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Pixy wriggles back on his feet.
“Come on, Bugger.” Chance bends over and scoops him up, laying him across both of our laps, then he bumps his shoulder with mine. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing up so early? You should still be in bed with your wife.”
“I was coming to wake you under the ruse of walking Bugger around for a while, so you just saved me from throwing pebbles at your window.”
“Why? It’s not even light.” I’m confused about his odd behavior.
“Can’t I spend some time with my favorite cousin on our last day here?” It’s Monday morning. They are leaving after lunch to head back to Hermosa Beach.
“You can, but I would have thought lying snuggled in bed with your wife sounds like a better idea after a pee-pee break with Pixy.”
“It’s my number one fave thing to doanythingin bed with my wife, but she knows where I am and why. Aubrey would be here, throwing pebbles at your window, but CJ is awake. They will be out here soon.”
“Okay.” My cousin is up to something.
We sit in silence for a minute or two, giving Pixy our attention and patting him, scratching behind his ears, receiving affection back in return from the adorable goat.
My cousin breaks the silence. “It is harder at Christmas time with our loved ones gone,” he says softly. “Us Bateman’s can have a lot of good fortune in life, but then—” He lets out a heavy sigh while staring out into the darkness. “You are still very welcome to spend Christmas Day at our place.” He holds a hand up. “I know you have already politely declined. You have animals to take care of, but even if only for a few hours, Aubrey and Adele will love to outnumber the boys.”
I wrap an arm around his shoulder. “I hear you, cuz, but I’m going to be okay. I may have forgotten to tell you that Gwendoline, my best friend, arrives from Australia via Las Vegas on Wednesday afternoon. She flew into the States ten days ago and is enjoying meeting up with friends.”
“I remember her. Nice girl. Graphic designer?”
“Yes, and she’s the best! She is going to be keeping me company and helping me manage the Fainting Goat Ranch, staying with me for six months on a working visa.” Gwen is also doubling as my comfort blanket for my first Christmas in the States. “Thank you again for the offer, but I am honestly going to have a great time with my friend, getting ready for the opening day here will keep me on my toes. Gwendoline and I haven’t seen each other in nearly a year, so we will have much to catch up on, and we can still FaceTime with you all on Christmas Day.”
My bestie is the queen of organization, and she’s got such a great personality. Managing four tiny Airbnb houses with her at my side will help me greatly when any new business kinks need ironing out.
“If you are sure, then I won’t ask again, but even though we haven’t seen each other a lot these past few years, you are family, and family is important.”
“Family is important,” I repeat. It occurs to me I sound irrationally stubborn. I should be jumping at the chance (pun intended) to be surrounded by a loving family. “Maybe bestie and I will come over on Christmas Eve if you are available?” I might ask Jensen to come over and check on the animals for me while we are away for a few hours.
“You are going to make Aubrey’s day, knowing she has you and Gwen coming, and CJ will love seeing his Auntie Philly again.” He kisses me on the top of my head. “I knew I could break you.” I laugh at his cocky confidence, and then I quickly sober because there’s something I need to tell him, and now seems as good a time as any.
Chance pats my leg. “A penny for your thoughts?”
“Well, maybe I have been holding back on something.”
“To do with the accident?”
“Yes.” I begin wringing the corner of the blanket while I decide how to put it all into words.
“I haven’t wanted to pry because I knew you were going through a lot,” he says gently, “but I wondered why it took you nearly four weeks to let me know my uncle—your father—and his wife passed away. I would have flown over. I am not judging you, Ophelia, because I know the person you are, and it was an intensely painful time for you. I knew you would open up and tell me when you were ready. Are you at the place in your life now that you can talk about it?”
“Yes. I want to be.” I stare at the Christmas lights, blinking in and out, unable to face Chance, praying for courage to get through this conversation. “You knew I had spent time in hospital. Mentally I wasn’t in a good place, and that was the excuse I gave you when I finally called to tell you the tragic news.
“You and Adele have had your share of what life can throw at you, and you dealt with it. You met Aubrey during that time and then nearly lost her. I knew you would fly to Australia for me, but you also had a new baby. Aubrey needed you, so I thought I was helping keep you both together in my grief-stricken mind by delaying telling you, and it seemed less real this way. I wanted you to stay in your happy bubble with your family until Gwen’s dads convinced me I needed to call and tell you the bad news. I was in so much mental anguish I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t want to hurt you with this news. Only my friend Gwen and her family knew the whole story about what happened to me that night.”
Chance takes my hand. “What happened to you, honey?”
And then I tell him the secret I have held onto, and I feel better for telling my cousin.
He listens.
We talk it out.
We get sad.
