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LILY
At first, I had been too overwhelmed to process what Con had said. It was only when I was safely back in the condo that his words came back to me.
Stay away from me, Lily. Or I’ll send you back to Ohio where you belong.
He’d send me back, would he? I grabbed my suitcase out from under the bed and unzipped it with jerky movements, shame and anger coursing through me. I wouldn’t let him play puppet master with my life, jerking my strings depending on his mood. This way when he felt benevolent, that way when he felt malevolent. Generous and spiteful in turns. I tore Halley’s dress over my head and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Then I began flaying the rest of my clothing from the hangers, tossing them in the yawning mouth of my knock off Samsonite that, like my clothes, came from Target.
But even before I was halfway through, I changed my mind. Con’s words, bitter as they had been, were already losing their sting as I remembered the look on his face. Set in stone to hide the need, but it still burned in his eyes. He’d curled his fingers into fists, but I could still remember how they’d felt tangled in the ends of my hair. The wide expanse of his palm wrapping around the back of my head while he kissed me so desperately I nearly bent backward.
He wouldn’t send me back to Ohio. He couldn’t. Even if he took the job away, and his daughter’s condo, he didn’t own the city and he didn’t own me. He couldn’t order me out of LA, and as long as I was here, I had a chance. I sat down on the edge of the bed, determination and pride replacing the shame and anger. Con wanted me, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. And I wanted him. If I had learned anything in life, it was how to work for what I wanted. I wasn’t like Halley—no one would ever hand it to me on a silver platter.
Slowly, I rehung my shirts and dresses, trying to formulate a plan. Con had told me to keep away from him because he knew what would happen if I didn’t. All I had to do was the opposite. I had to be in his way at every turn. And I knew just how to manage it.
It was one am before I turned out all the lights and crawled between the silky sheets. The city lights still burned against the underside of the clouds, and the night sky outside my window was ominously red. It felt like a warning. If I stopped now, I could protect myself.
I rolled away from the window determinedly. I had played it safe long enough.
I dreamed about Con all night, what would have happened if he hadn’t pushed me away. What still might happen if I managed to wear down his resistance. Over the weekend, I saw Victoria on Sunday morning for brunch—I paid for both of us as an apology for disappearing on her. It was a small price to pay to answer the question of whether she’d seen me and Con. She hadn’t. She looked disinterested when I said I’d run into an old friend, and she spent most of the time telling me in exhausting detail about each and every person we’d met. Then she moved onto the people who hadn’t been there, including the names of several D-list celebrities and socialites that I’d vaguely heard of.
Then, unexpectedly, she mentioned Halley. I had fallen into a habit of nodding mechanically, but at the familiar name, my eyes jerked to hers in surprise.
“Halley Walker,” she said significantly. “As in, Con Walker’s daughter. She’s in her senior year of college on the East Coast.”
I knew all that, even as I made a surprised, impressed face. But why had she come up? How was she connected to the group Victoria had introduced me to? And had any of them seen me kissing her father?
As Victoria went on, I relaxed. Apparently, Halley had dated one of the guys in high school, and he was still name dropping her. By extension, Victoria was now name dropping her.
“Do you know her?” I asked casually. It was genuinely impossible to tell by what she was saying. Victoria referred to Halley familiarly, but I couldn’t figure out if there was a direct connection.
“Oh, sure,” Victoria said as though it was no big deal. Her eyes slid to the side though, and I sensed she was lying. “You’ll probably meet her, if you keep hanging out with us.”
I tried to look impressed again, but what I mostly felt was pity. Did Victoria have any real friends? Was there such a thing in a place like this? No wonder Halley had flown across the country to go to college.
When we parted ways, I was free to begin phase one of my plan. I borrowed Halley’s car for the first time and drove to a fancy lingerie store I’d found online. It had shopkeepers who actually came out from around the counter and helped you. An intimidatingly beautiful woman stripped me down and took my measurements, then guided me to the sexiest, flimsiest, most expensive garments I’d ever seen. If I’d seen the price tags before I saw myself in the three-way mirror, I might have refused to try them on. Unfortunately for my bank account, I didn’t.
It was more money than I’d ever spent on lingerie—more than I’d ever spent on any clothing, including my prom dress. I didn’t hesitate though. Right now, I was riding high on our kiss and the memory of Con’s hands on my body. He could puncture that confidence though. A dismissive look, a patronizing word, and I might deflate. I’d need the bolster of knowing that what I was wearing underneath my clothes could bring him to his knees.
Wouldbring him to his knees, eventually.
While I was breaking in my credit card, I bought more clothes for work, too. Being surrounded by designer wear was starting to make me feel insecure in my college-girl-playing-dress-up outfits. I needed Con to see me as the woman I was and not the college student I’d been.
On Sunday night, I dreamed of him for the third night in a row. When I woke up on Monday morning, I had a strange feeling of satisfaction, as though I’d already broken down his resistance. It took me a few moments to realize why—in my dream, I had. We’d been alone in his office, and he’d pressed me back against the glass that separated his desk from the reception area. In my head, I’d kept worrying that Maureen would walk in and catch us. Not because I would be embarrassed, but because he would stop. And I never wanted him to stop.
I’d never much believed in prophecies and premonitions, but now I fervently hoped that both were real, and that I was inextricably binding him to me with the power of my incessant, obsessive thoughts. Today was the day I enacted phase two of the plan.
I put on one of my new outfits. Black pants that looked deceptively simple, but they hugged every curve and made my legs look a mile long, especially paired with my new heels. A blue, scoop-necked blouse that almost would have been too casual but for how perfectly it was cut and the richness of the silky fabric. The color made my eyes pop and my hair glow.
I felt a buzzy high as I walked to work. There were nerves lurking beneath, but I tamped them down. When I got to the building, instead of going straight to the Brand Development department, I went to the executive floor. I was relieved to see Con’s office empty. I knew he generally had a Monday morning meeting outside the building, and I needed to talk to his executive assistant alone
Maureen pulled an apologetic face when I approached. “He’s not in, Lily. Is there something you need?”
“No, I actually wanted to talk to you.” I leaned against the side of her desk, glad that Con had such a warm EA. Prior to working here, I actually had more interaction with her than I had him. She was always who Halley called when we got in a jam while traveling. She’d wired us more funds, sent out repair men, geolocated gas stations, and over the summer, she’d even found us a doctor in Croatia when our friend sprained her ankle. Halley said that she was her dad’s right hand.
I also thought she needed help. She was almost eight months pregnant, and I knew from eating lunch with her a few times that she was worried about going out on maternity leave. She hadn’t liked any of the temps who had interviewed.
“You want to talk to me? What about?” Maureen asked, surprised. She could tell by my face it wasn’t just a lunch invitation.
“I want to be your temp.” I tried to keep excitement from leaping into my voice. This was the most important part of my plan, and it was so perfect in my mind. What better way to put myself in Con’s way, not just now and then when I could manage it, but every single day. I just needed Maureen to agree. “My time with Brand Development is up soon. I can move up here and start shadowing you. That will give us like, what, two weeks to get me up to speed?”
