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“Rem—”
“I said don’t,” I cut her off again, but even I can’t miss the hurt in her eyes. “Let’s just forget last night ever happened. Just take your things and get out.” I brush past her and go into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Last night was the first time in a long time that I slept all the way through the night, and the first time I slept with a woman for more than just sex. Gripping onto the edge of the sink, I notice my swollen and beat up knuckles. I grin, wondering how the fucker’s face must look right now. I hope he’s in pain, that his nose is broken, and his eyes are swollen shut, then again if they aren’t, I suppose I can show him another lesson.
Air fills my lungs and I exhale it out. I do this a few more times letting the fury from Cole simmer. My thoughts shift back to Jules. I just told her to forget about last night, as if that was so easy, as if I could do so myself. I shake my head in disbelief and lift my gaze to the mirror. I feel like a drug addict who used for the first time after being clean for several years.
I reach for my toothbrush and when I pick it up, I realize that it’s wet.
Did she just use my toothbrush?
Shaking the thought away, I brush my teeth and wash my face. I have to tell myself a thousand times that I’m not what she wants, and her behavior last night was nothing but a reaction to the drugs Cole gave her, but there’s a sliver of hope inside me wondering if maybe it wasn’t just the drugs…maybe it was what she really wanted.
When I emerge from the bathroom, I find that the room is empty. Relief and disappointment both crash into me all at once. This room has never seemed so empty before, and because she was here, it no longer feels like it’s mine, and mine alone.
Glancing over to the bed where just ten minutes ago she was in my arms, sleeping, not arguing with me or telling me she hated me, but sleeping peacefully, I wish for the moment to return. My heart and mind are racing at the same speed. The room still smells like her, vanilla and sugar… or maybe I’m just imagining that. It wouldn’t surprise me if I was.
Shit. I need to clear my mind and get some of this pent-up energy out. There are a couple of different things I could do to help but sleeping with someone else and fucking up Cole’s face again aren’t really all that appealing to me, even more so since the only person I want now is Jules. Eyeing my Nikes near my closet, I decide to go for a run.
Maybe if I run long enough, fast enough, I can outrun the problems overtaking my life.
Chapter Twelve
Jules
Humiliation. It bleeds into every pore on my body as all the memories from the night before surface in my mind. Cole, the things he did to me. When I arrive at the apartment, I take an hour-long shower scrubbing at my skin to rid the feeling of his hands, and his lips from my body. Then I cry…I sob against the tile for being stupid, for letting myself be alone with Cole, for letting him slip drugs into my drink. It was my fault… all my fault, I should’ve been smarter, but seeing Remington at the party, it just pushed me, it pushed me to act out.
And act out, I did. I hold my head in my hands. I’m so disappointed in myself. The only good thing to come from last night was Remington. It felt like he was his old self, like he was my Remmy again. He held me in his arms and defended me. He made my heart beat like crazy, my stomach fill with butterflies. Then this morning, he didn’t even let me thank him or apologize for how I acted. He just brushed it off like nothing ever happened.
“You’ll regret this in the morning, trust me.”
His words had never been more false. I didn’t regret what happened between us. In fact, I wanted to relish in the memory of it, because I was certain it wouldn’t happen again. A throbbing begins behind my eyes and I cringe, remembering how I threw myself at him. How I wanted him so badly, I would’ve given myself to him in the state that I was. But he didn’t want me back, he doesn’t want me like I want him, not anymore.
A knock on the bathroom door drags me from my pity party of one.
“Jules, are you okay?” Cally’s muffled voice comes through the door. She sounds concerned and now I feel bad about that too. I told her I was okay when I stormed in here, but of course she doesn’t believe me. We got separated at the party last night, and she knows I didn’t come home, which means she’s assuming I slept with someone.
