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“Right, but I guess I’m asking how you fell in love with her.” Halley’s voice rose and on the word how and broke at love. The shock and pain in her eyes sent darts of pain and guilt into my heart. I’d worked my whole life to avoid seeing that look on her face. The indisputable knowledge that I’d let her down in some fundamental way.
“Was it her personality?” Halley pressed, tart sarcasm creeping in to patch the cracks. “Her kind heart?”
“Yes,” I said shortly.
Halley’s laugh was hollow. “Yeah, I bet. Just like she fell in love with you for your sense of humor.”
I curled my fingers around the empty beer bottle so tightly I thought it might break. I didn’t want to rise to her bait, not when I saw tears gathering in her lower lashes, a silvery underline to her hostile glare. I’d never seen her look more like Kim. It disturbed me.
But just as the comparison formed, her face collapsed, and it evaporated. “God, Dad. You could have had half the women in Hollywood. You decide to fuck around with my best friend?”
I didn’t say anything.
“And her–” Halley shook her head, her tears starting to stream down her face. She wiped them away angrily. “No wonder she hasn’t been answering my calls. She’s too busy being a–”
“Stop right there, Halley,” I said quietly. I couldn’t defend myself, but I had to defend Lily. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Neither had I, for that matter. We were all adults, and it was time to fucking act like it. I’d put myself in this position by lying to my daughter, but it was time to tell her the truth.
Despite how shitty I felt, my shoulders felt lighter. I straightened them. “I’m in love with Lily, and I drove her away because I never wanted to see that look on your face.”
Halley’s eyes flickered in surprise. Her face didn’t soften exactly, but some of the anger slackened. “What do you mean you drove her away?”
“She didn’t come to work this morning. I haven’t checked, but I’m guessing she’s left LA.”
Halley and I stared at each other across the table, the breadsticks cooling between us. “I hope you don’t expect me to help you track her down,” she said, her voice still cold and unforgiving.
“That’s not why I came.” I signaled the waiter and asked for the check.
He blinked at our empty table. “Do you want your food to go?”
“No.” I handed him my credit card.
Halley watched the exchange with growing surprise. “You’re just going to drop that news on me and leave?” she asked in disbelief when the waiter walked away to run the card. “Really going for that father of the year award, aren’t you?”
“Hals, I’ll always want to be the best father I can, but you’re an adult now, and if I’d realized that sooner, I’d be better off.” I kept my voice level. “I’m in love for the first time in my life, and I have to get her back.”
“Even if it means losing me?” She meant to toss the words out as a challenge, but her voice broke, and her eyes filled again.
I hesitated. It was so fucking hard not to comfort her, to tell her she’d always always come first. But I couldn’t leave my future with Lily in her hands. It was time for both of us to grow the fuck up. “I get it if you need time and don’t want to see me for a while, but I’ll always love you more than life and I’ll always be your dad, Hals. It’s just not all I am anymore.”
I stood, hoping she would too. Wanting her to throw herself into my arms like she would when she was a little girl and I was her whole world. But I wasn’t anymore. And that was okay. We both had to learn to let go. When she crossed her arms mutinously–another throwback from her childhood–I nodded once and turned to go.
I had to find Lily.
