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I’d settle for anything at this point.
I walked around the entire hole, sticking to the edge the whole way. I stopped at the metal ladder latched to the dirt just on the outside of the hole.
I crouched down beside it and swept my light over the ladder. The bottom half was pulled up so you were stuck down there until the ladder was lowered.
I leaned forward and jerked on the ladder, shoving it down. It clanged as the bottom half slid down to kiss the dirt floor.
I froze as panic rushed through me. I had heard that sound so many times before, and it always brought a great deal of pain with it.
Fuck.
My hands shook so badly I lost purchase on the flashlight. I watched in horror as the light twirled around, the beam flying all over the dirt walls as it dropped to the bottom of the hole. It landed with a thud, and the light extinguished.
That was the only flashlight I had brought with me tonight. I hadn’t thought I would need to pack more than one of them.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
I sat my ass down on the grass and shouldered off the backpack. I swung it around and dropped it into my lap. I unzipped it and started digging through everything I had in there.
A bottle of water, a roll of duct tape, a hoodie, some granola bars, a lighter, a dagger, and my cellphone.
My phone would work because it had a flashlight on it. I also had my magic, but I had no idea if that would work down there, and I didn’t want to rely on it. It had failed me my first time down there, and I wasn’t going down there blind this time.
I pulled the hoodie out of the bag and slipped it on over my head. The longer I sat here, the colder I got until my body was shivering. It was just going to get colder and colder on my way down the ladder, and when I got to the bottom, I’d probably be freezing.
I slipped the backpack back on and stood up. I turned on the flashlight on my phone, and I was ready.
I could turn back, there was still time for it, but I was no coward, and I needed to do this for myself.
I gripped the phone so tightly in my fingers that my knuckles were turning white. No way was I dropping this one this time.
I grabbed hold of the ladder with my one free hand and started my descent one rung at a time. Time slowed, and it felt like it took five hours for my feet to touch the dirt floor.
Unfortunately, I was right, and it was freezing down here. I should have brought gloves.
I shone the light around the floor, searching for the flashlight I dropped. I found it next to a pile of chains on the ground. I picked it up but made sure not to touch the chains. I knew what they felt like and how much they weighed because I had been shackled to them.
I clicked on the flashlight, and I had to shake it around a bit to get the light to come back on. I turned the light on my phone off and slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans. Easier access than if I were to put it back into the backpack.
I swept the flashlight all around me, taking everything in for the very first time. I was surprised to find out it was just an empty hole with chains coming out of the wall and the ground.
I honestly didn’t know what I had expected, but it had been more than this. This was the place that had created my nightmares, and it was just a hole in the ground with a couple of chains.
It sure didn’t look like much.
I walked around the entire length of it and felt absolutely nothing. The dread was still there, but that was it.
I was sure if I closed my eyes I could pull up my memories and relive them but I didn’t think it would do me any good. The only thing it would bring on was a panic attack.
I felt stupid for thinking that coming here might bring me any peace.
I climbed back up the ladder without dropping the flashlight, and I didn’t look down once.
When I got to the top, I just stood there, almost lost.
An idea struck me, and I wondered how much dirt it would take to fill that hole up. Maybe if it was filled in entirely, that would bring me some peace. Or maybe I could fill it up with cement.
That thought made me a little happy. Cement was far more permanent than dirt, that was for sure.
