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“Enough!” she snaps. “They won’t ever be able to catch him because he’s not stupid enough to come home. Now, grab your crap and get the hell out of my flat. Do not expect to come crawling back here when all your plans go to shit and whoever offered you a place realises their mistake.”
“Mum,please…” Lena begs, her eyes welling.
I look at my sister and shake my head. “It’s okay. This was always gonna happen.”
Mum scoffs, then stabs me in the heart with her words. “I should’ve aborted you when I had the chance.”
“Tellthatto your God,” I bite back, pointing to the silver cross that hangs around her throat, identical to the one David wears. “I’m sureHe’dhave something to say about it! Then again He hasn’t helped me all those times you’ve beaten me over the years, so I don’t suppose he would’ve given a fuck if you’d aborted me like you wish you had.”
“Get out of my house,” she repeats, before turning on her feet and leaving me bleeding out on the floor.
Lena’s hand flies to her mouth, tears pricking her eyes, but I refuse to cry. Not this time. Not anymore. “I can’t believe she just said that.”
“It’s not the first time,” I admit. Mum has always been so careful not to say those hateful words in front of Lena or any of her friends. Not today. She’s dug the knife in and twisted.
“I hate her.”
“You don’t. She lovesyou,” I heave a sigh, beyond jealous. For a long time I was envious of my sister because Mum doted on her so much. Even David tolerated Lena, never once laying a hand on her, mainly because Mum wouldn’t let him, and he had me to lay into whenever he felt the need. I can’t begrudge Lena Mum’s love. I wouldn’t wish this feeling of worthlessness on anyone, especially not my little sister. Aside from my friendship with the Breakers, she’s been the only bright thing in my life. At least I still have her.
“I don’t care. As soon as I’m eighteen I’m getting out of here, Pen. I can’t stand her.”
“If I could take you with me, I would. You know that, right?”
She nods her head. “Yeah, I know…”
I open my arms and she walks right into them, holding me close as she buries her head in the crook of my neck. “I’m proud of you, Pen, even if Mum isn’t. I don’t understand what her problem is…”
“I don’t know either, Lena.”
The truth is mum has always hated me. As far back as I can remember she’s looked at me like I’m nothing but a disappointment. Maybe it’s because she had us so young. Getting pregnant at fourteen with David, then at eighteen with me, must’ve been hard, especially when our father walked out on us a few weeks after my birth. But I’ve always tried to be a good kid. I went to school, I worked hard, and I stayed out of trouble. It’s why I took up dance instead of following in my brother’s footsteps. Despite that, she still dotes on him even though she hates me. At least she loves Lena. I don’t think I would’ve been able to leave her alone with mum if she treated her the same way as she’s treated me over the years.
“Make sure you call me every night, yeah?” Lena asks, sniffling. She pulls back, rubbing at her pretty blue eyes. They’re such a lovely shade of light blue, the complete opposite to my murky brown ones.
“Every night. I promise.”
“Are you going now?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I have a choice.”
Lena smiles sadly. “At least this time you’re not running away, and I’ll be able to see you when I want, right?”
I gulp down the sudden ball of anxiety in my throat as my hands begin to shake. “You remember that time?”
“Of course I remember. I cried the whole week you were gone.”
“You never said anything at the time… or after.”
“I didn’t want to bring it up. I thought you’d run away again if I did. So I pretended that I believed the story Mum made up about you going to stay with your dad for a week. We all knew that wanker fucked-off and started a new life somewhere else not long after you were born.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.”
Lena gives me a brave smile and a brief hug. “It’s okay, I understand why you ran. Mum’s always so mean to you. Honestly, I’ve often wondered over the years why you didn’t do it again.”
I breathe out slowly, willing myself to keep hold of the secret about what really happened the night I ran away. Plastering on a fake smile, I grin at my sister and make light of the situation. “Yeah, I’ve often wondered why too. Perhaps it’s Mum’s amazing Sunday roasts that stopped me,” I joke.
Lena rolls her eyes. “Let’s face it, her cooking is enough to sendanyonerunning.”
We both burst out laughing, and whilst on the outside I’m smiling, on the inside I’m dying a little. That night changed everything for me, in more ways than one.
