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Jason laughs. “He’s impatient to please you. Nothing compares to a ride from his master, he only fully opens up to you.”
Thinking about the way I indulge my horse makes me happy. He has everything he needs and my undivided attention when I’m here. I treat him well and he rewards me with devotion. Do I love my horse, you bet I do and yet how is that the same? He’s an animal. They have different expectations?
Jason is watching me, and I know he’s concerned. Normally when I’m here, I spend most of my time with the couple I prefer above anyone else, except for Sam, who is like a brother to me.
But Holly, there’s something different about her I just can’t put my finger on and as we turn the heads of our horses and give them free rein, I’m in a different mind when I return than when I left.
I wasteno time and set off to find her and as I turn the key in the lock, I feel ashamed that I felt the need to keep her imprisoned. The signals I am sending out are mixed and I need to remedy that before we can continue.
She looks up as I enter and I note the dark shadows under her eyes and the weary look she throws my way. Realizing how badly she needs some fresh air, I feel bad that I have enjoyed something she is desperate to receive.
Crouching down beside her, I look at the article she has been working on and say softly, “How’s it going?”
“I’m just finishing off.”
She suppresses a yawn and I take her hand and pull her up and into my chest, and then leaning down I whisper, “I’m sorry.”
She says nothing but stiffens a little, indicating her surprise and I sigh, stroking her hair much like I just did to Saracen.
“You don’t deserve this treatment. I’m playing hot and cold with your emotions and that’s not ok.”
She still says nothing and I feel like an inconsiderate bastard and hate how I must look in her eyes, so kissing the top of her head lightly, I whisper, “Enough work for one day. Go and shower and change for dinner. I need to look after you.”
She pulls back and looks confused, and I kiss her gently on the lips. “Let me make it up to you.”
I hate that she’s even considering her options right now because I see the doubt in her eyes and know she must have been doing some thinking herself in my absence and yet she just nods and says coolly. “Ok, I owe you that at least.”
I hate this wall that has formed between us and know it’s there because I built it and so as I watch her go, I decide to make things right for her. She needs to feel comfortable around me, enjoy the time we spend together because even though nothing has really changed and I still don’t want emotion, I do want her and I will do whatever’s necessary to keep her.
