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She nods.Yes, I do.
“I don’t understand why. They’ve hurt people, hurt me. They’ve imprisoned me. I’mNothingto them,” I say, emphasising the word. “I’m less than nothing. How can you be okay with that? With what happens here.”
Thirteen shakes her head, then picks up the pencil and pad, finding a free page to write on.You don’t understand. It’s not that simple.
I scoff, shaking my head. “It seems simple to me. They’remonsters. Unbearably cruel.”
Thirteen’s fingers wrap around the pencil tightly, her scribbled words dark against the page in her need to get her point across quickly.No! You don’t see what you’ve been shown.
She underlines the last word over and over again and my skin prickles. What does she know? Her eyes meet mine and my stomach lurches. “What are you saying?” I ask.
You have a gift, like me,she writes.
“No,” I reply, shaking my head, refusing to acknowledge what she appears to understand. She couldn’t possibly know about that.
Yes,she insists, scribbling furiously.You are different from the other Numbers, to me, even. You’re important, but you’re fighting your true purpose. Don’t. When we fight what we are, who we belong to, there is only pain and anguish. I should know.
“Isthatwhy you’re here?” I ask, taking the opening she’s given me and diving right in. I avoid everything else. How could she possibly know about me and what I’m capable of? The truth is she couldn’t and that makes me distrust this conversation. If she can be evasive, then so can I.
I’m here because I want to be here. Because I had a purpose. I’m staying because I can’t go back to where I was.
“How could you want to be here? How can you sit back and watch the Numbers live a life of enslavement, entrapment? How can you allow any of this to happen? You could stop this. You could help us escape.”
Thirteen presses her eyes shut and pinches her nose. She’s pissed off, exasperated. Well, that makes two of us.
The Numbers want to be here.
“No!” I shout.
Yes!She scrawls furiously.
“They’ve been brainwashed!”
Thirteen shakes her head.Every single one of the Numbers wants to be here. You don’t understand everything. You don’t know everything.
“I understand that The Masks are sick, perverted bastards! I understand they inflict pain, manipulate, and imprison. Look at Twelve, for crying out loud. Look at what they’ve done to me since I’ve been here.They’ve tortured and debased. They’ve shackled me to The Weeping Tree, whipped me for speaking my mind, they’ve cut me open and jacked off covered in my blood. They’ve stolen my orgasms. They’ve punished Twelve because she broke one of their rules just to get their attention because she’s in love with the bastards. Don’t tell me that I don’t understand!”
Curling her fist, she bashes the worktop. It’s the first time I’ve seen her lose her temper, and the flash of anger in her eyes reminds me of my own tempered rage. She’s not as serene as she presents herself to be.
Did you know that all of the Numbers were sold by their family? Their own flesh and blood didn’t want them, she scribbles furiously, her hand flying over the paper.
“And clearly The Collector took advantage of that fact. Rather than setting them free, he passed them off to his sons to degrade and coerce, training their bodies and minds to accept their life here. To becomesexslaves. Don’t try to tell me that what they have here is any better than a family who doesn’t care for them, because it’s not! They could have been given freedom as the alternative to a shitty home life, not more enslavement!”
Every number wishes to stay. You can ask them and they will all tell you the same thing. Not everything is as straightforward as you believe it to be. Within these walls the Numbers are safe. The Masks protect them. They give them freedom to be who they truly are. Not everyone gets that. There are more walls and chains and prisons where you come from than there are in this castle.
“Bullshit,” I grind out. “My family is beyond the boundaries of this estate. They’regoodpeople. They love and care for me.”
Thirteen’s nostrils flare.If that were true, where are they now?
“Trying to get to me!” I shout, tears pricking my eyes as I grit my teeth and turn my back on Thirteen, striding across the room towards the window. I stare out at the vast expanse of land that stretches on for miles and miles, making me feel even more trapped, not less.
A moment or so later, I sense Thirteen behind me, but I don’t turn around to face her. I’m angry, disappointed. I thought I’d found a friend, maybe even an ally, but despite her kindness and empathy she’s on The Masks’ side. She’s bound to them in ways I don’t understand and it stops her from seeing the truth of this place and the darkness of their souls.
“I don’t want to talk to you. Leave me alone,” I say heavily. “You’re no better than they are.”
She reaches for me, urging me to face her. I refuse, and so, with a gentle sigh, she places an envelope in my hand then leaves the room. I wait until I hear the door click shut behind her before opening it up.
