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“Sandy you saidpiss!” Christy says, the shock on her face telling me that Sandy really doesn’t swear all that often, if at all. I don’t think I’ve ever met two people who are genuinely as nice or as straight up as this couple. I’m not surprised Kate felt comfortable enough to leave her sister in their care. They’re good people, anyone can see that, even a jaded fucker like me.
“Even the most conscientious person can slip up from time to time,” Kate says, smiling warmly at Sandy who’s acting like she’s just killed a kitten and not uttered a swear word. Poor woman looks devastated.
“To be fair, as swear words go,” I say, giving the old lady’s hand a squeeze, “Piss is about as offensive as one of those YouTube videos of a dog on a skateboard.”
“Well, when you put it like that…” Sandy says, chewing on a smile as her chest and neck flush pink. Either the old dear has got a hormonal problem or she’s got the hots for me. What am I saying?Of courseshe’s got the hots for me.
“See, the word piss is perfectly okay to use, isn’t that right,stud-muffin?” Christy asks, immediately bursting into a fit of giggles at the look of shock on both mine and Kate’s face.
I mean I’m all for them bonding after not knowing about each other for twelve years, but Kate telling her kid sister the pet names we have for each is going a bit far, surely?
“Jesus, Christy,” Kate mumbles, her cheeks heating.
Even Frank and Sandy look like they’ve got secondhand embarrassment as they sip their tea and grimace behind their mugs. Although, to be fair, Frank looks more amused than embarrassed.
“What? It just slipped out.” Christy chuckles.
“Well, I can confirm that I am indeed astud-muffin. Did you know that we’re actually a dying breed? There ain’t many of us left. So consider this a rarity.”
“Roger!” Kate exclaims, but I just wink at her and continue.
“I mean there are very few men in the world who can turn leftover horse meat into a light and fluffy muffin. It’s a refined skill. Takes several years to master, I’ll have you know,” I say, making a joke out of the whole situation.
“That isnotwhat stud-muffin means! I’m not an idiot.”
“Maybe not kid,” I say with a wink, “But I still stand by what I said. There really aren’t many stud-muffins about. Frank should know, given he’s clearly part of the elite group too. Ain’t that right, Sandy?”
Christy snorts with laughter, setting off Frank and Sandy, and finally Kate. I follow shortly after, their mirth catching. Laughing like this is fucking cathartic and definitely needed. It’s been way too stressful today.
“You're actually really funny,” Christy eventually admits, her laughter giving way to seriousness as she stares at me with those peculiar eyes. “But you know, you can’t lie to me. I’m good at seeing the truth.”
“Is that so?” I say, loving her sass.
“Yep. I mean Kate didn’t actually tell me anything about you being her stud-muffin,” she says, stuffing a piece of chocolate cake into her mouth.
“Oh, Christ,” Kate mutters.
“What, are you a mind reader or something?” I joke, my smile dropping when Kate pulls a face and Christy shrugs.
“Not a mind reader exactly,” Christy retorts, taking a sip of her lemonade, eying me carefully.
Kate rests her hands on Christy’s arm. “Not now, okay? We’ve got other things to talk about.”
“What? Like why you turned up here today out of the blue?”
“Yeah, exactly.” Kate nods.
“Hold on a second,” I say, holding my hands up. “Can we just backtrack a little bit—”
“I tell you what, why don’t you get out of your costume and into something a bit more comfy,” Sandy intervenes. “You’ve been wearing it most of the day, love. All that scratchy material must be irritating your skin.”
Christy frowns.“It’s totally cool, youcantell him about me. I’m not embarrassed.”
“Tell me about what?” I ask, fucking lost.
“And we’re not embarrassed either,” Frank says, lovingly. “But we’d really appreciate a moment to talk about why Kate and Roger are here today.”
“Sure. Go ahead,” she shrugs, still not moving.
