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16
Four years ago
Folding my hands in my lap, I wait for my Breakers to settle down around me. My head is still pounding from earlier, but at least I’m conscious now. York is sitting next to Xeno on the sofa opposite and Zayn is on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. Over the other side of the room Dax is leaning against the wall, separate from us all. I don’t like it.
“Dax, come here,” I say, my cheeks heating, feeling shy all of a sudden. God, this is going to be hard.
“Sit down, Dax. I ain’t gonna throw another punch,” Xeno mutters.
“You wouldn’t get another chance,” Dax grumbles back, and for a moment I worry it’s all going to blow up again. Xeno might be the leader of this crew, but everyone knows Dax is the best fighter. Whenever we’ve got into scraps with other dance crews, it’s always Dax who heads up the fight. Over the past year, he’s gotten a bit of a name for himself. He’s known asTeardrop Daxbecause fighting him will only end with his opponent in tears. Dax never cries, no matter how hurt he gets. Never. He’s tough.
And yet, I know the truth. He’s a kid beaten down by his abusive home life. Of all the Breakers, I worry for him the most. He holdseverythinginside. The only time he ever expresses himself is when he dances, living up to his name in a different way. There have been plenty of times where I’ve had to hold back the tears when watching him dance. Sometimes it’s impossible and I cry for him when he can’t do the same for himself, though I hold it in until I get home so no one can see.
“Please, don’t fight anymore…” I reach for the sore spot on my head absentmindedly, but it’s enough to remind them all what happened earlier and they both fall silent. Dax sits down, but he doesn’t reach for me. The distance between us feels significant. I hate it.
Sighing, I worry my lip, pulling at a piece of loose skin with my teeth. The metallic taste of blood makes me reach up and wipe my mouth with the sleeve of my jumper.
“You had something you wanted to say?” York gently prompts me. He gives me an encouraging smile and my heart flutters.
Swallowing hard, I nod, keeping my gaze fixed on him. “I don’t know how.”
“Just say it, Pen. Whatever it is, just say it,” Zayn says, frowning now.
“Dax and I…” I choke out the words, feeling my skin flush with heat and my heart hammer so painfully that I think there’s a real chance that I’ll pass out. I can feel it battering with bloody fists against the inside of my ribcage, so violent I almost choke.
“Dax and you,what?” Zayn asks. His black eyes spark dangerously, and the atmosphere suddenly becomes a thousand times more intense.
I can’t breathe. My throat feels like it’s closing up. Jesus, what was I thinking? I keep looking between my Breakers. I’m so scared I’ll lose them. How am I going to tell them that I kissed Dax let alone have feelings for all four of them? This isn’t how normal people behave. I’m sixteen, still a virgin and the first person I kissed was Dax for crying out loud. I don’t know how to do this. I’m not like the other girls, all sexy and sure of themselves.
York clears his throat. “Would it help if I told them…”
I look at him with wide eyes. He knows. Oh God, he knows. I’m so shocked that my mouth pops open, then slams shut. “I… erm…shit.”
“I kissed Pen. I kissed her, okay?” Dax butts in, growling. He’s angry. Why is he angry?
“You did WHAT?!” Zayn stands, his fists curled.
“Sit down, Zayn,” Xeno snaps.
“This is what you were fighting about?” Zayn glares at Xeno, swiping a hand through his hair before turning his attention on Dax. “You copped-off with Pen. What the fuck, man?”
Dax grunts and I can feel his anger growing. If I don’t say something soon this is going to blow up again.
“I kissed Dax too. It wasn’t one-sided,” I admit.
Zayn snaps his head around to stare at me, his mouth pressed into a hard line. “When?” he asks.
“A few weeks ago. The night Dax beat the shit out of that bloke who tried it on with me at Rocks. It just happened.”
“Yeah, whilst we were all inside the club, Dax was putting it on Tiny in the alleyway out back,” Xeno adds, his face a dark scowl.
Dax shifts forward in his seat. I hold my hand out. “No! It wasn’t like that.” Swallowing the sick feeling in my stomach, I shift closer to Dax and rest my hand on his arm. He tenses, then relaxes a little as I shuffle closer. “It wasn’t like that,” I persist.
“What was it like then?” Zayn drops back to the floor, his shoulders slumping.
“Iwantedhim to kiss me. I liked it,” I whisper.
Dax’s head snaps around, his eyes flashing with something I don’t understand. Relief maybe, hope, even. “You did?”
