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Dax shakes his head. “No. Zayn will fight. He’ll win, and we’ll be here for him when he does. That’s how we get through. That’s how we’ve always gotten through.”
Xeno’s phone rings then and he takes the call, striding off to the kitchen area for a little privacy.
“I hate this.”
Dax opens his arms to me, and I crawl into his lap, finding comfort in the sheer size of him as he envelops me in his hold. “If I could somehow protect you from this I would, but I can’t, Kid. I can’t. This is our reality right now.”
Xeno ends his call a minute later and grabs his coat. “I’ve asked York to come home. I’ll meet Zayn at Rocks. Jeb doesn’t give a fuck who tags along and I’d rather it was me. York should be here with you, Tiny. You’ll need him.”
Honestly, I don’t understand what he means by that. I needallof them, not just one or the other. Unwinding myself from Dax’s arms I get up and approach Xeno. He’s holding himself stiffly and I see how he’s shutting down, mentally preparing himself for what’s to come. “Are you okay?” I ask. It’s a stupid question because of course he isn’t. None of us are.
“I can go,” Dax cuts in, seeing how worried I am about Xeno.
“No. York’s on his way back here now. I want you both to stay with Tiny.I’vegot this.”
“Xeno, man. I can deal. You know that. It doesn’t always have to be you.” Dax gets up from the floor and claps his hand on Xeno’s shoulder.
“Your place is here with Tiny. I need you here with her.”
Dax sighs. “Xeno…”
“No!” he says firmly. “I’ve got this.” Pulling on his jacket, Xeno fires off another quick text. As the seconds pass his whole demeanor changes and the softer, more vulnerable Xeno I’ve seen glimpses of over the last week or so disappears before my eyes. “Don’t expect us back before dawn.”
“I’ll look after Kid until you return.” Dax squeezes Xeno’s shoulder before giving us both a moment as he tidies up the pizza boxes, carrying them into the kitchen.
“This is what you do, isn’t it?” I ask quietly when Dax is out of earshot. I rest my hands on Xeno’s chest, needing to feel the thump of his heart, needing to know that he’s still human and not this cold, distant person he’s turning into now.
“Do?” he asks, canting his head, his curls falling across his forehead.
I reach up and push them back. “Take everything on.”
“If I were doing that then I’d be killing that guy for Zayn. This time I can’t.”
“This time?” I whisper, my fingers brushing over the stubble of his chin.
“I kill so they don’t have to.” Xeno’s expression is blank, his eyes a void. It scares me, the numbness I see.
“Xeno…” My voice breaks and I swallow hard. I fuckinghatethis. I hate what they’ve had to do, what they’ve become. It’s a physical pain that tears me up inside.
“Don’t, Tiny. We chose this life, and wehaveto do this. I need you to be that girl who can face any damn thing and survive it. Just be here when we get home. Be here and be strong. He’s going to need you.”
Cupping my face in his hands, Xeno brushes his lips against my own. I can sense him pulling away and I curl my hands around his wrists, clinging on to him. “I’ll be here. I’ll be strong,” I promise him.
“I’m counting on it,” he replies, pressing the most heartfelt kiss against my lips. It’s a kiss that’s different to those we’ve shared before, and I suddenly feel the need to hold him in my arms and never let go. Of course, we can’t always get what we want.
“I have to go.”
“Be safe,” I whisper against his lips, releasing him. “Bring Zayn home in one piece.”
He nods, then leaves.
