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“I did,” I admit.
He reaches for me, cupping my cheek in his large palm. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time, Kid.”
My heart clunks against my ribcage at his words and the feel of his thumb running across my cheek. I lean into his hold. “I had no idea…”
“Fuck’s sake,” Xeno swears under his breath, breaking up this intimate moment between Dax and me. “So you’re an item now, is that it?”
“No… It’s not like that,” I say. Dax removes his hand, his jaw gritting once more. He stiffens when I squeeze his arm, willing him to understand.
“Then what is it? Jesus, Tiny, you need to fucking tell us. Are you into Dax or not?” Xeno presses, glaring at me. That angry muscle ticking away in his jaw.
“I am, but…”
“But what, Titch? Come on, you can tell us. We’re friends, remember?” It’s York this time, he’s watching me carefully. His voice is soft, supportive. God, I love him. I love them all, and that’s the fucking problem.
“That’s just it. We’re friends. One kiss with Dax and you’re tearing each other apart.”
“Ihave no issue with you and Dax being together, if that’s what you’re worried about,” York responds, though something in the depths of his eyes tells me that isn’t completely true. “These two will just have to suck it up.”
“But Iamworried, York, because this isn’t just about the kiss. It’s about you too.”
“Me?” York points to his chest, surprised.
“Yes. You, Xeno,” I say, flicking my gaze to meet his grass-green stare that right now is drilling a hole in my chest like he’s trying to make a path for my heart to escape and fall into his hands. “Zayn too.”
“What are you getting at?” Zayn asks, cocking his head to the side.
“I’m sorry if this is going to make everything awkward, and I’ll understand if you don’t want me in the crew anymore. It’s just…”
“Kid, just say it,” Dax mutters as he places his hand over mine and squeezes.
“It’s just…fuck’s sake,” I mutter, angry at myself for being such a coward. Lifting my head up, I force the words out. “I want to kiss all of you too, and I don’t know what to do about that.” My confession comes out in a rush of air that has me sinking into the sofa as though I’ve run a marathon.
“Fuck me,” Zayn grumbles, scraping a hand over his face.
Dax blows out a breath, Xeno jumps up to his feet and stalks over to the fridge. I watch him pour himself a generous shot of vodka then knock it back. When I look at York, he’s grinning. Great, just fucking great. I should’ve kept quiet.
“Well, that’s thrown an interesting twist to the situation,” he says, shaking his head with mirth.
“It’s not funny, York,” I retort, my cheeks heating. Dax squeezes my hand, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles. That gentle touch makes my heart flutter and something low down tighten. I squirm a little, trying to ease the feeling.
“So let me get this straight. You kissed Dax a few weeks ago and liked it, and now you want to kiss all of us too…?” Zayn asks, cocking his head to the side. There’s no sarcasm in his tone, just an openness that I’ve come to appreciate from him.
“Yes, no. I mean. I’ve thought about it. A lot. I realise that makes me a shitty person.” I turn to Dax. “It doesn’t mean that I like you any less…” I mumble.
“I understand, Kid,” he replies, but I don’t think he does. Our eyes meet, and for a moment it’s just the two of us in the room. Despite the hoodie pulled up over his head, I can see beneath his armour and all I want to do is climb into his lap and kiss all the pain away.
“No, you don’t.”
“It doesn’t make you a bad person, Titch. We’re your friends. You should be able to tell us these things. The thing is…” York pauses, his smile dropping now as I drag my gaze away from Dax and face him. “Kissing Dax has changed things.”
I drop my head. “I know. I don’t want you all to fall out. You’ve never fought like that before,” I say to Xeno’s back because he’s still facing the damn wall, refusing to look at me.
“I’m sorry I’ve messed this all up.” Pulling my hand free from Dax’s, I stand, ignoring the biting sting of tears and the room swimming around me because I still feel woozy from the bang to my head. “I’m an idiot. You’re my friends and I love you all so much…” The words come out strangled because I mean them.Reallymean them.
“You love us? As friends, you mean?” York asks gently. I focus on him, because I can feel the atmosphere change again and I’m shivering with…everything. My head thumps and this weird spot on my chest hurts. I rub at it absentmindedly with the flat of my hand.
“Yes, as friends…”Fuck, Pen just say it.“But more than that. It drives me crazy when you’re with other girls. I don’t like it. Most of the time I want to throat punch them.” I laugh, but it comes out sounding hollow. “I kissed Dax because I wanted to. It felt so right. It really, really did,” I say, looking over my shoulder at him. “I want to kiss him some more, but then…”
