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Valerie’s eye go so wide they are basically round now. She shakes her head and covers her gaping mouth with her hand.
“Don’t act so surprised. As if you didn’t know.”
“Oh god, Warren. You think Harper got an abortion? That’s why you sent them away? Why you treated her so badly? Shit, shit, shit! This is all my fault.” Valerie starts crying, and that’s when I really can’t handle this anymore.
“Fuck this,” I say, pushing past her. I need some air, I can’t fucking breathe in here. Everything is happening so fast, and it feels like I’m reliving that day all over again. Moving to stand in front of me, Valerie blocks my exit.
“Warren, I got the abortion, me.” Valerie points at her chest. I stare down at her, trying to comprehend what she just said. “I used Harper’s insurance because I didn’t have any, and we looked so much alike on our ID’s, so…” Valerie continues rambling on, but all the other words fade to the background when the truth is revealed.
“You… you got the abortion… not Harper?”
She nods, “Me. I got the abortion. God, Warren, Harper was still a virgin when she came here. She never cheated, never got pregnant, she never did anything wrong.” I can feel the guilt in her words and see it on her face, but it’s nothing compared to the agony, the pure hate I have for myself. My own personal guilt that engulfs my body.
Even with all the alcohol coursing through my veins, I feel as sober as a motherfucker, Valerie’s confession shining a light on one of the darkest days of my life.
“Fuck. I fucked up.” I tug at my hair in frustration. “Harper told me she might be pregnant, and I told her to get an abortion. I was so fucking angry and upset over our past, and my father pressuring me and talking shit about her.” Stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. If I could kick myself in the head right now, I would. Someone should kick my ass for me.
“Warren,” Valerie scolds, “you’re a fucking asshole. Leave, go find her, apologize, grovel, do whatever you have to do, but make it right.”
It hits me then. A knife slices through my heart, cutting the tender muscle, each thump hurts a little more than the next as I realize I may have lost her forever. “I don’t know if I can fix this, Val. I don’t know if there is any coming back from the things that I’ve done.”
Valerie’s hand comes out of nowhere and lands heavily on my cheek. My face turns to the side, the sting of her palm is like ice water pouring down on me. “Snap out of it. Go and find her and fix this. She loves you and I know you love her. Make things right, because after what you just told me, I won’t be able to face her again unless you do.”
I nod, knowing what I have to do.
It was all a lie.
The abortion.
The cheating.
I’ve broken her heart twice now and done some horrible things to her. I want to fall to my knees and pray that she listens to me when I tell her it was all a misunderstanding, but if I were her, I wouldn’t ever forgive me. I don’t deserve her, after everything I’ve said and done, I deserve her hate, and yet, my heart beats only for her.
Maybe she can forgive me, but forgetting all the things I’ve done and said to her…
No, no one could do that.
20
Harper
My one suitcase sits fully packed in front of me as I wait at the bus terminal to go back to my parents’ house.
I wish I had another place to go, somewhere else to run to, but there is nowhere. I need to go home and explain to them how I managed to throw my entire life away. Every chance of a successful career, gone. How am I going to go to college now? No money, no home, and now a child to take care of? I can’t even take care of myself. This is… a nightmare, a true, living one.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have trusted him again? How could I get pregnant by a monster?
Why don’t you get an abortion?
His words hurt more than anything else. What would compel him to say something like that? Warren can be a horrible person, vicious and mean, but never did I think he would say something so dark and cruel.
Especially not about something that is half his, and part of both of us. What would make him ever think I would get an abortion and kill a life that belongs to us.
The sound of the bus approaching fills the streets, and I turn my head to see it heading toward me. Getting on my feet, I pull out the handle on my suitcase, so I can pull it behind me. I take about two steps toward the curb when I hear someone calling my name.
