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I can’t. Look at yourself. Look at what you’ve become.
I’m a Mask. I’m Jakub-fucking-Brov.
You’re your father’s son, but you don’t have to be.
“I want to be.”
You don’t.
Fisting my hands I headtowards the nearest tree, yank at a low-hanging branch and rip it away from the trunk, then I hit myself across the thigh as hard as I can with it.
The pain registers, but it’s not enough.
You remembered Star. You told her about Star. That means something.
“Zamknij sie! SHUT UP!” I shout, hitting myself again and again, not caring that I’m running low on reserves, that I’m a step away from passing the fuck out. I don’t care so long as it sets me free from this voice, from these feelings I don’t want or need.
He killed Star and he beat you.
My throat tightens at the memory of that day when my father shot Star in front of me. Tears burn the back of my eyes but I refuse to feel the pain.
She was just a dog. She wasnothing.
She was everything.
“Nie! No!”
I hit myself again.
He hurt you, but you don’t want to hurt her, do you?
I hit myself harder, dropping to my knees from the force, panting. My chest heaves, my face is wet with tears as I let go of the branch. “I don’t give a fuck about her!” I shout, bashing my fist against the tree trunk over and over again, not caring that my fists become torn and bloody.
You’re lying. You want her.
I push the top of my head against the rough bark of the trunk and press my eyes shut, drawing in deep breaths, trying to temper the raging emotions within me. It’s been almost two whole days since I came into the forest and it’s never taken me this long to get my feelings under control.
Never.
I need to figure out how to stop this. I haven’t become the man I am today so that a woman like her can bring me to my goddamn knees. My watch vibrates again, reminding me that my time is up. I have business to attend to. I have to go.
But first…
Opening my eyes, I stare at my cock. It’s thick and hard, and like the rest of me covered in mud.
I’ve been hard since I fucking left her with Thirteen.
Hard. Engorged. In fucking pain.
I’ve leaked pre-cum every time I’ve imagined the taste of her pussy. My cock jerks, and my balls tingle as I remember how her birthmark darkened in shame when she had sucked me off.
You want her,my inner voice reminds me.
“Yes, I want her,” I hiss, fisting my cock roughly. “Of course I want her! She’s a piece of ass. Nothing more.”
A piece of ass you actually want to fuck.
“Shut the fuck up!”
