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Even though I shouldn’t, I watch her as she slips her jeans off, while I start to strip out of my own clothing. By the time I’m down to my boxers, she’s finally managed to get her jeans off. I walk around the bed and lie down on one side, leaving her enough space to lie on the other side. But when she crawls back onto the bed, she comes straight for me, trying to get on top of me.
“Jules, stop, you don’t want this.” I grab her waist and force her to lie down next to me.
“Please, I want this, I want to touch you,” she whines while reaching for me, her small hands landing on my arm.
“And I want you to touch me.”
The drug, it’s the drug.
“Don’t you want to touch me, Remmy?” She’s taunting me, making it hard for me to say no to her. I never say no to any willing woman, but Jules isn’t a willing woman, not tonight.
“Jules, stop,” I warn, barely restraining myself from rolling over, grabbing her and caging her with my body, from claiming what’s always been mine.
She must sense the tension in the air because she frowns.
“Will you at least hold me?”
If my heart wasn’t already broken, it would crack right through the middle now. Her voice drips with desperation as if she thinks she’ll die if I don’t hold her.
“Alright, I’ll hold you, but that’s it. Nothing else, Jules, and I mean it.” I barely say the last word before she is snuggled up into my side. She hugs my chest with one arm and throws her leg over mine, her knee getting dangerously close to my steel hard cock. My eyes move to her bare legs, and over her creamy white thigh.
She doesn’t really want you.
My body is tense, every muscle, every cell begging for me to give in to her wants, to my own selfish needs.
“I miss you,” she purrs into the side of my chest, her curls tickling me.
“You’ve told me that already.” It’s still a lie. “Just go to sleep. You’ll feel different in the morning, trust me.”
“Why do you hate me? You hate me when I love you? That’s not how it works.” Her words slur a little.
“Jules, please, just go to sleep.” I can’t talk to her about this, not now, maybe not ever. I can pretend I’m the old me tonight, but that doesn’t change who I am now. I close my eyes, hoping she doesn’t say anything else, my heart has endured enough of a beating tonight. When she doesn’t speak after a short time, all I can do is thank the Lord. Her breathing evens out after awhile and I open my eyes one more time to look at her.
She’s clinging on to me like she actually wants me, no, like she needs me and with everything inside of me, I wish that it wasn’t a lie.
???
Adrenaline pumps through my veins, dragging me out of a shallow sleep when a loud noise hits my ears. Jules. My first and only thought. I look at the empty space beside me before I quickly scan the room. Our eyes meet and relief floods me. She’s still here, and she’s okay.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just trying to go to the bathroom,” she says from the floor beside the bed. “Then I tripped.” Her voice is raspy as if her throat is dry. I bet anything her head is throbbing too. She didn’t drink that much last night but coming off ecstasy in itself is like a hangover.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She gets back up onto her feet and scurries into the small bathroom attached to my room. I get up from the bed and pull on a t-shirt and then a pair of sweatpants. Mentally I have no idea what the hell I’m going to say to her. She’s not high on the drugs anymore, which means everything she says, her reactions, it will all be honest, the truth.
She comes back out a few minutes later, her eyes on the floor as if she’s lost in thought. Her gaze lifts as soon as she sees me standing and leaning against the dresser. She opens her mouth as if she’s about to say something, but I cut her off before she can even get out the first syllable. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear her tell me how much she hates me for everything that happened last night.
“Don’t! Just don’t say anything right now,” I order, trying to keep any emotion out of my voice. Her eyes go wide, confusion written all over her beautiful features. I just can’t hear her say it. I can’t listen to her admit that I was right and whatever she felt last night was a reaction to the drugs that were in her system.
