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6
“Hey Asia, Sonny, pull up a seat and help yourself. Where are the others?” Louisa asks, looking up at us over the mound of sandwiches she’s been making. Behind her, Max is washing up some utensils. He gives us a wink as we take a seat at the kitchen island before wiping his hands and hugging Louisa from behind. They’re so at ease with each other, relaxed. When he presses a kiss against her cheek, she leans into him and smiles softly.
“Ford’s talking to Grim. Eastern and Kate have gone to find Camden,” Sonny explains as he reaches for a sandwich and takes a bite, humming with appreciation.
“You talked things through? What’s been decided?” Max asks, releasing Louisa and busying himself by putting away what he’s just washed up.
“I’m going to kill the King,” I say with a shrug. I’ve already gotten used to the idea. I’m going to do it regardless of how anyone feels.
Max stills and Louisa frowns. Clearly neither of them thinks it’s a good idea either.
“No, you’re not,” Sonny says, forgetting his sandwich and reaching for my hand. “You heard what Camden said.”
“You think I’m going to let Camden take the fall for me? No fucking way.”
“Asia,” Sonny pleads, refusing to let my hand go when I try to remove it from his grasp.
“No, Sonny! I’m going to kill that arsehole and probably his bastard son too. He’ll wish he’d never fucked with my mum, with any of us.” I snatch my hand away, my anger rising once more. I’d suppressed it in the room with Eastern, allowing his love to soothe me, to soften my sharpened edges. But now, it’s coming back full force and I can feel every part of me hardening, readying myself for what I have to do. The walls are going back up, shielding me from harm.
“Asia, please. This isn’t you.” Sonny attempts to give me a one-armed hug. I can hear the concern in his voice, see it in his eyes, but right now I can’t acknowledge it. I can’t. I have to be tough. The people I care about have been threatened and I’m done with it.
“I have to do this,” I say, shrugging out of his hold and pushing him gently away from me. If I let him comfort me I’ll lose it. I won’t have the strength to be the person I need to be.
“Sonny, come with me?” Max asks, looking between us. He knows I need to gather myself, either that or he’s concerned for Sonny’s state of mind given he’s looking at me with so much anguish. Selfishly I want the smiles back, the dimples, but I know the only way that will happen is if I back down, and I can’t. The horrible truth is, none of us will be happy if the King remains alive. That just enrages me further. How dare that man fuck with our lives. How dare he!
“No, I’m staying. Someone needs to make Asia see sense,” he snaps.
But it’s Louisa who doesn’t give him a choice. “Go with Max. Asia and I need to talk. Right now you need to give her some space. Go!” she orders.
Surprisingly he does as she asks but not before addressing me. “Any one of us would step in and kill that rotten bastard for you, Asia.Anyone of us. Thing is I don’t want to lose them either. We might have only made that pact last night, but I won’t let what we have be destroyed. You might think you’re alone, but we proved to you last night that you’re not. I will remind you every day that we’re here, that we’ve got your back…”
“Then have my back with this.”
“Idobut I draw the line at murder. No one’s killing the King. He’ll be brought to justice and we’ll live our lives together whilst he and his bastard son rot in prison.”
“It’s a pretty notion, Sonny. But you know as well as I do that being locked up in prison won’t stop them. Death is theonlyway. I have to kill him.”
“Jesus, fuck! Can you even hear yourself, Asia? Think about what you’re saying.” His baby blue eyes are wild with concern and fear, not for the King, nor Monk, or himself. But fear for me. It makes my mouth go dry and my resolve wane.
“Just go,” I say, turning my back on him as Max walks him out of the kitchen. My heart hurts, not because of what I have to do, but because Sonny just looked at me like he doesn’t know who I am. I drop my head, trying to will myself not to fucking break down again.
Louisa sighs heavily, sitting down next to me. She rests her hand over mine, and holds it, not saying a word. Eventually, I look up at her.
“You’re tough, Sonny wasn’t wrong about that,” she says, her gaze searching my face. “But I see what you’re doing.”
“And what’s that?”
“Pushing them away just when you need them the most. A natural reaction given the circumstances, especially for someone who’s always had to look after herself.”
“I suppose you’re going to tell me that’s what it was like for you. You were alone, looking after number one. Pushing everyone away. I bet your mother was an addict too, yeah?” I scoff, wincing internally at how fucking ungrateful I sound.
“She was, actually. Drink killed her. Well, liver failure did, but it was the booze she drunk in copious amounts that took her from me way before she died physically. So yeah, I get where you’re coming from more than most.”
“I’m sorry,” I mutter.
“Me too.”
For a while we just sit. Silence gapes between us but weirdly I don’t feel any distance or animosity, just understanding. She’s allowing me a moment to just be. To breathe, to settle my thoughts.
