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“Want a paloma, Midge?” Caro calls from the kitchen.
“Please! But hold the grapefruit soda and make it a double.”
“Tequila with lime and salt, on the way!” Caro grins.
“I do hope you’ll forgive me, sweetheart, but my gift has been delayed.”
“Oh, Midge. You didn’t have to get me anything. You’ve already given me your apartment on weekdays as a workspace.”
“Oh, pish posh,” she says. And she is now the first person I’ve ever heard say that phrase without any sense of irony. Bee grins and I know that as soon as I sit down, she’s going to be attached to Midge’s hip for the rest of her trip.
“Alright, Mama,” Faye says, taking me by the shoulders and walking me to a chair that’s been decorated with balloons in different shades of red. “Open mine first.” She hands me a heavy box, and when I open the pretty peach paper, I find a treasury of children’s books. Board books, picture books, and even some adorable books that are made of a soft, firm paper.
“They’re indestructible,” she says with a wink. I frown because I’m not quite sure what that means, but I figure I’ll add it to the list of things I’m going to learn when I’m a mother.
When I’m a mother.
Wow. All this time, I’ve only ever thought about this baby being in my belly. I haven’t really thought about what happens or how my life is going to change day-to-day once he or she arrives.
“What’s wrong?” Bee asks. Everyone goes quiet, and I shake my head.
“Nothing, just, everything’s hitting me. Feeling a little… argh!” I laugh and shake my head, dabbing at my eyes. “I’m leaking again.”
“I have some undies for that,” Lule says as she chomps into a Snickers bar.
“Let it out, girl,” Caro says. “Not good to keep that shit bottled up.”
“I just realized I haven’t actually thought past the pregnancy.”
“That’s really normal,” Faye says, squeezing my knee.
With her background in medicine, I smile, grateful for the reassurance.
“These are really wonderful, Faye. Thank you.”
She smiles and nods, and I get myself together.
“It’s okay to feel however you feel,” Aly says, tears pricking at her eyes.
“Thanks,” I say, but I stuff it back down. Because I have a feeling that if I let any more of my fears, my concerns, my worries, out, I won’t be able to stop it. And I’m not ready to see them all in broad daylight.
The girls outdid themselves. When all is said and done, I have four packs of disposable diapers, a full year’s worth of gender-neutral clothes, a library of books, a portable bassinet, a baby carrier, a stroller with car seat attachment, and something called a snot sucker. Lule just winked and told me I’d thank her for it later.
“Where do you want to store this stroller?” Bee asks, pushing the box into my already packed room.
I look around the space and realize there’s really not a good spot for it. Not that I have so much in the way, just my bed and nightstand. But between the extra packing inventory and the new baby stuff, I’m not sure where to put it.
“Doesn’t your baby daddy have room for it? I mean, didn’t you say he had nothing but space in his man-loft?” She is distracted, looking at my wall of Polaroids and photos.
That’s when it hits me.
Derek knew about the shower today.
I thought he was planning to stop by and visit. But he didn’t. And I haven’t heard from him. He’s been distant ever since that first game of the season. He’d been so flirty before the game started, and then they lost and it was like a switch flipped.
I check my phone, but there’s nothing there either. It just seems unlike him. I’ve never actually been with him when he’s been in season, and he’s been busier than he had been. But something niggles at the pit of my stomach, something I can’t shut down immediately.
I start to text him, but something stops me. I call him instead. It rings four times before he finally picks up.
