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CHAPTER FIVE
CARMEN
Istare into my bathroom mirror and move my hair to cover my neck before walking out. Hopefully, that will be enough to hide the marks.
When I make it downstairs, William already has the counter overflowing with different foods. I see bruschetta, steak, mac-n-cheese, asparagus. “Little overkill, don’t you think, William?” I laugh, slipping onto the barstool as he grabs two glasses from the cabinet.
When Dad isn’t here, we don’t eat in the dining room. It’s too big and lonely. Here in the kitchen, we can actually talk without having to shout across the table.
“I just made all your favorites.” He smiles, letting the corners of his eyes crinkle up.
William is only a few years older than my dad, but his face definitely shows it. Or maybe it’s the lack of Botox. At this point, my dad’s DNA probably reads thirty-five percent artificial. Where my dad has dark hair, William’s is almost completely white, and the years he’s lived and how much he’s smiled are evident in every small wrinkle.
“What’s the occasion?”
He shakes his head, pouring water into our cups. “No occasion. Just thought it would be nice.”
I smile again. William has always been so thoughtful. He’s like the dad my dad can’t be bothered to be. I know if I need anything, he’s there. He’s sweet and pure—a hard contrast to my dad. Sometimes I wish the tables were turned. That it was William who brought me into this world instead of Alexander, but even though he didn’t, I’ve still had a great life with him. He’s been around as long as I can remember, and I’m thankful.
So fucking thankful for him.
I check the time on my phone, then lay it facedown on the counter. “I have zero complaints. I’m starving.”
For the next few hours, we eat and talk and joke, and I remember how easy it is to be around him. How relaxing it is. With William, I have no worries or bad emotions, and I love that, because finding someone you can trust is hard.
“Are you okay, Carmen?” he asks after a beat of silence.
I tip my head and take a sip from my glass. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He studies me for a moment, then shakes his head before gathering all the dishes from the counter to put in the sink. “You’ve just been distant the last few months.”
I nod. I may trust William, but not enough to tell him a secret that isn’t mine. I mean, I can’t. Although I know he would never do anything to jeopardize me, he still has a strong moral compass, and something tells me murder isn’t something he could keep to himself.
“I’m fine. I guess I’m just going through some sort of midlife crisis. I graduated and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. Like, what am I supposed to do?” I give him the most honest answer I can. Something to hopefully curb his curiosity and not ask any more.
“You’re eighteen, Carmen. You’re not having a midlife crisis, but you do have options. Your dad…” He trails off like he’s sad to even bring it up. “You can work with him. It would set your future up to be thriving.”
I laugh. “No chance in hell. I’d rather get as far away as possible from him. You know he doesn’t even love me, William.”
He closes his eyes for a moment like he’s thinking. “He loves you in his own way.”
I want to combat his statement, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I know William sees what I see when it comes to my dad, but Alexander is his employer. He can’t speak ill or freely without risking his job. He’s the middleman just trying to keep the peace.
“Well, his way is a shit way.” I, on the other hand, have nothing to lose. “At least I got you.” I slip off the barstool and round the counter to wrap my arms around his waist.
He hugs me back and places a soft kiss on the top of my head. “That you do. And I’m always here for you, you know that, right?” He pulls away and stares into my eyes as he says it.
The intensity of his stare and the truthfulness of his words makes me feel guilty for keeping anything from him, but right now, it’s not about just me. This involves Lydia and Carter too. And I’ll be damned if I tell him how I cope. I know talking shit out may help some people, but for me, I’d rather deal with them alone. I have to. Because again, everyone just leaves in the end anyway, and I know William will be no exception. I’ll just enjoy his love while he’s here. No need to cloud the happy times with sadness or my own fucked-up feelings.
“I know.”
He squeezes my arm. “I’ll get this cleaned up. You go do whatever it is girls your age do on a Friday night.”
I laugh. “Movie night. I’ll be at Lydia’s if you need me.”
He nods. “Be careful.”
“I will,” I throw behind me as I exit. “Love you!”
