’t know,” I finally whisper.
Lucas shakes his head. “If he loved you, he wouldn’t have done what he did, Flower. Remember that.” He walks past me without another word.
Is it possible to love someone and hate them all at the same time? Because that’s exactly how I feel about Teddy. But maybe Lucas is right. If he loved me in the first place, he never would have hurt me.
I shake the thoughts away and raise my chin. One good thing he did teach me was to hold my head high. Yeah, he hurt me, but I won’t let him know how badly. Do I love him? Sure, but I won’t let him know that either. I only came here for answers, not love. I’ll do exactly what I’m used to. Scream, cry, let out all of my pain behind closed doors, but when I step out, I’ll be hard.
I take in a breath to compose myself, then step back into the hallway and make my way to the kitchen.
Teddy is still on the table where I left him as Dr. Kelly works over him. His face is still black and blue, but all of the bloodstains are gone. “How bad is it?” I ask, leaning against the doorjamb. I won’t let my heart overpower my mind this time.
“He won’t die if that’s what you’re asking. Surprisingly, I don’t feel anything broken other than his nose. These burns—” He motions to Teddy’s chest and stomach as he drapes wet gauze over it. “—will probably be the worst of his healing. They’re cauterized, but I know they still hurt like hell, and his face should start looking back to normal in a week or so. He’ll still be bruised, but the swelling should be down tremendously. I have him on some IV meds for now. Just some basic stuff for pain and naproxen for the swelling. I’ll come check on him every day.”
I nod. “Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it.”
He smiles, and I return it this time as he finishes bandaging up Teddy’s stomach. “Well, my job is done. Holler if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.”
He nods in response, then leaves the kitchen. When I hear the front door close, I take a seat in the chair to Teddy’s right and start talking. Maybe the pain meds will keep him so doped up he won’t remember, or maybe he won’t hear me at all, but regardless, I need to get things off my chest.
“You know,” I start, acting as if he’s actually listening, “when I was younger, I always told my dad when I found the man I love, I’d make him take me to the beach and we would buy a house there. Why something so basic like the beach? Because I love to swim. Did you know that?” Tears sting my eyes as I wait for an answer I know won’t come.
“I love a lot of things, Teddy. I love animals, loud music, driving with the windows down…” I pause for a moment. “And I love you. I thought you would be the one to take me to the beach and buy me a home there, but I don’t think I want that anymore. Not with you.”
I stare at his face and try to choke out the last words. “You helped reinforce what my dad had already taught me: that I am strong. And right now, I’m choosing me over you. You hurt me, Teddy. Completely fucking broke me, and I refuse to make you believe that’s okay. I’m a queen—I’m just not your queen anymore.”
I stand from the chair and run from the kitchen. Maybe he isn’t even listening, but saying all of those words hurt. I never expected to love Teddy, but I also never expected to lose him. Not this way.
I rush to my room and close the door. I hate this is the only place I want to come, the only place I feel is my own, even after what he did. I walk to the corner where a single pillow and blanket sit, then sink to the floor. And just like every night before, I cry myself to sleep, but this time the tears aren’t just from sadness. They’re from feeling a sense of liberation. A sense of freedom. Whether he knows it or not yet, I am free of Teddy, and I refuse to look back.
