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Marcus and Shaun disappear from view, still punching each other before the sounds of fragile things start smashing.
Fuck. I did this. I’ve caused two mates to fight each other and a teacher to quit his job and have to fight off one of his students who has come into his private home without permission. My addiction may have been getting better, but it’s what brought us together, and it’s what is destroying their lives.
“Stop!” I cry out again, and still, I’m ignored.
Tears prick my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. If one of the guys sees them, then they will get worried and offer me sympathy. Sympathy I don’t deserve. The time for tears is over. I’m angry. Angry at myself and my past that has tainted me forever.
Quickly climbing back out of the tub, I grab a towel and do a bad job of drying off before stepping around the tangled limbs of Ty and Garrett and pick up my pile of clothes. Moving to the corner, I quickly get dressed in my gym pants and hoodie. Shaun and Marcus are no longer in the room, but by the angry screaming and things smashing coming from the passage, I know their melee has moved to Tyler’s living area.
I don’t know where my shoes are, but I guess that doesn’t matter. Nothing matters right now other than getting as far away from these guys as I can. They are better off without me. They don’t deserve this bullshit in their lives. If I go away, then they can move on and find someone to have a normal relationship with. Someone who doesn’t want to be shared. Someone whose attention is solely on them. They deserve that sort of love.
I can never give them that. Not now that my heart belongs to each one of them. And I just can’t have one without the other.
Because you’re selfish.
I shake off my thoughts, dashing from Ty’s bedroom and down the glass passage to enter the living area. I skid to a stop, broken shards of glass lining the floor everywhere, making it impossible to cross without shoes. I have no choice, though, so I step over the jagged shards and ignore the sting of pain as my skin slices open with each step. I don’t know what the hell they broke, but Marcus and Shaun are doing a great job of destroying Tyler’s home. All because of me.
I continue to ignore the pain as I move. I ignore Shaun and Marcus as they wrestle near the fireplace. I ignore my heart when it aches so badly that I think it will stop altogether. Instead, I keep walking, moving carefully down the stairs, the soles of my feet bloody with each step, the pain welcoming as it takes my attention off my heart.
The door is wide open, so I leave it that way as I walk out and down the steps into the cool night air. Taking a moment, I glance towards the waterfront, but since I’m scared that a lake monster might live at the bottom, I’m not all that keen on trying to swim across the lake to get back to the cabin. So I turn and stumble up the driveway.
Even as the house gets smaller behind me, I still hear things breaking. Stopping, I turn back to glance at the amber hue flowing from the second story, where the five guys I love are probably killing each other, and my heart sinks.
What am I doing?
Even if the best thing to do is set them free, running away like a coward isn’t the right thing to do here. I made this mess. I should stay here and face it. Stay here and do things right for once in my fucking life.
I limp back towards Ty’s home, not entirely sure how to get them to stop fighting, so I sit my arse down on the steps that lead to the front door, and I wait. Maybe my absence will be noticed eventually, and that will make them stop.
It’s the best idea I can come up with as the weight of what has happened here tonight settles in my gut, and hot tears threaten again. Instead of giving into them, I yell a guttural growl up into the night air, trying to release some of my self-loathing anger. I don’t want it to consume me. I’ve come too far to let my emotions drag me back into that dark hole I’ve been hovering on the ledge of for so long. I’m not sure if it’s possible to have my guys, but I do know that I want to live. Which is a fucking huge development I’m sure my therapist, Melia, would like to hear about in our next session.
I have parents that love me. A big sister who stands up for me, and twin brothers who dote on me. That will just have to be enough if a future with the guys I love isn’t feasible.
My attention is drawn to the thick bushland sitting before me. There are so many noises out here. I’m fairly certain there are possums stalking me right now. And I know by the faint thump every so often that there are roo’s nearby.
I really hope the guys miss me soon, or it’s possible I’m going to die out here while I wait for them. Death by koala. I sure hope it gives me a koala hug before it ends me, though. I could really use a hug right now.
It’s then that I notice it has fallen quiet inside. Shit. Have they killed each other? Frowning in concern, I sneak a glance over my shoulder at the glass door I left open, wondering if I should go inside and check, but then I hear the deep baritone of male voices again, followed by heavy feet as they travel through the upper level of the house.
My shoulders slump in relief at hearing they are still at least breathing, and I turn my eyes up to the starry sky, finding peace in the illusion of their twinkle.
The rush of footsteps pound the staircase inside, and I suck in a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for whatever the fuck is about to come, right before the air shifts behind me. Strong arms wrap around me from behind, the familiar scent of Tyler engulfing me as his warm breath dances across my ear.
“Why are you out here, Kitten?”
I should fight off his touch, but I can’t. I’m prisoner to my heart. It wants him desperately, just like it wants the others, too.
“I was going to run off. Go home.” I watch as Ty shifts around me to kneel on the step below the one I’m sitting on.
“But you didn’t?” Ty’s deep blue eyes find mine in the dull light, and I can see the worry in them.
Movement behind me tells me we aren’t alone, but I don’t look to see who has joined us. I’m just happy they aren’t swinging fists anymore.
“Do you want to go home, Kitten? Is that what you want?” He rasps, and I shake my head.
“No,” I whisper.
“Then why go?” His thumb brushes over my cheek. Back and forth, back and forth. So lovingly.
