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“No!” I laugh a little hysterically which only causes her to raise her brows at me and give me her signature ‘yeah, right’ look.
“I swear it…”
“Hmm,” she responds, haughty little minx.
Sweet Jesus, at fourteen she’s twenty times worse than she was at ten in terms of attitude, and don’t get me started on her tidiness, or lack of it. Instead of dolls and toys littering the space, it’s make-up and clothes. She’s gota lotof stuff. Too much actually. It’s particularly suspicious especially since she’s still at school, doesn’t have a weekend job and no money to buy all this shit. Our mum barely gets paid enough in her job as a mobile hairdresser to cover the rent money, bills, and her addiction to wine, which is bordering on alcoholic, let alone my sister’s addiction to making herself look pretty. Either Lena has a sugar daddy, is running around with the Skins or is stealing it all. I’m hoping for the latter because the other two options don’t bear thinking about.
“Then what’s up with you, Pen? You look pale as fuck.” She places her mug and crisps on the dresser beside her bed and sits down next to me. “Have you thrown up again?” she asks, putting the back of her hand against my forehead to feel for a temperature. She might be a pain in my arse most of the time, but underneath it all she’s a good kid.
“No, I haven’t puked…” Well, at least not today anyway.
Over the past two days nerves have got the better of me, add to top it all off, the shock at seeing Zayn again after such a long time meant my stomach has taken the brunt of it. To make matters worse, where Zayn is, so too are the rest of my Breakers.MyBreakers? Fuck. They’re not mine anymore. Inside, my heart squeezes painfully and nausea rises up my throat despite the good news.
“What is it then?” Lena persists.
Turning to face her, I push down every other thought and concentrate on the one thing that I’ve been working towards all my life. I can’t control what the Breakers do any more than I can control the actions of other criminals who run this estate. Whatever happens, happens. I’m not part of their crew anymore. Gripping her hand, I squeeze tightly and force myself to smile.
“I got into Stardom. I’m in, Lena.I’m in.”
For a moment Lena just stares at me, then she squeals loudly and throws herself into my arms. The sound is loud enough to make my mum come running.
“What the hell is going on?” she shouts, her gloved hands covered in peroxide mixture as she stands in the doorway. In the front room, Karen, our neighbour, and mum’s friend, is having her roots dyed.
“Mum, Pen got a place at the academy. She got in!”
I can’t help but smile at Lena’s enthusiasm, but my grin disappears the second my mum’s gaze lands on mine. Here we go.
“Just perfect. Now who’s going to help me pay the bills, huh? Did you think of that before you went swanning off to audition after I strictly forbade it?”
“Mum!” Lena snaps, but I reach for her arm, squeezing gently.
“I’m anadult. You can’t stop me from doing anything.”
“Need I remind you that you live undermyroof, so you followmyrules. Call them back and tell them you’re not taking the spot.” She glares at me and I wonder, not for the first time, why she hates me so fucking much.
“No.”
“No?!” she spits, her face turning pink with anger. “Do as you’re damn well told or find yourself somewhere else to live.”
I get up, my body vibrating with anger as a huge well of sadness opens up inside my chest. “I’m moving out. I’ve been given a studio flat to stay at in the academy,” I say tightly, flicking my gaze to Lena who bites her lip. I hate leaving her, but what else can I do?
“You selfish little bitch!” Mum hisses, her nostrils flaring as she flicks her gaze down the hall. On the surface Mum’s a nice, regular, church going woman who’s brought her kids up without a husband but under the watchful eye of God. Yet, no one has any idea just how fucking evil she really is beneath the bullshit façade.
“Me, selfish?” I splutter, unable to hide the hurt I feel. “David chose a life of crime. He barely checks in with you from one month to the next and you’re telling meI’mselfish when all I’ve done is hold this family together and work my arse off so that you can feed your forty a day cigarette habit and get pissed every other night at the local pub? David has only ever cared about himself. He’s incapable of giving a shit about anyone else given he’s a fucking maniac!”
“Shut the hell up, Penelope,” she snarls through gritted teeth, peering nervously down the hall.
Oh, yeah, I forgot that we can’t talk about the fact that David is high up in the drug trafficking set-up the Skins have got going and is a fucking psycho to boot. I’m glad he’s not living here anymore and has fucked off to Mexico. At least Lena’s safe from harm. That’s all that matters.
“What’s wrong Mum? Afraid the neighbours will learn your son doesn’t work undercover for the goddamn Met Police like you keep telling them and is in fact the prick everyone thinks he is?”
“I’m warning you, Penelope. Shut your mouth!” she hisses.
“Mum, Pen’s right. David’s no good…” Lena says, attempting to back me up. Mum rounds on her, her eyes narrowing.
“David does his bit. He sends money home. At least he has a future.”
“A future? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you actually live in cloud-fucking-cuckoo-land? Theonlyfuture David has is an empty cell waiting for him at Her Majesty’s pleasure, because sooner or later he’s gonna be locked up, Mum, and I’ll be dancing all over Hackney when that day comes!”
