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My mother’s eyes shifted from the puppy to my face, and something passed across her expression, some minute look that made me feel she was thinking of the same thing I was. Without a word, my mom moved into the room, scooped the ball of fluff-that was the puppy-into her arms, and then sat on the edge of my bed. The puppy wasted no time wiggling from her arms and headed straight for me. I cringed, terrified of what might happen. When the puppy reached me, his little butt wiggled non-stop in happiness, and he crawled up to my face, covering me with wet kisses that smelled of puppy-breath.
A euphoria of happiness washed through me, and I could literally feel the pup’s happiness as though it were my own. My mother reached out, placing a hand on my arm.
“Calamity, that summer, things were…well, they were hard for your father and me. We’d never had to deal with what we were suddenly faced with, and everyone said we should send you to the doctors.” Her blue eyes turned to my face.
“I think we made a mistake, because it made you leave. This is your home, and we want you here, we want you to feel welcome here, not have to run again. Your Pa and I, well, we’ve talked about things, and if you’ve got this ability…this gift to…”
I cut her off. “Ma, I was a teenager. I had some kind of a meltdown, or maybe the doctors are right, and I just wanted attention, I’m not sure, but you don’t have to worry I’m gonna go crazy again. It wasn’t real.”
Her blue eyes narrowed, and I had the feeling she could see right through me. My Ma had always been a human lie detector. “Calamity, you don’t have to do that…”
I pasted an overbright-and incredibly fake-smile on my face. “Really Ma, it’s okay. I’m all right now. Don’t worry, I won’t go all loco on you guys this time.” Trying to change the subject, I gently pushed the puppy away, blocking out the intense feelings of happiness wafting off of him. “Something smells wonderful. I’ll be right down.”
My mom studied me a moment longer before taking the puppy, nodding her head, and leaving my room. As soon as my door was closed, I slumped back against the headboard, released a deep breath, and stared at the floor. I had my biggest question answered. I hadn’t been around animals since leaving here, and I had managed to avoid them-for the most part-the few times I’d come home for visits. The hardest one to avoid had been Letty, my old Labrador. She had still been young when I had moved away, but it seemed she had never lost her loyalty to me, because every time I came home, she was right there at my side, her big brown eyes watching me with love and devotion.
It broke my heart to leave her in the first place but coming home to see how much she still loved me, that was like ripping off an old scab over and over. Last time I’d been home was the hardest. She’d tried to follow the truck down the entire five-mile drive way when my dad had been taking me to the airport. Eventually, she’d stopped, knowing she wasn’t supposed to stray so far from the house, but seeing her in the rear view as she had sat there, waiting to see if I’d come back, that had ripped my heart clean out of my chest.
Now that I would be staying longer than the typical two days I spent here for holidays, I knew she’d be even more heart broken when I went back to New York. Getting out of bed, I sighed heavily. Touching that puppy had brought me the answers about my craziness I had been dreading. It was still here, and I was still messed up. I knew it only happened with touch, but it wasn’t always easy to avoid such a thing. Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I shuffled downstairs in my pajama shorts and tank top. I was still groggy, so it took several minutes for me to register the fact that it wasn’t just my family seated at the large kitchen table.
Several male faces peered back at me, some familiar, and some not. I stopped halfway between the stairs and the table, horror reflecting on my face, before turning abruptly and running back up the stairs. I had no bra on, and I NEVER showed that much leg to anyone. In my room, I rummaged through my luggage before finally pulling on a pair of worn jeans and putting on a bra and t-shirt. Looking in the mirror, I was grateful my face didn’t look too horrible. I hadn’t worn makeup yesterday, so at least I didn’t have raccoon eyes. Now that I was wide awake and disgruntled, I headed back down stairs, knowing full-well I was probably as red as my mother’s garden tomatoes.
At the table, my Pa gave me an amused smile. “Sorry, Callie, I guess you didn’t know that a few of the hands live here full-time now. Their pay includes meals, so you’ll have to get used to that.”
I glanced at the five men seated at the table in alternating spots, smiling sheepishly. “Good morning.” Behind me, there was a little yip, and I looked down to see the same little fur ball looking up at me. “So, what’s with the puppy?”
I glanced up, noticing that my dad looked away, and Robert, our head ranch foreman who had been with us since I was a kid-and who also happened to be my dad’s best friend-frowned before also looking away from me. Now, I was frowning. Glancing down the table, I made eye contact with my brother, Cody. He swallowed, cleared his throat, and then said, “Uh, I think Ma could use some help in the kitchen.”
Suspicion and fear mingled together in my brain, and my stomach turned into knots. I had a really bad feeling about their inability to answer my question. Heading into the kitchen, I glanced behind me, my frown deepening as the puppy followed happily behind me. In the kitchen, my mom was taking some biscuits from the oven, and she glanced at me, noting the puppy behind me, she smiled.
“That little guy sure has taken a liking to you, Callie.”
I glared at the pup, wishing he’d leave me alone. “Mom, I asked what was with the puppy, and Pa and Cody acted awfully odd. By the way, where’s Letty? I would’ve thought she’d have found me by now.”
My mom dropped the pan of biscuits-luckily only onto the oven door-and then swore. “Dammit, I’m getting old and clumsy.”
I hurried to grab the pot-holder from her, taking the biscuits and placing them on the counter. “You’re not getting old. You don’t want to tell me something.” And then it hit me. Something had happened to Letty.
Stepping away from her, I gasped, and hot tears stung my eyes. “Oh my God, something happened to Letty.” It wasn’t really a question this time.
My mom slowly looked at me, her blue eyes welling up with tears. Her chin trembled as she said, “I’m sorry, Callie. Letty died a few months ago.”
My world seemed to tilt, and I sank into the wooden chair behind me. Tears spilled down my face, and my nose clogged. “What? How? When? I…I don’t understand, she wasn’t that old…”
My mom came to sit beside me, taking my hand. “She got pregnant, Callie. We always meant to get her spayed after her first litter, but I guess we just forgot. We didn’t even know it happened. All our dogs are fixed except her. One day, she started acting weird, and then next thing I knew, she was having pups in your room. But something was wrong, so I took her to the vet. The vet said she was too old to be having pups, and I told him it wasn’t planned. He had to do an emergency c-section cause one of the pups was stuck in the canal.”
My mom stopped, both of us in tears now. When she continued, she glanced down at the puppy staring up at me. “Three pups survived, but Letty and the other two didn’t. I’m sorry Hun, we did everything we could.” She scooped the fluffy puppy up and held him out to me. “We kept one pup for you, Cody and Robert each took one, so we’d all have a little bit of Letty left.”
I looked down at the wiggling ball of fur she held out to me, but he was just a blur through my tears. My mom pushed him into my arms. “This is Letty’s pup, the one we saved for you.”
My heart was broken, and right then, I couldn’t face the pup. I set him down, a sob tearing from my throat, and I fled out the door that led from the kitchen and into the yard behind the house. Tears splattered from my face onto my shirt as I ran, and quiet sobs ripped from me. I ran all the way up the hill that rose behind the house, the one with the giant oak tree, the tree that watched over our little graveyard for all the pets that had passed. Pulling open the knee-high white picket fence, I wove through the stone walkway and headed toward the back. There were only a handful of crosses in there, each decorated with the mishappen writing of children, where we’d written our pets names when they’d died.
At the far end, a new white cross stood, with flowers and a laminated picture of my chocolate Labrador nailed to it. Across the wooden cross, someone had written her name, and below her cross they’d placed the round nine-inch cement stepping stone decorated with colorful rocks, Letty’s paw-print, and my own teenage hand-print. A surge of fresh tears welled up and flooded my face, and snot dripped from my nose, but I didn’t care. I should have taken her with me when I left, I should have paid her more attention when I was here. All the would have’s, should have’s and what if’s that come with guilt ran through my distraught mind.
I kneeled before her grave, laying my head on the steeping stone, and sobbed. I realized it wasn’t just Letty I cried for. It was the years I’d lost, the sense of home that had fled during my time in New York, and the fear for my mother that kept the tears flowing. Not for the first time, I wished furtively that I wasn’t crazy, that those things hadn’t happened that summer I’d run for rodeo queen, and that I’d never left this place. I felt cursed by my ability, and I wondered for what must have been the thousandth time if the doctors were right and I just imagined these feelings I felt around animals. Maybe it was something I was doing to myself, and if I admitted that, it would just go away.
As I was thinking this, a cold wet nose touched my arm, followed by a small whimper, and then, the overwhelming feeling of concern hit me. The feeling wasn’t my own, and it felt foreign, like having someone else’s thoughts invading my mind. Lifting my tear stained face, I glanced down at the little brown, black and white ball of fluff, and I sighed. He placed a paw on my leg, letting out another little whine. His concern only brought me new tears. Why was this puppy so determined to be with me? He was Letty’s baby, and I should love him because of that, but for some reason, I rebelled at the thought. I didn’t want to be around animals. It would make it too hard to keep my ability a secret, and I didn’t want to relive my seventeenth summer all over again.
By the time I had managed to pull myself together, everyone had eaten and left the house to start their day. My mother was the only one who still sat there at the table. With one hand on her over-large coffee mug, and the other dabbing tears with a Kleenex, she looked up when I walked in. I sat the puppy I was carrying on the floor and gave her a weak smile. My mother stood up, walked to the kitchen, and brought my coffee and plate of food. Then, she returned to her spot, handing me the box of Kleenex and not saying anything. It was her way. She knew I wouldn’t want the wound ripped open, so we sat, drinking coffee together in silence while I ate.
