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11
Pen
“Thank you for coming, Pen. Please, take a seat,” Madame Tuillard says, pointing at the chair when I enter her office the following morning. She clasps her hands on the desk in front of her and presses her mouth into a hard line. “I understand that you’re aware of what’s going on.”
“Yes.”
She nods tightly, staring at me for a moment as though trying to decide what’s appropriate to say next. I don’t envy her position and, honestly, I’m surprised she agreed to the drugs being delivered here at all. Then again, who am I to judge? We all do crazy things for the ones we love.
“I started this Academy because I love dance. It’s my passion. It’s what drives me. Like most of the students here, dance is my way to escape, to express myself. I was lucky enough to have a fulfilling career.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because when I see dancers as talented as you, I’mexcited. There’s something very special about you, Pen. Your audition was the best I’ve ever seen in all my time here. I see a bright future for you…” Her voice trails off and she sighs heavily.
“There’s a but though, right?”
“I fell in love with Duncan before he went to prison. I met him at a nightclub that I’d snuck out to with my best friend. He was the cool kid, dangerous. I was the prim, middle class girl who was wrapped up in cotton wool by her parents and kept on a tight leash. Our attraction was immediate and explosive,” she says almost wistfully.
“...Okay,” I say, feeling more than a little awkward.
“Duncan said that you were friends with the Breakers as kids. Is that right?”
“We grew up together,” I confirm, wondering where this conversation is taking us.
“You must have a very tight bond. Though, admittedly, that only seems apparent of late.”
“We’ve had some issues to work through.”
“I can understand that. When Duncan went to prison, I vowed to myself that I would never let another man hurt me the way he did.”
“Hurt you?”
“Emotionally. He broke my heart. It’s not a story I wish to get into, but I’m not stupid or blind, Pen. I see how you are with them. They hurt you too, didn’t they?”
“Don’t presume to know our relationship,” I retort, feeling prickly.
She smiles softly. “I wouldn’t dare. I guess what I’m saying is Iunderstandthe position you’re in. When Duncan came out of prison and turned up on my doorstep, cap in hand, everything came flooding back. All those old emotions of love and lust that I’d felt for him before suddenly came hurtling back. I fought against them. God knows I tried. I didn’t want to love him still...”
“You regret taking him back?”
Madame Tuillard shakes her head. “No, I don’t regret it, but I’ll never quite let him in the way I did before. Six months into our newly formed relationship, Duncan told me about this plan. He asked to use the Academy as a place for the shipment of drugs to be delivered to. Honestly, I felt used. It wasn’t a good moment.”
“But you’re still with him…?”
“Ultimately, I chose to trust inus,” she says with a rueful smile and a shrug of her shoulders.
“Was it the right decision? Trusting him, I mean.”
“I guess only time will tell, but I want you to know that my focusison the pupils at this academy first and foremost, even if that might not seem that way right now. I haven’t made this decision lightly and honestly, Pen, I feel sick knowing that those drugs will pass through these doors, but ItrustDuncan. He’s made some poor choices in his life that I know he regrets. This is him trying to set things straight. To make amends. I have to believe in that, believe in him.”
I nod, not answering because I’m not so sure about D-Neath. Granted, we’ve barely spoken more than a few words to each other, but there’s a vibe about him that makes me wary. I don’t know. Xeno said that he’s proved himself loyal, but I’m reserving judgement for now.
“I don’t mean to be rude, Madame Tuillard, and I apologise if I come across that way, but is there a point to this conversation?” I ask, feeling more and more uncomfortable as the minutes pass. I just want to get back to lessons. It’s been hard enough getting my head around all this shit, and I respect Madame Tuillard for what she’s done in her life, but I just want to get back to some form of normalcy, if only for a little while. She’s the principal of this school, not my friend.
“I always love it when someone starts off a sentence that way, because we all know it’s a prelude to being just that, rude.” She grins then, leaning her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her crossed fingers. “That fight you have will put you in good stead for the challenges you’re going to face in the future, both within a career in dance and in your personal life. I guess I just wanted you to know that we’re in this together. That Iseeyou, and I appreciate what you’re going through right now. You’re gifted, Pen. I would hate for your future to be ruined because you’ve been caught up in this. Just know when it’s time to walk away, okay? That’s my advice, for what it’s worth.”
Ah, there it is. A life lesson wrapped up in a compliment. For some reason that gets my hackles up. Funny how I can take advice from Grim, but not Madame Tuillard. I’m sure that says more about me than the woman sitting before me. “That’s never going to happen.”
