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13
Four years ago
The truth of how I feel burns a hole in my chest as Xeno escorts his latest girlfriend, Dee, out of the basement. I can hear her complaining about the fact that I get to stay behind and hang out when she doesn’t. It’s past one in the morning, and for the last half-hour she’s been putting off leaving, desperate to get to stay and encroach on my time withmyBreakers.
Girlfriends are a pain in my arse.
Over the course of our friendship, they’ve all had a girlfriend at one point or the other. They never last long, mainly because the guys get bored easily or the girls start moaning about their friendship with me. On the other hand, I’ve never had a boyfriend, unless you count all four of them. Which, of course, I don’t.
“Come on, Xeno,” Dee whines from beyond the closed door. “Let me stay, I’ll make it worth your while.”
He doesn’t respond with words, and it goes suspiciously quiet. A few moans later it’s clear how he’s got her to shut the hell up. I try not to throw up in my mouth.
“You alright, Titch?” York asks me. He pins me with his gaze, and I try not to give anything away, but given the way he’s watching me, it appears that it’s already too late for that.
He always seems to know when I’m down, and whilst most of the time I love that he’s so attentive, tonight I wish he’d leave me the fuck alone. I’ve had to endure Xeno and Dee playing tonsil tennis all night and it’s driving me crazy. When Zayn copped off with her friend, it took everything in me not to throw a hissy fit. Thankfully, York and Dax kept me company. So I got through the torture,just.
“Titch?” he prompts, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, giving me his undivided attention.
“I’m just dandy,” I lie, waving him off and wishing I didn’t feel like my heart has been carved out of my chest and trodden on. It’s not Xeno or Zayn’s fault, in their minds we’re best friends, just like the rest of the Breakers. Except that isn’t strictly true because firstly, Dax and I shared a kiss a couple weeks ago and secondly, I’ve been in love with them all for months now.
“Well, I think you need a drink for putting up with Xeno’s side piece all night. In fact you need a medal, but I haven’t got one of those. Will vodka and Cola do?” he asks me with a wide grin, blinding me with his handsome face. God, when he did he get so good-looking?
“Yeah, I think it will.” It might take the edge off the jealousy I feel and dampen my raging hormones a bit. Nodding, he heads over to the fridge to fix me a drink.
On the floor, Zayn is sprawled out flat on his back smoking a joint. The heavy scent of weed lifts into the air, floating around the space. I’m getting high from the second-hand smoke. He turns to his side, the whites of his eyes pink from all the Mary-J in his system. As he moves his t-shirt creeps up showing me a flash of tan, muscled skin and a trail of dark hair that disappears beneath the waistband of his jeans.
“Guess Xeno’s busytickling her pickle.” He laughs at his own joke for much longer than necessary.
“Sounds like it,” I agree, rolling my eyes to cover my scowl.
“I wonder if her little friend Chastity would hook up with me again if I asked nicely?” he muses.
“I imagineDestinywould love it, if you remembered her name right, that is.”
Zayn looks at me wide-eyed, then bursts out laughing, too high to notice the jealousy in my voice. “Fuck me, I meant Destiny! She had a great arse though, that Idoremember.”
Blowing out a breath, I almost tell York to hurry the fuck up with the drink. Loving these boys and having to put up with their hands on every other girl in Hackney, bar me, is harder than I thought.
“Shut the fuck up, Zayn,” Dax says, eyeing me up from the other side of the room. He strolls over, all height and muscles and steps over Zayn who is too out of it to even notice the anger in his tone. Tonight, he’s wearing baggy shorts paired with a graphic t-shirt and hoodie which, as usual, is pulled up over his head. Dax looks more like a skater dude than a badass dancer.
“Can I sit?” he asks me.
“Of course,” I respond, feeling weirded out by the formality.
He plonks himself on the sofa next to me and for a while doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his gaze on my face as I pull at a piece of string hanging from my t-shirt and try to block out the muffled moans coming from the other side of the basement door.
York returns with my drink, handing it to me before laying out on the floor next to Zayn and taking the joint from him. I watch as his pink lips wrap around the blunt and he inhales slowly. His gaze flicks between me and Dax, an unreadable expression on his face. We all kind of sit in silence trying to ignore the fact Xeno is most likely fucking Dee just beyond the closed door. I gulp down half of my drink, grateful for the fact York has given me a double. Hopefully the alcohol will start kicking in soon.
“You alright?” Dax eventually asks.
“I’d be better if I didn’t have to listen to Xeno and Dee fucking in the hallway…”
Without meaning to, I heave out a sigh and press my eyes shut at the sudden tears that form. Dax wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close, surprising me with his sudden affection and his words.
“No matter who comes and goes, you’reours, Kid. Don’t forget it,” he says loudly enough for Zayn and York to hear. He seems just as pissed off as I am.
To be fair, usually they’re all so careful around me. Making sure I don’t feel uncomfortable about the girls they’re seeing and reassuring me that I’m still their number one priority. For the most part, they treat me with respect and kindness. Tonight, however, it’s felt like Xeno’s been rubbing my face in it with Dee, and Zayn has been too high to filter the words coming out of his mouth or curb his behaviour around the girls. There’s been a couple times I’ve wanted to leave, but either Dax or York has stopped me, managing to persuade me to stay.
