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He flinches as though I’ve slapped him. “What? This morning?”
“Shit no, not this morning!”
“Fuck man!” He grinds out, his fingers curling into fists.
“Wait, just let me explain.”
He’s giving me that blank look he’s perfected over the years. The one he used to give the teachers at school when they were pissing him off and he was holding his anger inside. Eastern tends to blow raging hot out of nowhere. At least to strangers it seems that way, but his angry outbursts are never a surprise to me, not when I know the tells so well. This mask he’s wearing now is the same mask he wears right before losing his shit. But now I’ve started, I have to tell him the rest. I must.
Of all people, I owehimmy honesty.
So, that’s what I do. I spill everything whilst he sits in stony silence. I tell him about the kiss with Sonny outside the Tower, about how he fought Monk for me. I tell him about the kiss I shared with Ford glossing over the fact that Ford made me come with just his hands. I’m pretty sure that’s not something he’ll ever want to know about. I explain how they both looked out for me that night of the fight and how, for just a short while, they made me feel safe. I tell him about the kiss Camden stole in the maze, about his sister Sapphire and how Camden isn’t the only one owned, but Ford too by his sister. By the time I’m finished we’re already ten minutes late for class and Mr Burnside is heading towards us across the frozen grass.
“Aren’t you going to say something Eastern?”
He stands up, looking down at me. There’s no hiding how he feels. I’ve hurt him, that’s blatantly obvious when you know what to look for.
“Do you want either of them…bothof them?” he asks me, not even entertaining the idea of Camden even though he appears to be considering the fact I could be with more than one person.
“They were there for me…”
“…when I wasn’t, couldn’t be there for you, right?” he interjects darkly.
“That’s not what I meant…”
“ButI’mhere now. You’ve got me. You don’t need them,” he continues on regardless.
I chew on my lip ring remembering how it felt to be held between Ford and Sonny, and the strange pull I still have for Camden. Even though heisan arsehole, there’s a truth to him that’s intriguing. There’s more to him than he presents to the world and I’m drawn to that. I want to know more, and it isn’t just to save our arse.
“Asia, don’t hold out on me now. Do you want them?” he repeats.
Do I want them? I’ve got no idea. If Eastern had asked if I was attracted to them, then I would’ve said yes. But do I want them? I’ve known Eastern my whole life and it’s taken me this long to know that I want him,needhim. How the hell am I supposed to know how I truly feel about Sonny and Ford in such a short amount of time with all this shit going on?
“I don’t know.” It’s a lame answer, but it’s the truth.
“Do you want me?”
“Eastern, I told you how I feel about you…”
“You friend zoned me on countless occasions, Asia. I get why you did it. To protect yourself, to protect your heart. Then something shifted between us when we kissed at Mr Patel’s shop. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel that too, that you don’t feel this thing between us…”
“I do, Eastern. You know I do. It’s just…”
“You feel something for them too.” He gives me a look that absolutely guts me, but I nod my head anyway. The truth is always better than a lie, no matter how hard it is to stomach.
“Got it.” He turns away from me.
“Wait, Eastern,” I grab his arm and his shoulders slump.
“I need to process. Can you give me that at least? It’s a lot to take in,” he grinds out.
“Yes,” I concede. I understand his jealousy. I felt it too when Opal threw herself at Eastern all those weeks ago. It’s always just been us. Only us. Now it’s way more complicated.
Eastern nods and starts to move away, then stops and looks over his shoulder at me. “Fighting to claim you, Asia, that’seasy. Any fool can throw a punch, but loving you the right way, the way you deserve, that’s the hard part.Ican do that. Can you say the same for them?”
I watch Eastern walk towards Mr Burnside, somehow feeling I’ve just lost my best friend all over again. Maybe I have.
