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38
Pen
It’s Sunday morning, and I’ve spent the weekend in bed with Dax. We’ve fucked, we’ve danced together in the studio, we’ve talked, we’ve healed each other. I’ve asked about the others, but he just told me they needed time to deal with their shit and left it at that. I haven’t pressed him for any more information, and he hasn’t offered up any more of an explanation than that. Right now he’s cooking me breakfast. On the side table, my phone beeps and I pick it up, opening the text message.
Clancy: Babe, I’ve spent the whole weekend in bed. River has skills for daaaaayyyyssss.
She follows up her message with a string of emojis that I can’t even begin to decipher right now. Though I’m gathering from the copious amounts of egg plants and lips that they’ve had a lot of fun.
Me:Too much information. I hope your dad doesn’t know what you got up to this weekend. I still can’t believe he was cool with all of that.
Clancy:Babe, my dad would shit a brick if he knew. Friday night was on me. I knew you wouldn’t come if you thought I’d paid for it all. Don’t kill me.
Me: Clancy!!!
Clancy: Sorry Babe, got 2 go. River’s waking up.
Shaking my head, I place my mobile phone on the side table. “Should’ve known, the sneaky bitch,” I grumble.
“Who’s a sneaky bitch?” Dax asks, peering around the door into the bedroom, the delicious smell of sizzling bacon drifting into the room.
“Clancy fibbed to me about something. It’s all cool though. I still love her.”
“Good, I like Clancy. Has she been a good friend to you?”
“Yeah, yeah she has.” I climb out of bed and pull on Dax’s t-shirt and joggers. He stares at me hungrily the whole time. He’s insatiable and my cheeks blush at what we’ve shared. Talk about making up for lost time. “Don’t look at me like that, Dax. I still haven’t recovered from the several orgasms you gave me last night, not to mention the day before.”
“Is that so?” he cocks his brow, a self-satisfied smirk pulling up his lips. “So, tell me, did York and Zayn give you as many orgasms? Coz you bet your arse I’m making a mental tally. Those boys better up their game.”
I pick up a pillow from the bed and throw it at him. It bounces off the wall, completely missing him. He laughs loudly and the sound warms my heart. When he pops his head back into the room, he’s grinning.
“Come on, let’s eat,” he says, pushing the door open and offering his hand.
When we step into the living area, I’m confronted with three very exhausted men. I stiffen, my mouth suddenly going dry. Xeno is sitting on the coffee table, his head in his hands, Zayn is on the sofa and York is frying up the bacon in the kitchen.
“It’s okay, Kid,” Dax says, trying to reassure me. “They might look like shit, but they’re good now. I swear it. Any more trouble, and they’ll have me to deal with,” he warns them, tugging on my hand. He leads me to the sofa, positioning me next to Zayn who immediately wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close, pressing a kiss to my head.
“Hey, Pen,” he says softly, gravel in his voice. He sounds exhausted.
Dax settles on the other side of me and rests his hand on my leg. I glance at York, who takes the pan off the heat and sets the bacon aside. He joins us, pressing a kiss against my head before sitting down. He doesn’t say a word. None of them do. They wait, and I realise after a moment that they’re not waiting for me to speak, but for Xeno to face us all. The fact that he still can’t do that fucking hurts.
When a long drawn out silence begins to make us all feel uncomfortable and Zayn mutters something cutting under his breath, I realise it’s me who has to make the first move. I have to bridge the chasm between us. I don’t know what’s gone on between the three of them, but judging by the heavy bags under Zayn and York’s eyes, it’s been a long weekend. They’ve all changed clothes, so I imagine they’ve been at the Academy this whole time. Xeno being here now is a huge step, and I need to pull up my big girl pants and tell them the truth.
It’s time.
Drawing in a deep breath, I slide out from between Zayn and Dax and kneel in front of Xeno.
“Will you look at me?” I question softly. Reaching for him, my fingers press against his knees gently. He flinches but I refuse to be put off. “Please. I need to tell you something important.”
“Jesus, man, just let it go, Xeno. Fucking look at Pen,” Zayn says in frustration, but still he refuses. I won’t let that deter me. This is the barrier my decision to walk away from them put up between the two of us. It’s up to me to break it down.
“The first thing you need to know is that Iloveyou. All of you. I never, ever stopped,” I say fiercely, my fingers wrapping around his jean-clad knees. I look over at my boys sitting on the sofa and smile through the cracks in my voice. It feels good to say that out loud, to mean that. “Walking away from you all was the single hardest thing I ever had to do. You have to know I wouldn’t have done it if I had a choice.”
“Fuck,” Dax utters, but I return my attention back to Xeno.
If I was the beating heart of our fivesome, then he was the glue. Without him we won’t stick, no matter how much we want to. My fingers slide up Xeno’s arms, and I cup my hands over his. He has his palms resting over his eyes and his fingers curling into his hair. I wrap my fingers gently around his hands and pull them away from his face.
“Please, just look at me,” I beg.
