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His voice made me want to weep. My eyes drifted up to his face despite all my efforts to keep them on my coffee. He didn’t make any sense. He was such a mismatched mixture of emotions and signs, I wasn’t sure how to read him. His jaw was still set in what seemed like anger, his eyes were shuttered, yet his voice was soft, almost regretful. I just couldn’t figure him out.
Swallowing my confusion, I replied, “Uh, some powdered creamer and sugar sounds great, if it’s no trouble.”
Mathis took my cup away from me, his calloused hand brushing against my own, and I was taken back, all the way back to New York City, where his upper-class looks but work roughened hands and country-boy voice had caught me so off guard. He had been an enchanting mixture even then. I ignored the shiver such a simple brush of his fingers could cause. I shoved it way down, deep inside and locked it away.
Sipping my coffee once Mathis had returned it to me, I frowned as I looked out the window into a rising sun. “Did I sleep all night?”
Mathis nodded. “You never came back out once you laid down. Guess the events of the day got to you.”
I sighed. “Sorry. More like the events of the week, I think.” I regretted saying it as soon as it was out, because I instantly thought of the quick-hot sex we’d had at the adobe dwellings, and my eyes drifted to his face, and the heated look I found in his eyes only confirmed that he was thinking of it too, and I had the strong feeling that Mathis was as affected by my presence as I was by his. Looking away quickly, I chugged my coffee, grateful for the searingly hot liquid as it practically burned its way down my throat, bringing my thoughts away from sex with Mathis.
“So, what’s your plan with this horse? I saw how close he got to you yesterday. I think you have a real chance to gentle him. Maybe I can help. I used to help my uncle gentle the mustangs he rescued.”
I frowned down at my coffee. “I’m not sure that’s a really good idea. The horse seems to react negatively when there’s more than one person around, especially men.”
Mathis frowned. “Well, if you plan to take him home and show your family, he’s not dangerous, you’ll have to get him over that, Callie.”
He had a point, but I really didn’t want him there when I tried to win this horse over using my gift. I didn’t want Mathis witnessing my “crazy” side and making judgements. I knew it was only a matter of time before he figured it out and turned his back on me, but in truth, I wasn’t ready for that. As much as it killed me to admit it, I was nowhere near ready to say goodbye to Mathis.
Arguing with Mathis was the last thing I wanted to spend my time doing, but as the day wore on, it seemed to be all we did. He was edgy, I was irritable, and in the end, I stormed out of the cabin, threw a halter on my mare, hopped on bareback, and galloped away from the cabin with Mathis hollering at me. Mathis didn’t seem to understand why I didn’t want him to help me with the stallion, and I wasn’t about to spell out to him that I was crazy. Half the day had passed, and I hadn’t had the chance to work with the horse at all. I felt frustrated and fed up. I was up here to do this one thing and already the time was being wasted. My phone had no reception, so I couldn’t even check on my mom or Sammy, and that dilemma brought with it a whole new whirl wind of emotions.
Anger, sadness, longing, disappointment in myself, all warred together in my heart, and my mind couldn’t deal with it anymore. Added to the mix was the intense sexual attraction I had to Mathis, an attraction that grew more and more difficult to ignore the longer I was cooped up in such close quarters with him. My mind whizzed from problem to problem, emotion to emotion as my body rocked to the rhythm of my horse’s stride. The rocking motion soon began to detox my overcrowded mind, and slowly, I felt my shoulders begin to relax, and quiet enter my head.
Once again, the still perfection of nature untouched by man settled its magical touch into my bones, and my soul, and my breathing calmed, my heart relaxed. My mare slowed to a canter, loping her way carefully through tall pines and thick grass. The sun faded from view as the thick canopy overhead blocked it with thick branches. Shade fell upon us, and the silence became deafening. With my body in perfect harmony with my horses, we covered the distance quickly, until my mare came to a halt in a small meadow bordered by trees. Her body had felt my own begin to relax, and she had sensed that my need for speed had dissipated. Now, we stood motionless looking into a clearing of wildflowers thicker and more colorful than anything I’d ever seen.
Bees buzzed in the distance, and butterflies fluttered close to us. My heart skipped a beat at the perfect beauty of this place, and my mind was quiet, lulled into harmony by the peacefulness I found here. God, I loved this place. This wild, blissful example of nature, it was the most amazing gift to be given. In fact, the perfection of it brought tears to my eyes, and my already overworked emotions swelled over the brim of my lids and left their trail down my cheeks. Sliding from my horse, I kneeled at the edge of the wildflowers, not wanting to mar their beauty with my footprints. I kneeled there, with a heavy heart, and I began to pray. I prayed for my mother, for my sister and my father. I prayed that Sammy and her baby would find peace in the world together, and I prayed that I would have the strength and wisdom to learn to live with this ability I’d been given.
An intimately soft flutter touched my face, and I opened my eyes, peering down at the giant golden wings of the monarch butterfly which rested upon my shoulder, its velvety wings brushing my face with each flutter. Soon, another landed on my knee, followed by another and another. I was caught up in the magic of the moment, my body nearly covered with these seemingly fantastical insects, and I found myself laughing softly. Their antennae tickled my arms and face, and behind me, Pizazz snorted in worry. To me, I felt this was a sign. God was speaking to me. Again, he was showing me the wonder and beauty of this world, and of life. I knew, deep down, that things would be okay.
Mathis was angry when I returned, but I ignored him. Nothing would ruin the peace I had found. Walking past him, I headed to the round corral, and I sat myself on the fence, allowing the feeling of utter peace I felt to expand from me toward the stallion. Mathis didn’t speak, and he didn’t come to me, something I was grateful for. I spent the rest of my afternoon sitting right there. The stallion played a game with me, wandering closer only to buck away at the last moment, but I would not lose hope. God had given me a sign. I would see this thing through, no matter how long it took.
Days faded to nights, warmth faded to brisk chill as the sun disappeared in the forest, but I kept up my hope. Several days had passed since my experience in the meadow, and I’d made little progress with horse or man. Mathis and I hardly spoke, and Dark Temptation continued to be just that, a temptation I couldn’t seem to win over. My spirits threated to plummet, but Pizazz and the bond we shared reminded me I was not crazy, and my abilities were real. I prayed each night for patience and hope. Each morning, I woke with renewed vigor, and determination. Each night, I went to bed lonely and disappointed. It seemed the longer I was there, the more distant Mathis became, and the more I didn’t understand the connection between us or the change in his mood.
A week into our endeavor, I sat by the fire eating the food Mathis had prepared from a hunting excursion, and I felt my irritation with him grow until I couldn’t keep quiet any longer.
“If you are so unhappy being here with me, then why don’t you just go home, and I will stay here. Afterall, I drug you into this against your will. I’m tired of dealing with your crappy moods.”
Mathis froze with a forkful of food suspended halfway between his plate and mouth. He turned a heated gaze on me, his eyes igniting with anger. “If I didn’t want to be here with you, Callie, I wouldn’t be. I am not leaving you here alone.”
Now my feminist side took offense. “Why, because you think I can’t take care of myself? Well, I sure the hell can. You don’t need to stay here out of guilt.”
Mathis growled, slammed his plate down on the pine table, and shoved out of his chair, stalking across the small kitchen like a caged animal.
“Damn it, Callie, you don’t get it do you? You assume I don’t want to be here; you assume I think you can’t care for yourself, or train that horse, but if you’d just stop assuming, maybe you’d see I’m here because I want to be, and I want to help you with that horse because I care, not because I doubt you!”
His words caught me off guard. I blinked, frowned, and then looked at him in question. “If that’s how you feel, then why have you been so damned edgy, so unhappy and irritated since we got here?”
Mathis ran a hand through his thick waves. Blowing out a breath, he paced across the small cabin several times before finally stopping in front of the fire. With his back toward me, he seemed to collect his thoughts before speaking.
“I’m sorry, Callie. I didn’t mean to be that way toward you, but your right. Ive been a complete ass. To be honest, there are several reasons, but none of them have anything to do with not wanting to be here with you.”
When he fell silent, I waited for him to go on, but minutes ticked past without another word, so I gently prodded, “Well, what are they?”
Mathis huffed out another breath. “The first one is you, Callie, do you know how hard it is to be here alone with you?” when I didn’t respond, Mathis turned to face me, his hazel eyes alight with desire.
“Just being in the same room with you drives me wild. Every time I look at you, I just want to rip your clothes off and make love to you right then and there. Seeing you first thing in the morning, it turns me on more than I ever have been.”
My heart tried to leap out of my chest as he stepped toward me, yanking me out of my chair and crushing me to his chest. His lips crashed down on my own in a demandingly hot kiss that heated me all the way down to my toes.
