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Ella
Lucas has broken me all over again. His story is so devastating, and now I know why he is the way he is. I’m not sure I understand it, but I have to accept it.
As we walk from the room, it’s with a new understanding. For now, we have each other. A kind of fucked up relationship that only two lost souls can be in. Both of us protecting our hearts from what life can throw at them and doing it with the best intentions but all the wrong reasons.
Lucas made love to me as soon as we returned to his bedroom. I’m in no doubt about that. It wasn’t sex. It was gentle, loving and filled with emotion. He treated me like the finest porcelain china and despite the raw burn on my ass, he calmed the pain by driving me to ecstasy over and over again.
We left our conversation in that room and I know it’s a place that will become familiar to us. There we can unleash the parts of us we don’t want exposed in the light. A place to heal and bleed the pain. Relieve the pressure with a like-minded soul. I will submit to his wishes in that room, but nowhere else. It will be a game, a way of life and a destiny, but it will be temporary. I know that now because I need to protect my heart and if Lucas won’t give me his, then I need to walk away—just not yet. One baby step at a time, that’s how it will be because I can’t bear the thought of that day ever happening. I need him to drive that change because the thought of breaking his heart doesn’t sit well with me.
The next few days are ones of adjustment. True to his word, Lucas moves my business into a room in his cavernous apartment. While he works, I work with only Tom for company when he brings me meals and Lucas when he returns from work looking as if the world is about to end. I know he’s worried, something in his business is not going well, but he never speaks of it and I don’t ask. We use each other to escape to a happy place and only the conversations I have with mom and Hannah keep me grounded and remind me of normal life outside the gold-lined bubble I’m sitting in.
I don’t tell them of Lucas, just that I’ve met someone and we’re having fun. Nothing more, no deep love, just fun. Just telling them that feels wrong. As if I’m denying him somehow, but I’m building a shell around my heart for my own self-protection.
The phone rings as I’m finishing up and my heart lifts when I see Hannah’s name flashing on the phone that Lucas arranged for me.
“Hey, how are things?”
“All’s well. I had a check-up yesterday, and the doctor is pleased with my progress.”
“That’s so good, honey, you’re doing so well.”
I always feel relief accompany her words because I live in fear of a different voice on the end of that line and a different conversation replacing it as they tell me Hannah’s heart never survived.
“So, Ella, I was wondering…”
“What?”I smile into the phone because Hannah sounds so happy, it’s infectious.
“Well, Evan wants to take me to a cabin in the mountains to recuperate now I can travel. It would be so good if you could come too. Maybe we could catch up, you know, spend some time together.”
I feel a little surprised and say carefully, “That’s not much fun for Evan, I’m sure he wanted you to himself.”
There’s an awkward pause and then she says quickly, “Well, he would, um, have Harvey to go fishing with and do men’s things.”
“Harvey who?”
My heart sinks as I sense I’m being set up and Hannah laughs nervously.
“Look, hear me out. Harvey is a really nice guy. He’s a dentist, so great potential. He met Evan at high school and they’ve been friends ever since. Now, I know he’s not your usual type, a good solid person with a respectable job, but quite honestly, you could do a lot worse than him and someone like you would bring him out of his shell a little. I know you would be good together, so what do you say, a few days away with me and potentially the man of your future?”
I feel so conflicted. How can I go, how can I not go? I want to see my sister; I need to see her and it would be good to spend a few days with her, but this Harvey sounds dull as anything. I can already tell that by the tone of Hannah’s voice.
“But, Hannah, I told you I’m kind of seeing someone.”
“Yes, but you also said it wasn’t serious. Come on, honey, live a little, take a bit of time out to meet someone your sister approves of. I know you and this guy is probably a heartbreaker. Some flash guy who has turned your head and promised you the world, only to break it off and do the same to someone else a few weeks from now.”
The most annoying thing about having a sister is that she knows me so well and I know she’s right. Lucas is that guy, but I’m not done with him yet and that’s why I can’t possibly go with her.
Deciding to let her down gently, I say evenly, “I’ll think about it, no promises, mind.”
She squeals so hard, I hold the phone away from my ear and I laugh softly.
“Anyway, I should go.”I hear a door slam and she says quickly, “That’s Evan I’ll tell him the good news.”
She hangs up before I can object and as I cut the call, I hear “What will you think about?”
Lucas is leaning on the door jamb watching me and I laugh self-consciously.
“Hannah wants me to join her and Evan on a mountain break.”
