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Beck nodded. “I became her release valve. I met her at the club whenever she needed to purge whatever she’d pent up.”
“So…you giving her pain made her release her own?”
“Exactly. In her case, when I gave her enough of the right sort, her defenses crumbled. She let out everything she’d bottled up and finally cried. It was the only way she could achieve any peace.”
“That makes sense…kind of. But what do you get out of inflicting pain?”
Beck squirmed under Heavenly’s dissection. But if she didn’t give a shit about him, would she try to understand his dark side?
“Besides the pride and satisfaction in giving the sub what she needs? For a long time, sadism helped me release my own shit. The pain I created connected me to the sub in that moment and helped me purge vicariously.”
“So, in an abstract way, you’re even healing yourself?”
“Yes. Well, I used to. Since meeting you, I have zero interest in touching any other woman.”
She smiled before the expression turned to a frown. “What about those subs who need you?”
Leave it to Heavenly to be concerned about women she’d never even met.
“I’m hardly the only sadist in LA.”
“Why do I think you’re probably the best?”
Beck shrugged. She might be right, but… “Hammer helped me find replacements for my regulars.”
“You don’t see any of them anymore?”
“No.”
“When was the last time you…”
Bloodied an ass?“Last year, before Christmas.”
“Oh. Wow.”
“Bringing you pleasure fulfills me far more than giving others pain.” He stroked her cheek. “Submissives aren’t the only ones who grow, little girl. Through you, I’m learning the true meaning of Dominance.”
“You didn’t know before?” She looked puzzled by that.
“I never considered myself a Dominant, per se. I never owned or collared a submissive, never guided or took care of one beyond a scene. Sure, I knew the roles of a Dom or a Master, but I strictly identified as a sadist.” He sighed. “Then I met you. It was like a switch flipped inside me. Suddenly, I wanted everything I’d rejected for years. Now, I’m desperate to have all those things with you.”
“Because you think I’m weak or incapable of leading my own life?” She looked hurt.
He cradled her face. “No. Because you make me feel things I’ve never felt.”
She chewed on that for a silent moment. “What if I asked you to give me pain? Would you?”
No way in hell.But he tempered his knee-jerk reaction. Maybe he could help her understand his sadistic side. Heavenly was probably in the right head space. Or the wrong one, rather. After all, she hadn’t really mourned her father yet. In fact, he was positive she’d been avoiding it.
“Maybe. We need to talk before I give you my answer. Tell me why you want pain.”
Heavenly nibbled her bottom lip. “To develop a better understanding of your experiences and needs. So I can fulfill your desires as much as you fulfill mine…Sir.”
The honorific was a kick to the balls. Was there a more perfect woman on the damn planet for him?
Softly, he stroked her cheek. “When we’re together, you give me everything. There’s nothing more I could want or need from you.”
Well, except you wearing Seth’s and my wedding rings and our baby in your womb.
