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CHAPTER TEN
Once I came,the air changed around us—or at least around me. The glimmer of kinky lust disappeared, and now I’m left wondering what to do. The entire night, I’ve let Reed take me on a wild ride I never knew was possible, but now that we’re back where we started, I’m reluctant to get off the train.
I guess in my mind I thought if I gave in to my urges and what he was offering, I would walk away a new woman. One that was shiny, confident, and poised, but looking down at myself as the sun starts to peek through the windows of the store, I don’t feel that way at all.
“What’s the matter, sweet girl?” he asks, tracing shapes along my arm with his fingertips.
I shake my head and plaster a smile onto my face. “Nothing. Just thinking about how much I enjoyed all of this.”
Pushing up to his elbows, he turns toward me. “You don’t have to lie to me.”
Smiling, I close my eyes and relish in this one last touch. “Really, I’m fine.”
I don’t want to shoot him down and say what I’m feeling because I know the moment he walks out that door, I’ll be nothing but a distant memory in his mind. Despite what transpired tonight, the facts remain the same.
I’m me and he is him.
He’s attractive and seductive—all the things I’m not—and although rolling around with me tonight may have been fun, it’s been behind closed doors in the dark. Out in public is a completely different thing.
Not pushing things any further, he nods and rises to his feet, pulling me up with him. “Well, I guess we should get dressed and clean things up, huh?”
“That’s a good idea.”
We move back to the dressing room and throw our clothes back on. As he dresses behind me, an overwhelming sadness washes over me. I don’t want things to end, but I don’t know what I want or need from him and vice versa.
With our clothes back in place, he leads me to the escalator. “Want to grab some breakfast?”
I laugh, not because anything is funny, but because I feel he doesn’t know how to walk away without hurting me.
When we make it to the bottom, I turn toward him. “Look. Tonight was fun, and I enjoyed myself. Don’t think you have to stick around or try and make this more difficult than it already is. Just give me the money you agreed to and be on your way, and I’ll do the same.”
He tips his head. “What’s gotten into you?”
Pointing my eyes to the floor, I admit the things that popped in my mind the moment he asked me to breakfast. “Have you ever taken a bigger woman like me to breakfast?” Before he can answer, I continue. “Let me paint the picture for you. We’ll sit down, the waitress will flirt with you, because clearly someone like me isn’t pretty enough to be with someone like you. They’ll probably think I’m your sister. It won’t affect you—you probably won’t even notice—but I will be, and I know it hurts. Being with someone like me isn’t black and white, Reed. It’s complicated and messy.
“I’ll need constant reassurance, and you’ll probably get sick of repeating yourself. And, no matter what you say or do, I’ll never believe it. I’ve hated myself for so long and have conditioned my brain to constantly be flipped to the negative and dreary setting. You shouldn’t have to be subjected to that—”
Before I can continue with my tangent, he cups my face in his hands and presses his lips to mine, abruptly shutting me up.
“I was rambling again,” I whisper against his lips.
“You were, but I don’t mind.”
I let myself get lost in his kiss for another split second before pulling away. “I’m serious, Reed.”
His eyes bounce between mine. “I know and I understand. My life isn’t as perfect as it seems either. I’m flipped to negative and dreary most days too. So why don’t we just keep this going—keep the little bit of happiness it brings us alive?”
“Because it isn’t realistic.”
“And why is that?”
I laugh and pull away, letting his hands drop from around my face. “Because I have this job, and a cat, and an apartment. I can’t spend every day with you and neglect my responsibilities.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Then what are you asking?”
“For one more night.” He steps to me again.
Releasing a breath, I let my shoulders relax. “You’re not going to let me say no, are you?”
He shrugs with a smirk. “I mean, I do know where you work.”
I shake my head. “This was supposed to be one night only.”
Bringing his nose to mine, he cups my face again. “Yeah? Well, I don’t follow rules, remember?”
I shake my head and roll my eyes. “One more night?” I ask.
“Or maybe two.” He smiles.
