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“I figured as much.” His smile falls, and he drops his chin to his chest, grumbling his words.
“Are you sure you can do this?” I step up to him and cup his face, needing to be closer.
“I think so. Like I said before, I just need time.”
I nod and kiss him softly. When we were together last term, we rarely had moments like this where we would kiss for the sake of showing care. Everything involved getting each other naked. It was fun and so very Rhys George. But I don’t feel like Rhys George these days. Or at least the old Rhys George. I feel different. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s a good thing or not.
After some heavy petting, a very impatient Simon bursts our bubble, and we all make our way back down to the campsite. If my guys thought they were going to spend the morning with me, then they were delusional because the moment Lexi flings herself at me, nearly crying from worry, with Tillie doing the same, and a very neutral “I’m glad you’re ok,” from Bell, the girls don’t leave my side.
It’s probably a good thing, for Jared at least. He gets the morning with the guys, and they play more cricket in the clearing while the temperature is still cool. It’s nice watching them muck around together while us girls toast marshmallows on the remaining coals in the fire.
“So, are you going to tell us what’s going on? I don’t know about anyone else, Rhys, but I’m worried about you.” Tillie’s blue eyes are really standing out today with the way the sun picks up the red in her auburn hair. It’s hard to miss those eyes and the way they swim with concern as she directs her gaze to me.
“Everything is a mess. I’m a mess. Can we leave it at that?”
“Nope,” Bell states and turns her dark gaze to me, ignoring the oozing sticky sweet about to fall from her stick. “Your mess is too serious to ignore, especially when you’re running off and taking risks.”
“I take risks all the time. Every time I fuck someone new, I’m taking a risk.” I shoot her a glare, but she shakes her head.
“Not the same. Your self-destructive behaviour isn’t what happened here today. You’re usually an annoying optimist. Live for the moment. Make the best of every situation. Ride or die.” Bell finally notices her marshmallow has fallen into a blob in the dirt near her feet, so she shoves another one on the end and sticks it over the coals. “Up on that ledge this morning. There was no riding Rhys. That could have ended badly.”
“I needed to call Ty.”
“Who is this Ty guy, anyway?” Lexi asks, and I shoot her a blank look, so she turns to Tillie and Bell. “Do you two know who he is?”
“No.” Tillie shakes her head. “We only know he is her sponsor at the sex club she goes to. He’s an older guy. It’s all very hush-hush.”
“It’s going to stay that way, as well,” I mutter, dropping my stick to the ground, no longer interested in food.
“How do we know he’s good for you? For all we know, he’s making things harder or worse.” Lexi ignores her stick now, too, her focus solely on me.
“Ty is a good person. Areallygood person. Hell, he told me to talk about things with the guys or whoever I need to. He said it would help. Isn’t that what we are doing now?”
Bell scoffs. “Hardly. We are asking questions, and you’re giving us fresh air.”
“Could you at least give us a run down? If you don’t want to talk about anything in particular, can you maybe just catch us up on everything that’s happened so we can understand your situation better?” Tillie’s concern is what makes me cave. She’s always been good to me and good for me. Just like I’ve done with everyone else lately, I’ve shut her out and kept her at arm’s length. It just felt easier that way, but maybe I was wrong. So, I open up and tell the girls about the first voicemail from Julie while I was away with my family. I tell them how I ran off and went on a sex bender. I tell them about the retreat and returning back to school riddled with the need to fuck all the time. I tell them about Vixen’s Lodge and how I came into contact with Shaun there. Well, my Kitty came in contact with his mouth, but it still counts. I tell them about Master Hill not being happy about me being absent. About my punishment and the options he gave me. And I reveal my first time with Tyler and how we both stepped over the thick line we had drawn to avoid each other.
I went on and on about everything that happened, leaving out who Tyler is, and I left out the part of what I did in front of Brian at the Allansdale Prison. I told them about the prison, though, and how I ended up at the Feast, which led me to the second punishment last week—the public humiliation. Then, I revealed that it was Julie who sent out the video of me when I was eleven or twelve years old.
When the girls fall silent, their heads probably swimming with a thousand thoughts, I admit to them, and also to myself, that the only thing that makes sense to me right now are my guys. Just thinking about them and how, in this short time, they have all fought for me in my daily battle to find a slither of sanity. I’d never be able to choose between them. They each bring me something different, both in the bedroom and in my life. I’m feeling less and less addicted to sex, and more and more addicted to them. Hopefully, they are a healthier substitute.
Exhausted after a morning of talking about feelings with the girls and a group hug that included tears by everyone but Bell, we made lunch and then moved our chairs under the shade of some trees for some quiet drinks as a group.
“Let’s play Truth or Dare.” Tillie announces, and my groan matches the guys.
“Do we have to?”
“Rhys. You love truth or dare! Aren’t you the one that loves to extract juicy truths or push people’s boundaries with dares?” Tillie frowns as I shrug.
“Yep. She is. So, we are playing.” Bell declares.
“Can we just watch?” Dale asks, and Bell shakes her head.
“Nope. We areallplaying.”
“I’ll play. I love games.” Simon bounces in his seat, showing his excitement, and we all chuckle.
“I love the gamesweplay, Sy.” I shoot him a cheeky wink, and he beams.
