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Not dealing with it made me weak.
And I was way fucking stronger than that.
So things might be going great between all of us, but that did not mean I included them in my plans, because I did not.
There were some things a girl just needed to do all on her own. Not a single one of them would get that, because they’d be too focused on their need to protect me, which I absolutely loved, but now wasn’t the time. They’d never understand what I had gone through because you had to experience it yourself to get it.
I already had a bag packed, and it was in my SUV with everything that I thought I might need for the night. I had to pack it on the sly when I was by myself because I knew if any of the guys spotted it, they would have questions I wouldn’t want to answer. And then they would insist on
coming along with me.
I hated having to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, but I was doing it anyway.
I made it out to the SUV without being caught, thankfully. I started it up and backed out without turning on the headlights. Like a thief in the night, I flew down the long driveway and didn’t turn the lights on until I was halfway down the drive.
I half expected to see headlights appear in the rearview mirror behind me, but they never came.
Even though I had never made the trip, I had the directions memorized by heart. Still, I had a map in my backpack with the way all highlighted just in case I needed it. Better safe than sorry.
My hands shook on the steering wheel the entire drive. It was too early in this journey to let my nerves get the better of me, because I knew somewhere along the way my emotions were going to overwhelm me. There was no doubt in my mind about it.
I had to park the SUV on the side of the dirt road because there was no driveway or even a trail that I knew of where I was going. I would have to hike through the woods to get there.
I got out and opened the door in the back. I unzipped the beat-up black backpack and pulled out the heavy-duty black flashlight that could easily double as a serious weapon. You could definitely brain someone to death with that sucker.
I smacked it on my open palm a few times just to get a feel for it.
I slipped my arms through the straps on the backpack, putting it on, and shut the back door. I hit the button on the key fob, locking the doors, and I was as ready to go as I was ever going to be.
I wasn’t afraid of walking through the woods by myself, but I certainly now had a very real fear of the dark. Being blind for however long I had been down there for hadn’t just been a little bit of darkness, but the real deal where my world had been nothing but complete blackness.
The abuse and beatings I had suffered had been a horror all their own, but being in the dark was the thing that was always going to stick with me the most. The body healed, but the mind? The mind was a tricky bitch, and it didn’t heal like the body did.
I aimed my flashlight in front of me as I carefully made my way through the woods. I felt like I should feel some sort of recognition or something, because Rain had once carried me through these woods before, but I felt nothing but the dread that was pooling in my gut.
The closer I got to my destination, the worse that feeling in my gut got. I felt like I might puke if it got any worse.
I stopped when I got to the clearing. The sense of evil that radiated off of the entire clearing knocked the breath out of my lungs and almost took me down to my knees.
Yes, this was definitely the right place.
This feeling, along with the cold, had seeped into my bones the entire time I had been down there. Sometimes I could still feel it, and I didn’t think it would ever permanently go away.
Maybe I needed an exorcism or something. Then again, maybe not. My demons liked to be danced with, and I wasn’t so sure they’d appreciate me trying to get rid of them.
Walking across that clearing was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, but once my feet started moving, it was almost as if they had a mind of their own and there was no stopping them. I was more than happy to hand control over to them, because my knees were knocking and bile was starting to crawl up my throat.
I did not want to puke. Puking was in my top five least favorite things to do of all time. I wasn’t trying to be dramatic, but that shit was the worst.
There was no longer a metal grate covering the top of the hole. I worried that perhaps it had been moved to cover some other hole that housed some other poor son of a bitch.
Logically, I knew that Ariel’s coven had searched as much ground by the motel as they could and they hadn’t found anyone. But that didn’t stop that little voice in the back of my mind that screamed that they’d missed someone. It had been so long now that finding someone wouldn’t make a difference because they’d be dead at this point.
I had wanted to help look for them, but at that point, I hadn’t been ready to be here just yet. I didn’t think I was ready to be here right now, but fuck it, too little too late.
I stopped at the edge of the hole that was a lot wider than I had thought it would be and shone my flashlight down into it.
I wasn’t surprised to find it was empty of water. I hadn’t understood when I’d been down there how they’d drained the water. Just one of the many unanswered questions I had. Maybe tonight I might actually find some answers. Either that, or finally some peace of mind.
