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Grabbing her suitcase from the back, I walk around and meet her at the front of the car. Her eyes are cast down at the ground, and all I want to do is tip her chin upward, and tell her everything is going to be okay. But is it really? Will it all be okay? The reality is nothing has been okay for a really long time. Not for me, and apparently not for her either.
“Come on. I’ll make us some dinner. You can take a shower and then we’ll talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Lily kicks at the pavement.
“There’s plenty, now get inside.” I don’t know what compels me to do it, but I grab her hand and start walking toward the front door. Strangely, she follows, either because she doesn’t want to lose my grip, or she decides there’s no point in fighting me on it. Pulling my keys out, I unlock the door and shove it open.
I walk her to the couch and make her sit. Her face is almost stoic like she is trying to hide her emotions from me. When I let go of her hand, my own feels empty and cold.
“I’m gonna make some food. Just relax, unless you want to take a shower. You are more than welcome to. It’s that’s way,” I say pointing down the hallway. “Clean towels are in the cabinet next to the sink. I’ll be right back,” I tell her, before heading into the kitchen. I decide on frozen pizza, and while that’s baking in the oven, I cut up some veggies and toss a salad.
The entire time I’m cooking, I try to figure out how I’m going to talk to her, and what exactly I’m going to tell her, but come up empty. By the time I’m carrying two plates to the living room, I’m no closer to a solution than I was twenty minutes ago.
It looks like she hasn’t moved an inch, she’s still sitting in the exact spot she was when I left. Handing her the plate, I take the seat next to her, being careful to leave enough space between us, so our thighs don’t touch. We both start eating, and I am more than glad she eats vigorously without needing to be prompted. She needs to eat, and not just because she’s been drinking, no, she’s so thin and could probably use some hearty meals here and there.
Finishing first, I set my plate on the table in front of me and lean back on the cushions. Lily does the same with her plate but remains sitting in the same position she’s been in since she got here.
“What happened?” I ask.
“It’s nothing that you can fix. I let everything get the best of me. I’m homeless with no job, nothing.” Before I can say anything, she buries her face in her hands. She’s falling apart, and I need to be the glue that keeps her together.
Inching closer, I say, “You’re not homeless, and you’re not alone. Maybe I can’t fix it, maybe I can. I don’t know because you won’t tell me.”
“The dorm has a no drinking policy. I was caught with wine twice now, this time was after being issued with a warning.”
Fuck. “Shit, Lily… I don’t really deal with the housing people. I’m not sure if I can fix that.” They’ve already given her a warning, what more can they do? If they let her back in, it’s going to look bad for the university, and if I stick up for her, it’s going to look bad for my image. Zero policy is zero policy.
“I told you, you can’t fix it.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t help you though. We’ll find another place for you to stay.” I try and soothe her with my voice. Yes, she made a mistake, but this is college. Who the hell isn’t drinking in those dorms?
“My scholarship doesn’t pay for anything besides the dorm, and I can’t afford anything on my own. If my grades suffer, I lose the scholarship. I shouldn’t have to choose between an education and a roof over my head.” She sniffles, “Stupid wine and stupid bullies.”
“What do you mean bullies?”
“Nothing… girls being girls. She thinks I was hitting on her boyfriend… called me out on it in front of her friend. It was really not worth getting upset about, but on top of everything else, it just got to me.”
“We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it right now. In the meantime, you can stay here.”
She looks at me like she is trying to figure me out before she asks, “Are you sure?”
“Positive,” I answer without batting an eye. I know this is wrong, but I’m not going to let her stay at that motel.
She gives me a smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, those are still filled with sadness. She breaks her gaze away and lowers her head.
