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“What’s up?” he asked, sitting down on the wooden bench in front of the house. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
“Yeah… I-I’m fine. I just… I just… I just…” Amelia stuttered her words and began crying, sniffing though her nostrils and trying to keep herself from completely breaking down.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Alistair pulled Amelia in closer to him, her head leaning against his chiseled chest. She could smell the old spice and vanilla cologne that she’d been so used to and so in love with during their time together, and it only brought back memories of how happy she’d been with him. “Whatever it is, I’m here, okay? I’m here. Just let it all out.”
“I’m in love with you!” Amelia suddenly shouted. Luckily, no one else was around in that moment, and the chatter inside the home was too loud for anyone to pick up anything.
“What?”
“There, I said it! I’m in love with you, Alistair. And I’m sorry it took me this long to figure it out. And I’m especially sorry for pushing you away and running off during our last date. But I’ve tried not thinking about you. I’ve tried going back to my old life. I’ve even tried distractions, many of which I don’t even wanna tell you. But Alistair, you’ve treated me like no one else ever had. You see me, and you’re there for me no matter how much I fuck up.” Amelia took a deep breath and wiped away her tears. “Aunt Evelyne was right, and it sucks that she’s no longer here to see her wish come true. But I love you, Alistair. You reallyarethe perfect match for me.”
“Amelia, I—” Alistair began.
“You don’t have to say anything now,” she interrupted him. “I just needed to get it out there. I needed you to know before it’s too late.” She put a finger up to his lips, but he gently pushed it away.
“Amelia, I do like you. And for a while, I thought it was love that I felt, too. But watching you push me away, rejecting me, and then now this complete change, it’s making me feel a little cautious. You remind me a lot of my ex. Beautiful, fun, but also impulsive. I fear that you don’t know what you want. And I fear that one day, you’re either going to just walk away or get yourself into an accident that you can’t recover from.”
“W-What are you saying, Alistair?” Amelia’s voice trembled as she spoke, and even though she asked, she knew where the conversation was headed.
“I think you need to figure out what it is you really want before anything can happen between us. I care about you, Amelia, and I only want what’s best for you. You’ll never be happy in a relationship if you don’t know what it is you’re seeking.” He leaned over and kissed her on her left cheek. “We should head back inside.”
***
OVER THE NEXT FEW days, Amelia found herself fighting with her own thoughts. She thought she wanted Alistair. In fact, she was so sure of it. But then again, she also said the same about David and Lucas. Maybe she wanted all of them. Or maybe she wanted none. But either way, she didn’t know where to begin finding her answer.
She was back on campus, and only a month away from the realization that she’d be locked up in school all summer for failing while the rest of her classmates got to go on vacation. Things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
“How’d it go with Alistair?” Melody asked, taking a sip of her smoothie.
The spring afternoon was cozy and warm, but even the fresh air wasn’t enough to snap Amelia out of her slump.
“Not so great,” she answered, tossing a bread crumb over to a pack of pigeons and watching them fight over it. “He doesn’t want me.”
“You’re kidding! I thought he really liked you!”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. But when I told him how I felt, when I told him that I love him, he rejected me.”
Melody shook her head. “Wow, I can’t believe what I’m hearing. What an ass!”
“No,” Amelia corrected her. “He’s not the ass. I am. He only rejected me because he said I was being unfair to myself, letting myself get into a relationship without really knowing what I wanted.”
“Well, is he right? Do you know what you want?”
“I want him. God, Mel, I just can’t stop thinking about him, dreaming about him. How do I get him back?”
“Simple, Lia, you gotta just tell him, straight from the heart. If Alistair sounds like the man that you’ve made him out to be, I’m sure he’ll understand.” She checked her phone. “Listen, I have to get going. Kyle’s coming over, and we’re going out to dinner.”
“Have fun,” Amelia mumbled. And when Melody left, she pulled out her phone and dialed Alistair’s number.
The ring tone was deafening when, even after the sixth try, there was no answer. She tried again, and again, and again, only to be met with that same god-awful, gut-wrenching tone.
“I lost him. I had him, the perfect man, right at the tips of my fingers, and I just pushed him away. And now, now I’m never getting him back. I deserve it,” she whispered to herself and slowly trudged back to her dorm.
But when she arrived back at her building, she saw him, none other than Alistair himself!
“W-W-What are you doing here?” Amelia stuttered in surprise. “I-I tried calling you.”
Alistair smiled, that same charming grin that had Amelia swooning the first time she saw it. “I know, and I’m sorry for not picking up. I wanted to surprise you.”
