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“What?Why?”
“It was atest, Pen.” He slams his mouth shut, yanking back his hands, and stepping away from me.
“A test?” I press, stepping into his space, not letting him off so easily.
Xeno scrapes a hand over his face, schooling his features into a mask. “This conversation is over. Get the fuck out of my way.”
He's shaking now, visibly trembling, and I don’t understand it at all. Not one for letting anything go and throwing caution to the wind, I line my body up against his. “What test, Xeno?” I ask, tipping my head back to look up at him.
For a moment he just stares down at me, and all I see is conflict burning brightly in his green orbs. When his hands come up to grip my face in his palms, a cool kind of calm seems to wash over him, like the current of a salt water lake caressing a stone on its banks.
“I was the only one who never kissed you. Never crossed the fucking line. Jeb believes it was because I cared too much.”
“He was right…”
“No, he was wrong. Just like you are now.”
“That’sbullshit. Tell yourself what you need to if it makes you feel any better, but I know how you felt about me. How youstillfeel about me. It’s so obvious now.”
“You’re delusional.” He glares at me, his fingers gripping my face harshly. “I kissed you because you meannothingto me. To prove to Jeb that I don’t give a shit. Kiss you, don’t kiss you. Mess with you, don’t mess with you. We’re here for one thing and one thing only and it has fuck all to do with you! You can fight me on it all you like, but it won’t change the fact that you’re insignificant, Pen.”
“So insignificant that you threatened to kill Frederico if he came near me again when we were kids? So insignificant that when you caught Zayn and me making out on your bed when we were younger you watched us both with fuckingloveand lust in your eyes? So insignificant that you couldn’t keep your hands off me in the dance studio last week? So insignificant that you’re full of rage right now? Stop lying to yourself.”
“Frederico was a thorn in the Skin’s side and was dealt with accordingly, it really had shit all to do with you. There might’ve been lust in my eyes when I watched you and Zayn, but it was the equivalent of watching a porno. I was aboyand it was a good show. As for dancing with you last week, it was nothing more than me fucking with your head…”
“And the anger? If you really don’t give a shit about me, why so goddamn angry?”
“I’m full of ragebecause you’re in my damn way.”
He lets me go with a shove and a well of anger rises up within me because Iknow. I know he’s lying. You don’t get to love someone as long as I have and not know when they’re lying to you. What’s that saying:he doth protest too much? Right now Xeno is full of shit. He fucking reeks of it. Reaching for him as he tries to sidestep around me, my fingers curl into his t-shirt, scrunching the material in my hands.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe what you like, Pen. You could offer yourself up to Zayn, York and Dax, and I wouldn’t give a shit,” he snaps, a cruel smile carving across his face.
“Be careful what you wish for, Xeno,” I warn, before slamming my lips against his and kissing him with all the hurt, anger, hate, lust, and love I can muster. This is me fighting back. This is me showing him what he missed out on when we were kids, and what the other Breakers experienced when he was too fucking stubborn to do the same.
He steps back, trying to pull away, but I chase him, grasping the back of his head and forcing my kiss on him, forcing my tongue inside his mouth. Just like he did to me at Rocks, I’m stealing a kiss now. I don’t care if he wants it or not. I don’t care if he’s disgusted, pissed off, indifferent, angry. He needs to know that I’m not to be fucked with. I refuse to let him pretend that I meant nothing, that I mean nothing now.
Irefuse.
When his lips finally respond, when his arms wrap around my back and his fingers dig painfully into my hips as he clings on tightly, like he never, ever wants to let me go, I break the kiss even though it’s the last thing I want to do. Releasing him, I step back, my lips as bruised as my heart.
“Maybe you should have accepted what I was offering back when we were kids.Maybeif you had kissed me like the others did then none of this would’ve happened.”
I realise how stupid that sounds, that I’m suggesting we’d all be together now if only he’d given in and kissed me, but it’s always felt like he was the missing link. That if he’d allowed himself to fall like the others had before it was too late, then we wouldn’t be where we are now. That together we could’ve dealt with my brother and Jeb, somehow.
“A kiss wouldn’t have changed a thing.Thiskiss doesn’t change a damn thing. You’re still…”
“Don’t! Don’t ever say that what we shared was insignificant,” I cut in, refusing to let him say that damn word one more time. “Because one day, Xeno, you’re going to kiss me withloveand when that day comes, we’ll both be fucked and there won’t be a damn thing I can do about it.”
Turning on my feet, I storm out of the studio, leaving him with the one truth I want to run from. This isn’t going to end well for the Breakers or for me, but I have no fucking choice. Lena’s life is under threat and I won’t allow her to be David’s next victim. I won’t.
