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“I know what we can do.”
Lucas looks at me skeptically, and I don’t blame him. The last time I had a plan, people died. Teddy died.
I try and push those thoughts out of my mind, but every time they come, they don’t want to leave. Maybe if I didn’t act so rashly, he would still be here. He would still be able to see his child grow, and I wouldn’t be stuck doing this all alone.
As soon as the word “alone” drifts into my head, all of my thoughts of Teddy are replaced with Lucas and his promises. They’re replaced with last night. My breath hitches without permission, and a sinking feeling fills my stomach before butterflies erupt and take flight.
“You okay?” Lucas is right next to me again, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
“I’m fine.” I take a few steps away from him.
The thought of Lucas alone makes warmth wash all over me and happiness grow inside of me, and that should be good, but it makes me feel terrible. One second, I want to forget Teddy, and the next, I’m gripping onto every last strand of him. Clawing at the fucked-up memories because it’s all I have anymore. I can’t even remember what the good memories were.
When I think of happiness or love, the only picture I see is Lucas. It should be a relief, only I’m carrying Teddy’s child. If I can’t even remember the good parts of Teddy, how am I supposed to keep his memory alive for the baby?
I snap back to the conversation trying to forget all of the running thoughts in my mind that don’t involve Cameron. “I have an idea.”
Lucas crosses his arms and leans against the arm of the couch. “Okay, but if I don’t like it, we aren’t doing it.”
I swallow and nod. “We can stage it as a suicide.”
“A suicide? We don’t have to stage it as anything, Charlie. Since he’s already hiding out, I bet no one will even look for him.”
“No.” I walk into the kitchen and start rummaging through cabinets like it’s just another day when it’s anything but that. We are planning a murder. And for one, I don’t feel anything but happy about it. “I want the people who love him, if there even are any, to find him. I want them to feel the exact way I felt when I lost my dad… When I lost Teddy.”
His name on my lips almost stings. I haven’t spoken it out loud in a while. Not in a conversation like this anyway, but maybe this will help me finally let go. Teddy is gone, and he isn’t coming back. This will be the last piece of the puzzle. Kill Cameron and avenge the man I once loved and my father. They both deserve at least that.
“And I want to be the one to do it,” I add, shaking some oats into a bowl.
He doesn’t argue with my reasoning which is for the best. I’m not in the mood. “How?”
“Once we get him, we’ll take him to Malloy Bridge. It’s a pretty central spot, but it’s practically dead at night. He’ll jump. All of the jagged rocks on the riverbed below will do our job for us and leave no evidence.”
“Why Malloy Bridge? There are other ways we can handle this that involve a drawn-out pain.”
I pour a little water into the bowl and pop it into the microwave. “My dad.”
He tips his head. “What do you mean?”
A smile tugs at the corners of my lips. “There is a park on the east side of the bridge. When I was younger, we would always park on the opposite side and walk across to the park. When I got older, we kept that tradition when we could. Since it was a good in between of our house and the station, we would meet at the park for lunch sometimes. I still always parked on the other side and walked across. Something about it was just soothing.”
“What if you taint those memories?”
I think back to those days with my dad. Shit was simpler then. I never had to worry about the things I do now. I was just a kid who had a great dad, but Cameron took that away.
The microwave dings, interrupting the thoughts of my dad. “They won’t. It will be closing a chapter to start a new one. Him being gone will give me nothing but peace.”
“If that’s what you want, we will do it. I’ll call Carl and give him his location and see if you can grab him unexpectedly.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
“Are you sure about this, Flower?” His voice is soft and almost hesitant.
“I’m sure.”
“And us?” He lowers his head and rubs the back of his neck.
“What about us?” I knew this conversation was coming. I knew he would want to talk things out, maybe make sure I’m okay, but honestly, I don’t know if I even want to do that. Lucas is a distraction. A welcomed distraction that makes me feel better, but I don’t know if I can take it any further than that yet.
