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“One. It was both awful and funny.” She muffled her laughter with her hand. “This gorgeous woman not much older than me brought in her husband, who had to be at least sixty.”
“You see that a lot here in LA.”
“Well, the poor guy was totally embarrassed. Evidently, he and his wife tried to spice things up in the bedroom…so she inserted a toy in his rectum.”
Beck knew where this story was going but didn’t interrupt. One, because he found it cute she used the clinical term for asshole. Two, because it would defeat the purpose of coaxing her to open up.
“I’m sure you can guess why he had to come to the ER.”
He suppressed a chuckle. “Yes. Did you assist?”
“No, thank goodness. I just held his hand and encouraged him to breathe while Dr. Robbins removed the, um…”
“Dildo? Anal plug?”
“Neon-pink vibrator.” She tried to smother her laughter. “The little thing was still buzzing when the doctor dislodged it. The wife turned a hundred shades of red.”
Hearing sweet Heavenly tell the story was almost as funny as the incident itself. “You’ll never have to worry that Seth and I will go to those lengths to spice things up with you. We’re plenty twisted without anything that requires batteries.”
“Thanks…but that’s not altogether reassuring.” She grinned. “I felt even sorrier for the man when he left. He walked like he’d had a club up his backside.”
They both cracked up again until Heavenly sobered and shook her head. “Sex seems like such a complicated topic.”
“Very.”
“Until I had it, I assumed it was simple. But after everything you and Seth have shown me and all I’ve heard”—she shook her head—“I was wrong. Can I ask you something?”
He dragged his stare from the tempting bow of her lips and met Heavenly’s serious expression, absently wrapping one of her silky curls around his finger. “You can ask me anything.”
“What kind of stuff do you do at Hammer’s club?”
Of all the questions Beck had expected her to utter, that hadn’t even been on his list. Dread kicked him. How the hell could he explain sadism without scaring the shit out of her?
As the wheels in his brain churned, Heavenly settled her small hand over his and sent him a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay. Raine said you’re into stuff I might find scary, so I’m braced. But I really want to know.”
Hammer and Liam’s princess needed to shut her damn mouth.
Lying wasn’t an option. Candy coating wouldn’t help, either. But the dynamics were so complex… Beck wasn’t sure how or if he could convey them in a single conversation. But that wasn’t his biggest reservation.
What if you confess and she’s terrified of you?
“It may sound scary to some. But to a masochist, I’m their salvation.” He leaned in, watching her face carefully. “I’m a sadist. Do you know what that means?”
She swallowed tightly and gave him a tentative nod. “You like inflicting pain.”
“Yes, but only consensually, and never to a submissive who doesn’t crave that release. I would never hurt a woman for a sick thrill.”
Heavenly digested his words for long, uncomfortable seconds. “Release of what? How does pain do anything but hurt? And if not for a thrill, why do you like giving it? I mean…you’re a doctor. You took a Hippocratic Oath to do no harm.”
Beck scrubbed a hand through his hair. Heavenly asked valid questions.
“It’s hard to explain, but in an unconventional way I am making them feel better.” When she still looked confused, he pressed on. “Submissives are unique. No two need the same experience. Some thrive on tenderness, some with discipline. I tended those who grow through pain.”
“But why wouldn’t someone respond to those other things? They make sense. Pain doesn’t.”
“To you. Maybe an example will help.” He gathered his words. “A couple years ago, a sub approached me at Shadows and asked if I’d help her decompress. When we talked, she said she was a social worker for Child Protective Services, assigned to the worst cases of abuse and neglect. The things she described made my stomach turn. By the time she sought me out, she couldn’t sleep, she was barely eating, and she suffered from depressive symptoms. She’d been internalizing her anger and sorrow for almost three years. Nothing had tripped her into releasing it. She was a pressure cooker waiting to explode.”
“Oh, those poor children…and that poor woman.” Sympathy softened Heavenly’s face.
