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“It was one of the happiest times of my life…”
“What’s the point of all this?” he asks, running his gaze up and down my length, feigning boredom when really I see the restless, baying beast just beneath the surface. When we were kids that beast would come out in a number of ways, aggression when dancing, sarcasm in a serious conversation, humour to disguise desire, withdrawal when everything got too much. I wonder, if pushed, what it would look like now.
“Whatisthe point?” I muse out loud, laughing a little. “Christ, I don’t know Xeno. I suppose I was trying to work out who the man is that stands before me now. I’m trying to work out if the boy I loved is still there within him.”
“Well, I can help you with that. That boy is fuckinggone.” He hunches over, nostrils flaring like a bull ready to impale its tormentor. I nod, wishing he’d just let out his anger in dance like the others did. Except that’s never been Xeno’s style. There’s always been something that holds him back from really sharing himself with me.
“Why are you here, Xeno?” I wish he would just tell me the truth and save us both the heartache.
Tell me what David wants to know. Tell me so I can keep Lena safe.
For a moment I actually consider being truthful, completely truthful, then I’m reminded that Jeb would kill me and Lena for it before David could even get his hands on me. So I swallow down my truths and push a little harder.
“Why are you here, Xeno?” I repeat.
He scoffs, shaking his head. “I thought I made that clear at Rocks.”
“So you want to punish me, is that it?”
“That would imply that I actually give a shit about you. That any of us do.”
“Yet, you’re allhereat Stardom Academy. Every night I wonder if I’m going to find another one of you lying on my bed waiting to fucking pounce.”
“What are you talking about?”
“York broke into my flat last Friday, just to fucking mess with me…”
“He didwhat?” Xeno snaps, but I don’t explain further, he can go ask York himself.
“You’vecoercedme into attending these bachata lessons,” I continue. “Today I’ve had to endure watching you dance with every fucking girl bar me, just like when we were kids. Youforcedme to battle Dax knowing what that would do to me, and then paired me up with him just to dig the fucking knife in. Youkissedme at Rocks knowing that would get back to Jeb.
Why, if not to punish me?”
“I told you, we’re here to reclaim what’sours…” he answers automatically, as though that vague, bullshit response is enough of an explanation.
“Reclaim what’s yours?” I push, cocking my head to the side as I rest my hand on his chest. Could he mean me? Or is that just wishful, desperate thinking on my part? Xeno stiffens at my touch, but he doesn’t step away. In fact, he steps closer, crowding me. His gym bag drops to the floor as he lifts his hands and slams them against the door on either side of my head.
“Oh, I see. You think we’re back to reclaimyou, Pen.” He barks out a laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t want you back when we were kids, and I sure as fuck don’t want you now.” Shadows flitter across his face in his attempt to dissolve our memories into charcoal and dust, but like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I remind him of the fire that was always there between us.
“Bullshit! I have a good memory, Xeno. I remember what you’d said to me. I remember how you looked at me when you didn’t think I noticed. I remember the jealousy in your eyes when York, Zayn and Dax kissed me. I’m not a fool. You loved me too. Maybe not now, but back then you did.”
“Back then I told you what you wanted to hear because you were my friend, because I felt sorry for you, nothing more.”
“And now?” I ask, humouring him because I know that’s crap.
“Now,” he leans over, pressing his lips against my ear. “You mean shit to me.”
“That kiss told me otherwise,” I retort, grinding my teeth and swallowing the bitter taste of rejection and the sharp shards of his hate.
“That kiss was a fucking warning, Pen.”
“A warning?”
“Yes, a warning,” he hisses, sending my blood boiling.
“Kissing me was a bad fucking idea. You of all people should know that.”
“Oh, you think Jeb didn’t know?” Tipping his head back, Xeno laughs cruelly. “He’s the one who ordered me to do it.”
