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“Who’re the pussies now?” I holler, cursing that I’ve opened the old cuts across my knuckles.
While my brothers laugh, the prospect exits the supermarket with an overflowing cart filled with groceries. I take a quick look around at the spectators, trying to hide the fact that they saw what went down.
“Let’s get out of here,” I say, heading for my bike.
With blood on my hands, and the baby’s vest in my pocket, I hear Cas’s words about finding a balance between the club and family. To me, there’s no balance to find, because they’re one and the same. I’ll fight to protect the patch, and in protecting the club, it protects my old lady and my son.
Chapter Ten
Harper
Dark clouds loom over the club, but off in the distance, it’s all bright blue skies. Hopefully the clouds pass over before it rains again.
Seeing Bonnie sitting out back, I make my way out and join her.
“We’ve chosen a name. It’s Gunner.”
Bonnie’s smile grows as I relax into the chair beside her.
Though it’s warm, rain is in the air. I just hope it holds off until JJ returns. Riding in it is dangerous, and he already lives a dangerous enough life. Knowing my luck, I’ll lose him to the road rather than a bullet from an enemy.
“I love it. Little Gunner Carter,” she giggles. “I have to say, I can’t wait to be a grandmother.”
“You’re going to be amazing.”
“As will you. When JJ told me you were expecting a boy, it was like everything fell into place. When I was younger, I never saw all this for myself. I used to be afraid to dream of a future where I was happy, loved, and where I had a family. After JJ was born, and Sparky and I made a home, I’d pinch myself to make sure it was real. Sparky doesn’t know this, but I’d have panic attacks because I feared I’d wake up and it’d all be gone.” Smiling sadly, she reaches for my hand. “Never be afraid of the future, Harper. No matter what the club goes through, with your son, they’ll always be good times. He’ll get you through anything and everything.”
I must admit, it feels good to know the bond between a mother and child is what you make it, that it isn’t passed down along the family tree. If that was the case, I would never choose to be a mother.
And thinking of mothers… “Has anyone heard from Lily?”
I watch her face carefully. “Not that I’ve heard, sweetheart.”
I believe her. It’s been months since she left, and she hasn’t bothered to answer my calls. Not that I’ve tried for a long while.
“Maybe speak to your uncle. If you want her found, he’s obviously the guy to go to.”
Maybe it’s Slade I should be asking. After all, she is his sister. Our relationship will never be what it once was, but it’s not so tense now. I still steer clear of Kristen, as I don’t think she’ll ever get over my involvement in India’s death. Now that I’m soon to be a mother, I can understand her on a different level.
“Were you ever afraid to be a mom before JJ?” I ask her.
“Of course I was. It was everything I ever wanted, but in the world I used to live in, there was no way I’d bring a child into that. But after meeting Sparky, and once he got his shit together, I was still scared, but it was something I was prepared to figure out. Every mother feels it, Harper. It’s as natural as having babies.”
Feeling so much better at hearing everyone has the same fears, I take a deep breath and exhale all the concerns of feeling alone out into the air.
“If there’s anything you ever want to know, you’ve only got to ask. Don’t be reading about all those nightmares online.”
I hadn’t even contemplated going online. But it is something I’ll stay away from. I’m not the kind of person who can take the crap written with a pinch of salt. I always end up believing everything I read, then panic over things I shouldn’t. JJ’s forever telling me not to believe everything I see and hear, and from now on, I’ll listen.
Alannah walks out the back door, lugging a black suitcase. Bonnie jumps up to help her, and together they get it onto the table.
“Going on vacation?” I ask.
“More like, down memory lane.”
She unzips the case, and Bonnie slips into the house to get some drinks. Throwing open the case lid, Alannah urges me to stand up and look.
“How are you feeling today?” she asks as I look over the case filled with baby photos and mementos.
