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Dexter
Ilost it. The control that I pride myself on deserted me in seconds when she used my past mistake against me. I couldn’t control the beast that lies within me, mainly dormant, but pounced as soon as she rattled his cage. I wanted to kill her, but above all I wanted to fuck her into submission. She doesn’t get to talk back to me, nobody does, and it’s that part of me I struggle to control. It’s why I pay women for sex. They don’t challenge me; they don’t want to get inside my head and they don’t answer back. Then Holly arrived and doesn’t appear to have read the instructions on the box. I saw red and proved to myself I need help and fast.
I’m ashamed that I left her in a crumpled heap on the floor with harsh words ringing in her ears. This isn’t me. I’m not an animal who treats women like trash, but she prodded a memory I haven’t come to terms with yet.
I head straight to my den to wait for her to show and I wouldn’t blame her if she tried to escape. How can anyone think what just happened is ok? She will hate me and deservedly so.
Pouring myself a stiff whiskey as soon as I slam the door shut, I stare broodingly out of the window, wondering when I turned into the person I have been for some time now.
I’ve always been a dominant even before events spiraled out of control, but somehow my humanity was lost in the aftermath of what happened when I broke my own rules.
As I sit pondering a past that hasn’t been left behind, I try so hard to get it under control.
It must be onlythirty minutes later that a gentle tap on the door breaks my concentration and as the door opens, I see the woman herself venture timidly inside.
She looks down at the ground and appears to be loathing every minute of this, and I hate that I’ve already chipped away a little of her strength.
“Sit down.”
My voice is curt and dead to my own ears and she nods before taking the chair before me and looking down, her hands trembling in her lap as she struggles to breathe the same air as me.
Pouring her a glass of the hard stuff, I slide it across the desk and say abruptly, “You may need this. It will help.”
She winces as she moves and I know she is feeling the burn of my anger on her ass and I breathe out with a mixture of satisfaction and anger at myself. I hurt her and in doing so I hurt myself because I use pain to give pleasure and I kind of forgot the pleasure part in my anger.
“So, your job, maybe we should run through a few things before we start.”
She looks up in surprise. “I still have one then.”
“Of course, nothing has changed I’m a man of my word.”
“But how…”
“You think what happened back there changes things?”
She nods miserably.
“Not on my side, although you may think differently now. What’s it to be, Holly, push aside your feelings and grab this once in a lifetime opportunity, or turn and walk away because you can’t deal with what just happened?”
I watch with interest as she appears to be struggling with her own demons. Of course she wants this position. She doesn’t have much of a choice, really. She was fired for misconduct and any reference she seeks would assure she never gets any job she applies for, anyway. She’s finished in journalism and she knows it, yet what I just did doesn’t sit well with her. Hell, it doesn’t sit well with me either and I wonder if she can push her hatred aside and rise above it because if she wants to succeed in this business, she will need to develop that particular skill as a matter of priority.
She exhales sharply and looks me directly in the eye with a look of pure hatred and I resist a smile breaking out because there she is, the woman that caught my interest the moment she called me sir.
“I have no choice and you know it.”
“That’s true, but in life we all have choices determined by what we want the most. Nobody is forcing you to take this job, Holly. You are a free woman and can make your own decisions.”
I’m surprised when she laughs harshly. “So I’m free now, then why doesn’t it look like that from where I’m sitting?”
I raise my glass to her and laugh softly. “Agreed. You make a fair point, but you will be free. When we locate your stepbrother and discover what he’s up to, you will be free to carry on with your life. Until then, you can make use of the situation you have fallen into and learn a valuable lesson.”
“From you.” She raises her eyes and I nod.
“Yes, from me. It’s just up to you how far you want to go with what I can teach you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She speaks with words outlined in steel and I physically ache to break her down; to see her look at me with desire and crave what I can give her. Images of her on her knees waiting for instruction fill my mind and just the thought of her naked is doing strange things to my reasoning. For some reason, I want the whole of her. Her body, her mind and her submission because I want to play with this shiny new toy and teach her just how amazing life can be when it’s controlled by someone with your best interests at heart. It shocks me that she’s the one. I wasn’t even aware I was searching for her until that word struck me deep in the soul.
