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Ella
Adam seems to be in purgatory and says with a groan, “I’m sorry, Ella.”
“It’s fine, Lucas is a big boy and he can look after himself. You have a lovely home by the way.”
“Thank you.”
He smiles, and it strikes me how handsome Adam is. I’m sure that the two of them could have anything they want in life, and I’m surprised he settled down with Penelope.
As he hands me a glass of champagne, I say with interest, “Lucas tells me you’ve been married for six months, you must be very happy how things turned out.”
“I am.” He smiles but I can tell he’s lying because if that’s the look marriage gives you, I’m staying single—forever.
We stand on the edge of the group crowding around Lucas and Adam sighs. “He must be hating every minute of this. Penelope promised she wouldn’t throw him to the dogs and she did it as soon as he arrived.”
I laugh to myself when I catch sight of his anguished expression as a bottle blonde lays her hand on his arm and gazes up at him adoringly.
“Why is she so keen to show him off like that? Surely, she doesn’t need anything more than what she has already. I mean, you have it all, Adam, if you don’t mind me saying so. The house, the lifestyle, contacts and surely that’s enough to ensure your status among this crowd.”
He smiles, but I’m surprised to see the bitterness in his eyes. “But it’s not enough—for Penelope, that is, and I’m kidding myself if I think it is. You see, I never saw it before we married, but Penelope is a power-hungry wannabee. She engineers situations that make her powerful and has been begging me to set this one up for months.
“But why?”
“Because Lucas is the most eligible bachelor probably in the world right now and these women would do anything to land the prize. Sometimes I think that’s the reason Penelope married me in the first place, to secure her position in his social group, ensure she’s always here by default rather than marriage.”
“That’s kind of sad.” I shake my head and he nods. “You’re telling me. Then again, I’m used to it and I have been for some time. Lucas and me, well, we’re like brothers. We’ve always worked hard and partied harder, and it was always him. The one the woman wanted, and I was the consolation prize. It bothered me at first, but I soon shrugged it off and enjoyed the benefits it brought me.”
“But you’re an attractive man, you could have your pick whether you’re by Lucas’s side or not. Don’t put yourself down.”
“I can see why Lucas likes you so much, Ella, you are very complimentary.”
“Only when it’s deserved.” I take a sip of champagne and watch the circus in front of my eyes.
“Maybe we should rescue him.” Adam sounds concerned and I giggle. “No, let’s make him suffer, he’s got to learn how to deal with hostile situations. After all, he has life spoon fed to him most of the time. It will do him good to feel a little pain from time to time.”
“Yes, well, from what I remember, he prefers to dish out pain rather than receive it. He must be in hell right now.”
Wondering if Adam knows about the pain Lucas loves to give me, makes me feel a little hot and I clear my throat. “Anyway, can you point me in the direction of the rest room? I really should freshen up.”
The heat and the fact that Lucas has made quite a mess in my underwear makes me anxious to clean up and Adam nods. “Of course, let me show you the way.”
As we head inside, I take in all the details of a place that has been designed by the best. It’s certainly impressive with its marble floor and elegant regency furniture. It looks a little ostentatious and not really homey and I say politely, “You have a lovely home.”
Adam groans. “Not really, it may look like it is, but it’s hardly a home, more like a showpiece.”
“Don’t you like it then?”
“I prefer my apartment at the casino, it’s more my style.”
“So, you don’t actually live here then?”
“Penelope does.” I stare at him in shock and he shrugs. “I work so hard to pay for this lifestyle it made sense to stay at my apartment during the week and return here on weekends. Sometimes, Penelope comes to stay with me during the week but more often organizes her social calendar around me working. That’s why occasions like this are special, it’s what we do as a couple and so because I neglect her most of the time, I’m keen to indulge her a little when I am here.”
“But you are newlyweds, surely any time apart is hell.”
“Not really.” Adam looks a little sad and I know immediately he’s regretting his marriage. There’s no love here and I feel sad for him. Maybe this is what the rich do, marry for position, a place in society that ticks all the boxes. Maybe I’m kidding myself that I will fit in with this world, I’m a nobody, after all. Lucas could marry the best, the one who would be accepted and belong in his world. Suddenly, I feel sick as I think about how much I’m refusing to see the truth. I’m kidding myself if I think this will ever work and Adam has inadvertently reminded me of something I think has always been at the back of my mind—I’m just not good enough and I never will be.
* * *
He leavesme to freshen up and as I step inside a beautiful bathroom, I look at the slightly disheveled woman staring back at me through the mirror. Who is this girl? She’s a nobody; a copycat pretending she’s good enough.
I have never felt so low in my life, so insignificant and as if I don’t measure up. I may be dressed like the rest of them courtesy of Dixie and Tom, but I don’t really fit in. Lucas may think he wants me now, but he never promised me anything other than sex and more fun that a girl can stand. He’s already told me he won’t ever give me his heart, and I was the fool who thought differently.
Now I see what the likes of Penelope see when they look at me. I see someone pretending she is better than she is, daring to imagine she is on an equal footing with the rest of them. I’m a fool and as the tears blind me, I decide to hide out until this is over and then when we leave, I need to consider my options because I don’t want to feel like this, to feel unworthy. I’m better than that, so with a sigh, I splash some water on my face and wash away the evidence of Lucas inside my panties, feeling like some kind of cheap whore he has used for his own amusement.
One last look in the mirror reminds me what an idiot looks like, and I head back outside to get this over with as quickly as possible.
As I close the door softly behind me, I hear, “There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
