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Chapter 33
One month later
After the restaurant closed on Sunday night, Julia sat at her desk, composing a list of things Delia would need to do on Tuesday. When her head chef walked into her office, Delia snorted. “What the hell are you doing, Jules?”
Julia looked down at her list. Sighed and pushed it away. “Sorry, Del. I know you’ve got this. You know what to do. I’m just…” Looking for a reason to avoid going home. So I’m not alone with my memories. “Habit,” she finally said as she stood up, knowing it was weak.
Delia wrapped her arm around Julia’s shoulders, squeezing tight before letting her go. “You need to find more things to do on Mondays and Tuesdays,” she said. “I know you cook at the soup kitchen, then help serve the food. But that’s only a few hours on Monday. Get a hobby. Join a book club. Hang out with Zoe. Do something with your neighbor Jenna, the one who keeps pestering you to go clubbing with her.”
The idea of going to a club, having a drink and flirting with strange guys, made her flinch. And dancing with one of them? Julia shuddered. “Going to a club is the last thing I want to do,” she said, her voice flat.
Delia sighed. “Look, I know you miss him. But are you going to mourn him for the rest of your life? Live like a hermit and pour all your time and energy into Madeline’s?”
Julia lifted one shoulder. “Of course not,” she said, hoping it was true. “But it’s only been a month. The wound has barely scabbed over.”
Two nights ago, she’d slept through the night without waking up and reaching for Nico. Last night, knowing she’d lost another little piece of him, she’d cried herself to sleep.
Delia shook her head. “Everyone at the restaurant is worried about you,” she said. “You don’t smile anymore. You focus on your cooking and nothing else. Hell, you don’t even have a drink with the staff after work.
“Call Zoe tomorrow,” Delia said, resting her hand on Julia’s shoulder. “I know she was in last week. And I also know she wants to take you out for dinner. Go try the menu at your competition. Gloat that your food is better than wherever she takes you.”
Julia somehow managed to smile. “Thanks, Del. You’re the best, and I appreciate that you’re worried about me. But I’m just not ready to be social.” She knew if Zoe mentioned Nico, or, God forbid, shared stories about him she’d heard from Mel, Julia would start crying again.
She’d cried enough tears in the past month to fill an ocean.
Delia studied her with a worried expression. Finally she said, “Do something tomorrow, Jules. Promise.”
Julia nodded, swallowing. “I will,” she told Delia. “I’ll go for a hike. On Mt. Rainier, maybe. I haven’t visited the mountain in a long time.”
Delia’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God, Jules! Not alone!” She shook her head. “Pick an easier hike to start with.” She narrowed her eyes at Julia. “Unless you have a death wish. Is that what it is? You just want to die?”
“Of course I don’t want to die,” Julia scoffed, holding Delia’s gaze. Hoping the woman couldn’t read the truth in Julia’s eyes -- she didn’t want to die, but living right now was pretty damn painful. “When did you get so melodramatic, Del?”
“When I heard a grieving woman, who’s been a shell of herself, talking about hiking alone on the mountain,” Delia shot back.
Julia shook her head. “Fine. I won’t go to the mountain. Okay?”
Delia studied her for a little too long. Finally said quietly, “You’re not okay, and you know it. Don’t do anything stupid, Jules.”
“I don’t have the energy for stupid,” Julia said, reaching down for her purse. She really didn’t want to die. She just wanted a magic wand that could take away all her grief. Focus only on the happy memories of her and Nico together.
“And I’ll get out of the house and do something tomorrow,” she added. “Something fun. Okay?”
“Yeah, do something fun,” Delia said softly. “Something that makes you smile.”
“I’ll do that.” Julia reached for Delia and hugged her. “Thanks for getting on my case, Del.” She managed a smile. “I needed someone to kick my ass.”
“You can count on me for that,” Delia said, shooing her out of her office. Delia grabbed her bag from the cabinet where she kept it and followed Julia out the door.
Julia waited until Delia was in her car, then she waved and pulled out of the parking lot. Delia’s lights shone in her rear-view mirror. The chef honked once as she turned the opposite way, and Julia waved as Delia’s tail lights grew smaller and smaller.
After driving with Nico for so long, watching as he’d studied the route, Julia’d gotten used to paying attention to everything along her route. Tonight, nothing looked any different than the night before. Same-old, same-old. Just like her life.
She was too young to be stuck in a rut like this. She’d be embarrassed if anyone besides Delia realized how Nico’s absence had destroyed her. The only reason Delia had figured it out was because they worked so closely together.
And Delia was right. She had to snap out of this funk. She wasn’t ready to date, but she did need to get out. Do… stuff. Have dinner with friends. Take her bicycle out of the garage. Rent a kayak on Lake Washington.
All activities she’d never done with Nico.
