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“St. Louis, most likely,” he said.
“That’s good!” Her heart sank at the thought of being separated all week, but she knew how much Gideon wanted to go back to the FBI. “It’s only four or five hours away by car, or a really short flight. We can make that work.”
He held her gaze. “I told them I had to discuss it with you. That I’d get back to them and let them know.”
“Gideon!” She stared at him, shocked. “This is what you wanted. What you’ve been aiming for since Kramer fired you. Why didn’t you say yes immediately?”
He drew her into his arms and kissed her. Then cupped his hands around her face. “How could I do that, Alex? It’s not just me anymore. My job affects you, too, and I wouldn’t make that decision without input from you.”
Her heart quivered with love. That he wouldn’t jump at the chance to have everything he’d worked for? Because of her? Her eyes filled with tears.
“I want you to be happy, Gideon.” She slid her hands over his and kissed him. Then drew his hands away from her face and twined their fingers together.
“I know how badly you want this. It’s what you’ve dreamed of since Kramer fired you. You can have everything you want! Why would I stand in your way?”
“Because it’s not everything I want, Alex.” He shifted on the couch so he faced her. “Before I met you, I thought getting my job back at the FBI was all I wanted. All I needed to be happy.” He leaned forward and kissed her, a brief press of his mouth against hers. “But it’s not. You’re far more important to me than any job. And I wouldn’t make a decision that big without talking it over with you first.”
Her heart melted at his words. But…
She grabbed his hands. “I don’t want you to throw away your dream for me, Gideon. I don’t want you to end up regretting your decision. Resenting me because I was the reason you turned it down. That’s the last thing I want.”
He squeezed her hands. Brought them to his mouth and kissed one palm. Then the other. “You’re right. When I first met you, I was completely focused on getting my job back. Working at Blackhawk Security was temporary. I’d planned to stay only until I proved Kramer was dirty and got my job back.” He kissed her again. “If I hadn’t met you? Fallen in love with you? I probably would have jumped at the offer today.
“But everything is different now. You’re the most important part of my life. And I’m not sure I’m willing to give up part of that life to work at the FBI.”
“It’s not as if we’d break up because you wouldn’t live in Chicago,” she said. “Lots of couples have commuter relationships. We could make it work.”
“I know we could,” he said. “I’m just not sure I want to.” He let her go and stood up. Paced around the small living room. “I did a lot of thinking while I was in Washington. I think… I think I became an FBI agent because of what happened to my father. He was fired because they thought he was dirty. He wasn’t -- someone probably set him up, just like Kramer set me up. The only difference was he never found out who set him up or was able to clear his name.
“He got a job as a cop, but it wasn’t what he wanted to do. He was never really happy as a cop, and he died too young of a heart attack. Probably because of all the stress and unhappiness.
“I think part of me was honoring my father when I became an FBI agent. But I never really examined whether that was what I really wanted to do. Once I became an agent, I loved the work. I enjoyed solving crimes and keeping people safe.”
He sank down on the couch again. Shoved his hands through his hair. “I met with the director yesterday. He was very apologetic that Kramer had fired me because he thought I’d expose him. And grateful I had exposed him. All the people I spoke to were great. Everyone thanked me for exposing Kramer. And the job offer is a good one. Supervisory Special Agent is a great job. Lots of responsibility and more money.”
He swallowed. Took her hands again. “But I suspect the taint of corruption would stick to me in the Bureau. I got the side eye from some agents when I walked past their desks. Or when I saw them in the cafeteria. Even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I think I’d always be that guy who was suspected of ties to the Bratva.” He grimaced. “The old saw of ‘where there’s smoke, there’s fire’ would linger as long as I was an FBI agent.”
“That’s horrible.” Alex stared at Gideon, appalled. Furious on his behalf. “Are you going to let those… those small people take away your dream?”
He studied her for a long moment, then smiled. Took her hands again. “That’s the other thing I realized, Alex. I’m not sure it really was my dream. I think it was retribution for my father more than anything else.” He swallowed. “Before I make any decisions, I want to go out to Montana and talk to Mel and Dev.
“They offered me a job as a permanent employee. I’d be doing a lot of the same things I did for the FBI -- investigations, protection work. But I’d be more involved with the people who hire us. More involved in their lives, more involved in the cases. Not as much distance as with the FBI. And I think I’d enjoy that.
“And it could help with our situation. I’ll ask if I can be permanently assigned to Chicago, like Nico is permanently assigned to Seattle. I’d have to go back to Montana a few times every month, and stay for a few days, but we’d be together for most of the time.”
Alex frowned. “You’re adjusting your whole life to accommodate me,” she said quietly. “That’s not right.”
“You have a law practice you’ve built from the ground up. You’re one of the partners,” Gideon said. “You’ve made a name for yourself in Chicago. I’m not going to ask you to give that up.”
“Maybe I could be the commuter in this relationship. Maybe I could go back to Chicago for several trials every year, ones where people request me, or ones that Sierra thinks I’m the best person to defend a client.”
“We have a lot of options,” Gideon said. “We’ll figure out what’ll work the best. You want to come to Montana with me?”
“Of course I do.” She thought of the clients she was meeting with in the next two days. “Can we go over the weekend?”
“Absolutely.” He took her hand and tugged her to her feet. “Enough talking,” he said, taking her in his arms. “All the way home, I was thinking about you. And not about talking to you.”
She melted into him. “I can’t wait to check out your boxer briefs’ pattern.” She kissed him until both of them were panting. Desperate. Tugging on her hand, Gideon led them into the bedroom.
