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“You have one now?” Gideon asked.
Alex drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Closed her eyes, reaching for courage. “The way I was running, we were running, sent me back to the streets in Seattle. ‘Protect myself at all cost. Never let anyone see me cry. Show no vulnerability’.” She stared at her hands, seeing only the terrifying things she’d faced as a homeless teen. “I was feral then, and I became feral again. Protecting what I had at all costs. Trusting no one.”
She sighed. Closed her eyes. Opened them and turned to face Gideon. “I didn’t realize how I’d changed until that night. I spent those hours in my room, trying to figure out why I’d been so accusing. So mistrustful of you. And I realized I’d become that scared kid again. It’s not an excuse.” Biting her lip, avoiding Gideon’s eyes, she said, “It’s just an explanation. And not even a good one. A self-centered reflex left over from my childhood.”
Gideon scooted a little closer. “Stop beating yourself up, Alex. You screwed up. Everyone does. You may be Superwoman in court, red cast and all, but in real life you’re human, just like everyone else. No one gets to be our age without wounds.”
“Can you ever forgive me?” she whispered.
“I already have,” he said. “I thought about what you’d said. Realized it wasn’t coming from the woman I’d gotten to know. I suspected the devils from your teen years were responsible, so I let it go. But it hurt, Alex. I thought we’d…” He looked away.
“We’d what, Gideon?” she asked, her voice soft.
After a moment, he said, “I thought we’d found something special. Something I’d never felt before. I thought we had a future. And after that happened, I questioned my judgment. Wondered how I could have been so blind.”
“It wasn’t your judgment that was lacking, Gideon,” she said, moving closer to take his hand. She twined their fingers together and clung to him. “It was mine. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I know you, Gideon, and I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you.”
He studied her, his gaze softening. “Maybe just give me a pass the next time I say something stupid and hurtful.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and she exhaled. “That’s incredibly generous,” she said softly, relief washing through her.
“I’ll collect my payment,” he said, finally smiling. He leaned forward and brushed a kiss over her mouth. “But not tonight. Not with a newly-set broken arm.” He studied the red cast. Ran his finger over it. “You gonna need a bed to yourself tonight? So you can prop your arm on a pillow or something?”
“I haven’t given it any thought,” she said, happiness bubbling through her like fine Champagne. “But I don’t want to sleep alone. Unless you’re worried I’ll smack you with that cast.”
“I’ll take my chances,” he said. He glanced out the window. “It’s dark already. I’ll put more wood in that fireplace. Then we can read together, if that’s okay?” He nodded at her Kindle. “I see you’re already prepared.”
“Lots of interesting books over there,” she said, then glanced at her cast. “But I can work the Kindle with one hand. So Kindle it is.”
* * *
A couple of hours later, Gideon pressed a little closer to Alex, who was curled into his side. Her cast rested on the arm of the couch, and she held her Kindle with her right hand. He’d draped his arm around her shoulders, and his fingers tightened on her. Drew her closer.
She glanced at him. Smiled, then went back to her book.
He felt lighter. The vice that had gripped his chest for the past twenty-four hours had vanished. So had the regret that swirled through him, and the ache in his heart. They’d gotten through their first big fight and come out on the other side.
Alex had some trust issues, which wasn’t a surprise, considering her childhood. And after what had happened to him at the FBI, Gideon did, too. It was inevitable they’d butt heads at some point. With two strong-willed people, this probably wouldn’t be the only time they’d clash.
He set his book aside and stared at the fire as flames flickered behind the glass. Mel and Dev were working on tracing Trotter and the two Russians. His bosses were good, and sooner or later, they’d find the trio. In the meantime, he and Alex would lay low in this cabin.
He glanced at his watch. Almost ten p.m. “You ready for bed?” he asked Alex.
Closing the cover of her Kindle, she nodded. “Yeah. Kinda falling asleep in front of the fire.”
“You need any help getting ready?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never had a cast before.” She stood up and stretched. “I’ll call if I need you, okay?”
“Good. While you’re using the bathroom, I’ll call Mel. Check in.”
“Sounds good.”
As he watched Alex walk away, he relaxed into the couch. They were in his cabin because of threats against Alex. But it felt… safe. Secluded and private. Maybe a few days out here in the mountains, decompressing, were exactly what he and Alex needed.
He grabbed the satellite phone and dialed Mel’s number. Assured her everything was good. Then he set the sat phone on the night table beside Alex’s bed and waited for her to emerge from the bathroom.
* * *
