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Now I laughed heartily. “Oh, ha ha funny Sam. I’m so not calling him. No way. He only gave me his number in case I got knocked up anyway.”
“I don’t know…sounded kinda like he used that as an excuse to give you his number…you know…” I could picture her face in my mind, as she screwed up one side of her face and tried to wink at me.
Shaking my head even though she wasn’t there, I closed my eyes. “Oh, I wish. I wish it were that simple. At least now when I get married, I’ll have a fantasy to live out when my husband gets old, fat and bald.”
We laughed together at the image, and I felt the pang of longing for my friend, and for my home. I missed my life, my family, and the town I’d left dust trails through on my horse. I missed, even more than all of that, my horses.
Saying goodbye and disconnecting the line, I pictured my buckskin mare, my dog, the barn at home filled with shavings, hay and horses. I could smell the wheat hay, and the sweet scent of the pasture. I could hear the soothing sounds of horses chewing, tails swishing at fly’s, and dogs barking. I missed it so much, every day. Somewhere inside of me, I hoped I’d go back, but another part of me was afraid. What if it hadn’t just been a fluke? What if that day just hadn’t been a once in a lifetime thing? The thought of that happening again terrified me, and I just couldn’t face it.
Winter was rapidly approaching in New York, and with it came plummeting temperatures, and multi-colored leaves. My homesickness had been growing in the past months, and now that fall was in full swing, I felt it gnawing at me like a dog chewing a bone. In Colorado, fall was my favorite season. The leaves would fade to shades of yellow, amber, red and even violet. The deep green pastures would begin to lose their luster and slowly merge with the golds of the trees. God, I loved it there in the fall.
Walking to work, I huddled into my coat a little more, grateful for the scarf and gloves my mother had sent me last winter. Bindings was already open for business when I shoved into the door. Eugenia was bustling around, getting little work done, but looking efficient, nonetheless. I had to smile. “Morning Eugenia.”
She glanced up, waved, and went back to making the store a mess. I would have to clean it up later, I knew, but at that moment, my homesickness was too heavy to care about anything else. I set my stuff down behind the counter where the register sat and pulled off my coat. The phone began to ring, vibrating on its perch atop the counter.
Picking up, I said into the receiver, “Hello, Bindings Book Store, this is Callie.”
Across the other line, I heard static, followed by a feminine voice. “Callie? Callie, its Elaine, can you talk?”
My mind went temporarily blank. My sister and I didn’t exactly talk frequently, and she certainly never called me at work. “Elaine is everything okay?”
Her voice sounded small, and she sniffled. “Mom’s been sick. She doesn’t know I’m calling; you know how prideful she can get. The doctors think she has cancer but until her scan next month they won’t know anything for sure. It would be really nice to have you home right now, Callie. I know it’s a lot to ask, but Pa’s kind of falling apart, and he and you used to get along so great, I was hoping…well, maybe you could at least come spend some time with them.”
My stomach had dropped, and I stood frozen staring at the bookshelves lined up in front of me. The news that every grown-child dreaded hearing reverberated around in my head, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My mom was sick…my mom was sick…it just kept repeating itself in my mind. “I…uh…God…I gotta talk to my boss Elaine.”
On the other line, she sniffled again. “Try not to freak out, okay. We don’t know anything for sure yet.”
When I’d disconnected the call, I simply stood there, thoughts whirring around in my head, my stomach in knots and my heart thundering. When Eugenia looked up at me, she dropped the stack of books she was carrying and rushed toward me, concern marring her usually serious expression.
Since I didn’t own a car-and preferred not to in New York-I found myself sitting on a grey hound bus, my meager belongings stacked above my head, staring out the window as the scenery changed drastically every hundred miles or so. I couldn’t seem to relax and worry for my mother ate away at my gut. My folks had always been healthy, I couldn’t even remember either of them having had a cold, so this news was impossible to deal with. I prayed over and over along the ride, praying that she would be all right, that it would be a false alarm.
Then, there came the guilt. I hadn’t spoken to my mom-or any of my family for that matter-much in the past couple of years. The only time I went home was holidays, and sometimes I even made excuses not to do that. I had my reasons for running off, for leaving the life of a country girl behind, but I had to face the truth. I’d been being a really crappy daughter lately. My sister and brother both had kids who I hardly ever saw, and that only added to the heaviness weighing down my shoulders. Perhaps it was best I was going back home.
Eugenia had been much more considerate than I had expected her to be. In fact, she had broken down crying about how she hadn’t been there for her own mother enough. She’d given me two months off and expressed her concern for my mom. I was grateful to her, but also worried. I didn’t know how she was going to hold that place together while I was gone. The sad thing was, without my paychecks, I wouldn’t be able to pay rent on my studio, so I’d let it go. Telling the landlord, I was moving out was better than getting an eviction notice when I couldn’t pay next month. I hated to lose the studio, but I didn’t really know where my future was headed.
Someone was shoving me, I sat up with a bolt of startled unease, blinking rapidly. Above me, the elderly bus driver smiled politely. “Sorry, Miss, but I think this is your stop. You’re my last drop-off. Durango Colorado, right?”
I nodded unenthusiastically. “Yep, that’s me.” grabbing my bags, I hefted them up, lugging them out of there. Listening to the engine of the diesel-powered bus drive off, I surveyed my surroundings. I was at a shopping mall on the edge of town, and the sky was cloaked in darkness, with thousands of glittering stars. For a second, I just stood there, looking up at that sky, feeling the flush of amazement for the first time in so long. In New York, I could never see them with this clarity, this sparkling brightness. It touched me, heart and soul.
Inhaling deeply, I pulled my cell from my jean pocket, and dialed my sister’s number. I told her where I was, and then I set my bags on the ground, settling in for the wait. My parents farm was roughly a forty-minute drive from town, so I knew I would be here a while. It was a cool night, the beginning of fall, and I couldn’t wait to see this town during the daylight. I thought back over my youth, to all the rodeo’s, western festivals and general cowboy shenanigans this place was known for, and I had to admit, it felt good to come home.
Now, if I could just maintain a safe distance from the four legged creatures around me, then I might just have a chance at normalcy this time. Sadly, I knew the chances of that were pretty slim. My parents owned a cattle ranch, and there were so many animals running amuck there that I knew there would be no way to avoid them all. Rubbing my face, I thought of the last time I’d actually lived here, and I cringed. The hope that no one would remember the fiasco that had occurred during my run for rodeo queen years ago was like a tiny flame, smoking and smoldering before extinguishing altogether.
Wrapping my coat around me, I felt the chill in the air, the slight breeze, and it buoyed my hopes. I loved the fall in Durango. When my thoughts drifted to my mom, I felt the hotness of emotion as it welled up, and I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. I might not always see eye to eye with her, but she was my mom, and I loved her. She had always been the rock in our family, the glue that held us all together, and the thought of something happening to her was too painful to think about. Standing, I paced back and forth in agitation.
Headlights landed on me, illuminating me in the dark, and I turned to peer into the bright lights of an older Ford F-one-fifty pickup truck. The white paint was dole and worn, the tires too large, and the bed was missing its tailgate. I couldn’t help smiling. My old truck looked exactly as she had when I left. The truck came to a halt, and my sister stepped out. For a moment, the two of us just stared at one another. She had changed. Her once long hair was cut in a fashionable bob, with the front slightly longer than the back.
Her flowery dress hugged her figure-which I could see had filled out somewhat-she had always been the thinner of the two of us. Yet, as she turned slightly to close the door on the truck, I noticed the tell-tell signs of a baby bump, and I had the suspicion she was pregnant again.
Elaine’s eyes misted up slightly as she stepped up to me, and then she surprised me, pulling me into a tight hug. “Oh, Callie, I’m so glad you’re here.”
I blinked, trying to adjust to the bright lights of the truck, and the sneaky emotions her hug had evoked in me. “Wow, Elaine, you look great. You’ve changed though.”
Her eyes crinkled at the corners in a half-smile, as her gaze drifted over me. “I should say that you’re the one who’s changed, little Calamity. I don’t think any of the boys in town will be able to believe it’s you. I guess New York was good for you.”
I felt myself blush, and I shook my head. “No, I don’t think I’ve changed that much. Lost some of my baby fat probably, but my hips are still too wide, and I certainly don’t have the figure you always had.”
Now, my sister let out a laugh. “And look at me now. I’ve lost my waist-line, and my hips are shelves…I guess that’s what happens when we have kids.”
