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“I’m heading back home, I don’t like Violet being home alone,” Ivan tells us before looking at me. “You’re sure this is what you want to do?”
I know Ivan isn’t asking to be mean to Roman. He just wants to make sure I’m okay…not only physically but emotionally, since he knows just how hard the last two weeks have been for me.
“Yes, I want to go with Roman.” Two weeks. That’s how long I’ve waited to see this man and there is no way I’m going with Ivan now that I know it’s safe to be with Roman again.
“I figured as much, but I wanted to double check with you before leaving.” Ivan walks away from us and toward his car while Roman walks me to his car with Devin and Mac following close behind us.
There are still a few people lingering in the parking lot when we reach Roman’s car. Most of them are getting into their cars or already are in their cars. I’m so happy to have Roman back that I really don’t pay anyone or anything much attention.
I smile up at him feeling awestruck when something catches my eye…
“Disgrace. That’s what you are Sophie. A disgrace to this family…” My father’s voice filters into my mind and for a moment I can’t breathe, my body tenses, every muscle freezes, and fear grips onto me sinking its black claws into my skin. I grip onto Roman’s shirt and lean into him seeking his protection. I know he will protect me, but I still can’t force my heart to beat at a normal rhythm.
“What’s wrong?” Roman stops sensing my fear. He looks at me with concern etched into his bloody features. Then as if he knows exactly what I need he pulls me in closer, the warmth of his skin calms me, but it can’t make me stop feeling like I’m being watched like he’s here.
“What is it baby? Are you okay?” Roman’s voice is so gentle, so kind, it caresses me from the inside out touching the deepest parts of my soul.
“I…I…saw…” I can’t get the words out, my mouth feels like cottons been shoved in it, and my tongue simply refuses to work. I’m able to raise my hand and point at a nearby car that just passed us. I saw him, he was right there…in the driver seat…smiling at me, or at least I think he was.
No, no, no…It can’t be true. My eyes must have played a trick on me. He can’t be here. There’s no way he knows where I am. How could he? We are close to Vegas, my family lives hours away from here. There is no way he would be here. He never leaves the community. No, it can’t be him.
“Sophie please tell me what’s wrong. Why are you shaking? What did you see? Was there someone in that car?” Roman sounds as afraid as I look as he looks around, trying to see what I saw, but the car has already turned the corner and is out of sight.
“M-my father, I saw him…in the car, but it can’t be him…right? He doesn’t know where I am, does he?” Panic wraps around my insides. I can’t breathe, the thought of him getting his hands on me again, of hurting me, it terrifies me.
“Sophie, look you’ve been through a lot. It’s completely normal for your mind to make up things,” Mac tries to explain but Roman interrupts him a deep scowl on his face.
“Shut up Mac, don’t tell her she is making shit up. You don’t know the half of it.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Mac sighs scrubbing a hand down his face. I can sense the tension in the air and the last thing I want is to cause a fight. I’m already exhausted, and anxious from watching Roman fight. All I want is to get back to the house and sink deep into Roman’s bed with his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“Alright everybody let’s calm down, get in the car and head home. Roman needs patched up still and we can discuss this on the way back,” Devin tries to defuse the situation and it helps a little bit but doesn’t stop the worry from creeping in.
Mac and Roman nod in agreement and we finally get into the car. Roman slides with me into the back seat and pulls me onto his lap. The drive to his house is quiet, and I rest my head against Roman’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I close my eyes, trying to forget that I just saw my father…or that I thought I saw him. For a moment I consider that maybe Mac is right. My mind must just be conjuring up these images.
Still I can’t help but think maybe I did see him…being afraid of him is all I’ve ever known…the fear is something I’m used to. After being free for the last couple of weeks I think I forgot what it was like to worry, to be truly afraid of something and someone that would actually hurt me.
