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The comment did nothing to alleviate Bunny’s sense of impending doom, until Death shifted his weight beside her. Of course they wouldn’t be able to see anyone who’d arrived for the convention. They were all celestials! Unless there were other humans with cosmic roles out there (who knew?) then it was altogether likely that it would look like she was attending the convention on her own.
Because she didn’t look crazy enough as it was.
“Really?” Bunny feigned surprise, gripping the strap of her purse. “Fancy that!”
The hotel staff exchanged another glance before they seemed to remember they had a customer waiting.
“It’s in the Grand Ballroom,” the young man said, lifting a hand in the right direction. “Straight through the lobby, through the arches on your left. You can’t miss it.”
“Thanks.” Bunny smiled at them both but dropped the expression as soon as she turned around. She galloped back across the lobby, ducking desperately into the ladies’ room to attend to her wardrobe malfunction before grabbing that much-needed coffee.
If she was going to be the only human at this gig, then they were just gonna have to wait for her to 'Homo sapien'.
* * *
More polished brownmarble greeted them inside of the Grand Ballroom, but Bunny’s gaze was anywhere but at the floor. She had worked in hospitals for a long time, and she couldn’t ever remember seeing so many weird people in one place before now.
Some of the celestials looked more like Death, dressed in street clothes but with subtle differences that clued Bunny into their otherworldliness. Others were straight-up dressed in Grecian-style robes or ancient-looking armor. There was even one huge muscly dude who made Mike look like a weakling, wearing a floor-length fur cape.
It wasn’t just another world. It was a whole conglomerate of other worlds smushed into one event venue.
A huge glass dome was the irrefutable centerpiece of the room, stretching into the overcast sky above the city like a telescope into Heaven. Bunny couldn’t decide if it was appropriate given the occasion, or gaudy, and settled for just being grateful the natural light would make the bags under her eyes look less cavern-like.
She refused to let herself get carried away with checking out the crowd or the venue, determined to do a little preemptive damage control first.
There were three entrances into the room that she could see: the door right behind her, a door that looked like it might be a staff entrance for catering or technical purposes, and a fire escape doorway over to the left side of the room. Reasoning that any celestials would enter the room through cosmic means, and her actions wouldn’t bother any unpossessed humans who might enter after she did, Bunny yanked a handful of fly strips from her purse and began to pull them out of their tubes.
She stuck them along the top of the door frame like a barrier to supernatural bullshit.
“Death!” A high-pitched voice squeaked nearby, making them both jump. A cherub floated toward them on itty-bitty white-feathered wings, swathed in a gold diaper. “How the heck are ya? Long time no see!”
“A century at least,” Death replied drolly, making the cherub giggle.
“Still got all the jokes, I see,” the being sighed happily, the apples of its chubby cheeks bright red. Bunny tried not to stare at it, but she was having a hard time not looking at the peach fuzz that seemed to be growing on its baby-like chest.
The cherub caught her looking and mistook the reason for her interest. “Who’s your friend?” it purred, sounding like a horny chipmunk.
Ew, ew, ew. “I’m Bunny,” she replied, hiding her disgust as she dipped her hand into her purse to retrieve her name tag. She clipped it lopsidedly to the lapel of her jacket.
“Bruce,” the cherub introduced itself with a lascivious wink. It turned to Death enquiringly. “What happened to Alice?”
“She died, like… forty years ago,” Bunny said cheerfully, thinking about how amused her grandma would have been with that explanation as she latched onto Death’s arm. “Will you excuse us?”
Leading them across the room through the crowd, Bunny took it upon herself to cover the floor in front of the staff door and fire escape with fly strips too.
“This is going to be an absolute nightmare,” Death groaned under his breath, scanning the crowd.
“Only if we have to keep talking to people. Here—let’s get a seat in the back.”
Her strategy proved to be a stroke of genius. Not only did sitting in the back mean it was less likely that anyone would want to chat with them, but it also gave them an excellent view of the main door and the fire escape, which in Bunny’s mind were the two entrances most likely to be used by demons wanting to start some shit.
Hours later, they had listened to a report from Middle Management about staff efficiency statistics, a presentation about the benefits of entertainment streaming services for spiritual development, and a status report on types of churches Bunny hadn’t even known existed. It seemed like these celestials really loved the sound of their own voices, because it was more of a seminar than a conference.
Her ass had fallen asleep just after lunch, which hurt her empty stomach to think about. Apparently other celestials didn’t need to stretch their legs or eat, two facts that were leaving Bunny feeling sore and cranky as hell.
She was just starting to think about sneaking out for a bathroom break when a cheesy announcer’s voice came over the sound system.
“And now, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” the person, who sounded neither male nor female, said in a tone that would have made a wrestling announcer jealous. “Everyone’s faaaavorite hellhound is here to present… the Employee of the Century Award!”
